I have been a member here since '99, but I changed my name so I can hide out a bit! My ex knows that I come to this board on and off and knows my other user name. <BR>You guys are such great support, and I really need that support right now without his interference.<P>Anyway, I am so frustrated right now. I have been trying for 6 months to work things out with my ex since he moved back home. I have decided that he is just one of those people that will never change. Ow is gone from our lives, but now he has taken up a new interest...emailing all sorts of women he finds through porn sites. I confronted him about this and according to him it is all my fault. He feels justified in his behavior! <P>Basically, after almost 2 yrs since ow came into the picture...I am tired of all this crap! Should I just let go and never look back? <P>

mom,<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...he finds through porn sites. I confronted him about this and according to him it is all my fault. He feels justified in his behavior!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>I won't tell you what to do though I will tell you that his "Taking Ownership" for his own failures and shortfalls come to mind as a big negative especially since it's been a few years. Wish I could say more...oh, I will say one thing more. Did you give it your best shot and can you honestly say that you'll not regret leaving? You have to make your own decisions.<P>dd<BR><p>[This message has been edited by dumbdumb (edited June 07, 2001).]

Ok, I'm miffed. Exactly why did he move back with you? From what you are saying here, he is not interested in working on your relationship.<P>The internet stuff he is doing is very dangerous. I have a clue about this. Here's a link to our story....<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html</A> <P>My husband was not meeting women at porn sites, it's apparently easy enough to meet them in chat. It seems that there are so many women out there so very willing to get involved with men they meet on the internet.<P>Why does he say that it is your fault?<P>My gut feeling on this is to tell him that either he stops all activities outside the marriage (internet included) and works on your relationship using the MB principles or he's out the door.<P>Are the two of you talking about getting remarried?<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 07, 2001).]

Hi M,<P>That porn addiction is a hard one to break. H has the tendancy and he started to gravitate that way when he came home. I caught his attempts and said he would be out the door since I still considered that act as disloyal to our family. H stopped but I am still checking. <P>Then I told him that all that stuff is really old. He said what? He was looking at young asian women. I said yea, those are all 'used' women and even though they are young they all look the same in those parts where the 'sun don't shine'. YUCK!!! Took the fun out of that thought. He seemed disappointed that I was not upset, just disgusted. I tried to hold back my anger but the more I thought about it, I realized, they all end up looking like a piece of meat kind of like the way a GYN views it. Not enticing just blah!!! Difused his interests. He has not made any comments since. <P>Hope it works for a while longer. <P>L.

dd,<P>Yes, I feel at this point I can say I gave it everything I could. I agree that the "taking ownership" is a big negative. I wonder daily why I let him come home!<P>Z,<P>Thanks for the link. Well, he supposedly moved back so we could work on our relationship. In retrospect, I believe he moved back because it was easier to maintain one house instead of two and he see the kids daily. Although I'm really not sure anymore that the later was a plus for him. <P>As far as it all being my fault...who really knows? I think it is easier to blame me than place the blame on himself. He has recently started blaming me for his affair too. After I got sick of hearing this, I told him that I would take the blame for my part of the problems in the marriage, but he needed to take responsibility for his affair and running out on his family. That was his choice. <P>I definitely do not want to get remarried. At least not anytime soon. Four or five months ago I probably would have considered it, but not now. I have absolutely no trust for this man!<P>Personally, I'd like to tell him where the door is right now, but I'm just keeping quite and waiting. Thanks for your thoughts...it helps to know I'm not crazy!<P>Orchid,<P>I like your tactics! Sounds like you may have found the attraction to your h. I don't think it would work with my ex although I wish it would. I really think he has some sort of sexual addiction. Good luck and hope it keeps working!

As my friends tell me, and I am still trying to figure out how to apply it to my life...<P>You have to take care of yourself and find a way to be HAPPY. Whatever that means to you will help you to be a better person and to be able to breathe lighter everday and to be a better mom to your kids.<P>LL<P>Good luck!!