I'm so pissed. I was short with her eariler tonight, She called and asked; whats wrong? Whats wrong? Hello, Your runing your life an destroying your children. Whats wrong? She must be smoking crack.<P><BR>Said I was Laughing scarastically. HA!<P>I did some LB'ing. But did'nt get into it, I was simply curt. She wants to start planning our daughters 5 b-day party, Not until Sept. I said I was thinking about having my own party. She didn't like that. Went into a rant on wht. I said, hea were seperated right. Ther are people you may want to invite who I don't want to associate with. Blahhh. Blahhh. Blahh. She got pissed. I said I was jst thinking about it, and I can do waht ever I want. <P>She asked if this ment I was through working on the marraige. I said No, I've been working on myself and this is one of the things I've been thinking about.<P>Then she said, does this mean you are ready to file for divorce? I said, why havn't you filed? She saidyou are the one with all of the money. Not true, actually she has better cash flow than I do. <P>I just can't take th BS. This is a women who called me 10 time on Sunday night and lied to me about it on Monday. Cryed her eyes out to me on Monday and Tuesday was th Ice Princess?<P>How in the world am I gonna make it 6 months?<P>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'll just have a scream with you, 'cos I haven't any sensible advice right now...My eldest's birthday is in July and I've got all this to come...<P>AAAAAARrrrrrrrrghghghghghghghghhghgg!!!!<P>That's better <P>Paint.

uhhhh...JK.....uhhhhh<P>Two words: <B>ANGER MANAGEMENT</B><P>uhhh Two more: <B>CONTROL,CALM</B><P>Seriously, you're wrapped way too tight and you're going to to blow a vein in your neck. You can think everything that you want but don't let it jade your emotions or behaviors.<P><B>BE NICE</B>...I could be furious at my W for things but #1 It doesn't change what's already happened and #2 Staying pissed ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING...completely unproductive (except putting you one step closer to the grave).<P>I'm not an expert but I see that you only have two ways out of your relationship (three, no forget it I'm not going there)<P>1. You learn to get along, fill the bank (yada yada) <B>OR</B><BR>2. You get the walking papers.<P>I don't think you're ready for #2 so here's the best part...<B><BR>IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU!</B> <P>Isn't that great...and you thought you'd let her do all the work!<P>dd<P><p>[This message has been edited by dumbdumb (edited June 07, 2001).]

I forgot<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>the Ice Princess?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>After our separation last week...my W was inducted into the QUEEN OF ICE club and she recently won an award from Mr. Freeze.<P>dd

DD, I said it before, your not so dumb. You are right, just what I needed to hear. It all starts with me. <P>Now do I call her tomorrow andapoligize? or just let it go, unless she brings it up?<P>JK<BR>

JK<P>I would apologize the best way you know how...wait a minute...let me rephrase...I would apologize and BE NICE! If she gets mad or says what you don't want to hear...keep your composure.<P>BTW, I earned (gave myself) my name because of the stupidass things I did in my marriage. I had the control to make my marriage exactly what I wanted but I "messed" it up (I realize it takes two but I can only <B>own</B> my stuff). What jerks me is I really had the ability to control my dumb behavior. I have and am still seeing the light and may someday lose the title...but for now the name fits. <P>dd

DD,<P>So today I call and apoligize and come up with some dumb [censored] excuse for my behavior. I'm PMSing.<P>What does BTW stand for?<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dumbdumb:<BR><B>JK<P>I would apologize the best way you know how...wait a minute...let me rephrase...I would apologize and BE NICE! If she gets mad or says what you don't want to hear...keep your composure.<P>BTW, I earned (gave myself) my name because of the stupidass things I did in my marriage. I had the control to make my marriage exactly what I wanted but I "messed" it up (I realize it takes two but I can only own</B> my stuff). What jerks me is I really had the ability to control my dumb behavior. I have and am still seeing the light and may someday lose the title...but for now the name fits. <P>dd <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

DumbDumb is SmartSmart.<P>Kiss her butt. NOW!!<P>Maybe I missed something. If she's willing to work on the marriage, why delay? Tell her you have no intention of filing for divorce - unless you do. Postering will not work. Tit for tat communication will not work. Take the moral high ground and act as if you're ready to rebuild Don't make any more snide comments about separate birthday parties, etc. It doesn't matter that you're right. Which do you prefer, to be right or divorced?<P>WAT

WorthAtry,<P>She does not want to work at it, but has yet to file, but wants me to. I've been plan A'ng and it seems to work, I just have lost so much respect, her decisions, etc. I don't even think I like her anymore. <P>I knoe she is intoxicated, she dosen't even realizethe games she is playing. Steve h says this is normal behavior for the WS. I'm just struggling right now, with her andthe OM. She seems so tainted.<P><BR>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by worthatry:<BR><B>DumbDumb is SmartSmart.<P>Kiss her butt. NOW!!<P>Maybe I missed something. If she's willing to work on the marriage, why delay? Tell her you have no intention of filing for divorce - unless you do. Postering will not work. Tit for tat communication will not work. Take the moral high ground and act as if you're ready to rebuild Don't make any more snide comments about separate birthday parties, etc. It doesn't matter that you're right. Which do you prefer, to be right or divorced?<P>WAT</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

How, this for an apology.<P>"Sorry I was short yesterday, Like yo sometimes I struggly with our current situation, Steve has me working on some stuff on me, but when I behave teh way I did yesterday, I realize I still have alot of work to do on me."

Very good that you're talking to Steve. You're struggling because you're normal. She wants you to file so she can blame everything on you. <P>Keep up the Plan A but realize you have to kiss her butt to a certain extent. OF COURSE, she shouldn't have a say in everything you do if you're separated. That was her idea, right? You are exactly correct in thinking this, but exactly wrong to rub her nose in it. Take it from someone who had to have this beat into my head.<P>She's doing the cake walk. Wants everything to be normal, but doesn't want to pay the toll for her decisions. Very typical. It is soooo tempting to remind her that she forfeited a lot of authority by taking her actions. But you can't enforce this during Plan A. Instead of reacting to her hypocritical actions and words, consider keeping score, so to speak. When she makes requests or demands that she's forfeited the privledge for, record the conversation in your mind - giving her all the rope you can. Then write to us about it and replay the conversation - word for word. You will end up feeling like you're in control - because you are - and you'll get a big hoot out of the "audacity" of her thinking. <P>WAT

JK,<P>BTW=by the way<P>I agree with WAT...enough said...only want to reinforce <B>CALM</B> during your interactions with W.<P>Good luck'<P>dd

Just spent an hour with her on the phone, I lost it, Final Answer DIVORCE!!<P>Sorry guys, I can't be treated this way, no more door mat for me.<P><BR>She need a 2x4 over the head and thats what she gonna get.<P>JK<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dumbdumb:<BR><B>JK,<P>BTW=by the way<P>I agree with WAT...enough said...only want to reinforce CALM</B> during your interactions with W.<P>Good luck'<P>dd<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I need to scream again now......JK!!!!! Aaaasarrrrgggghhhh<P>What are we going to do with you? Remember that this ISN'T the wife you know and love - she was taken away and replaced by an alien clone with a bad attitude. You are now planning to divorce the alien - which will not help get your real wife back.<P>JK - you have choices - you can allow what this alien says to anger you, or you can CHOOSE to ignore it and get on with focussing on more important things. They are just words.<P>Take care,<BR>Paint.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Paintbox (edited June 08, 2001).]

JK, what happened that u changed from Plan A to DIVORCE? U know not to make any MAJOR decisions when angry.

You guy's are right, I just called her to apoligize to her, I'm back on track, told her obviously need to do alot more work on me, apolgy accepted. <P>JK

Thank goodness for that - my throat hurts with all this screaming <P>hugs, Paint.

JK,<P>Glad you are back. Like WAT advises, start "recording" the ridiculous conversation in your head as she talks, and do not react. Just store it as she talks, and come on here and replay the stuff. Get it off your chest that way.<P>Trust me, this will get easier, and you can condition yourself not to react to each episode of bizarre behavior.<P>Now go play your favorite song, do something nice for someone else, and come here to vent to us instead of at her. Everything she does is going to be according to the script. It is shocking for you because you are seeing this person that you knew suddenly be something else. However, just look at all of us that are experiencing the same darn thing. My wife's morals were so high that it was almost to the point of being overboard. Now look.<P>Our wives and husbands are all on the same mothership. Doing the same stuff. It is like they all joined a cult. We have to band together to get through this mess.<P>It isn't unusual at all for you to feel like your emotions are all over the place at this point. So knowing that, think carefully before reacting, and immediately plan on reacting on here when you feel like losing it. You WILL feel more in control when you do that.<P>Plus, we all have to entertain each other with stories so that we know we're not alone too. It is unfortunate entertainment, but might as well laugh sometimes, because otherwise you'd go nuts.<P>Hang in there.

Just can't seem to get my smilie face on today, with regard to her. I'm really angry. She seems to ab illuding to the fact that it's getting more serious with him. And thats really getting to me.<P>I want to squash him like a grape!!!<P>AHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG1

Our 4.5 yera old cries herself to sllep every night. Last night told mommy on phone, sure we can be together, make a different decision. Repeated it over and over. What ailen can reject that. Daughter also blames mommy for seperation, better mommy than herself. pretty smart, eh. I guess it correct, kids know. <P><BR>JK