I've been thinking about MM almost all day. Every time I try to get on a different train of thought, something else triggers a memory of something he said or something we did. I guess I just thought him up. He made an excuse to call me that actually kind of scared me and I'm not sure if he MEANT to or not. He called and said, "I know we agreed to no more contact but I really need for you to do me a favor." I said, "What's that?" He said, "Just call me and let me know when George comes." George is like my code name for my period. I asked him why he called just for that. No contact means no contact. (Yes, I really said that.) He said, "Well, I know you pretty well, and it's past time for you to tell me that George came." I said, " Did it ever occur to you that you shouldn't be concerned about that anymore?" He said, " I'll be concerned about it until you tell me it's here. But you're already late now aren't you?" I hadn't even thought about it until he metioned it. I just told him not to worry about it, I'm fine. Then I said I had to go and hung up. I went to my pocket calender and I am now on day 42 of my cycle. I'm not a very regular person and my cycles usually are between 28-35 days. I've had a lot on my mind lately so the lateness could be due to stress or something. I'm not going to worry too much about it because I do feel like George is coming. What bothers me though is that he couldn't even make it ONE DAY without finding SOME reason to call. Also, there have been about 5 calls today that say "out of area" on the caller ID but everytime they hang up. I wonder if it is him? Also, it concerned me that his tone of voice was not "upset" about him thinking George was late. When I first posted I said that THAT would make him furious enough to leave me alone for good, but it seemed like he was almost gloating --for lack of a better term. What is wrong with him? I don't want to be, and it's not in my nature to be a total ***** but I think it's going to have to come down to that. Why can't he see that loving him is killing me? Why can't he see that it's best for ALL of us to just let go? Maybe I shouldn't have seen him face to face. Maybe I should have done the letter and just left it for him at his job when I knew he wasn't there. Ok, I said I wasn't going to worry about it, but it IS kinda bothering me the more I think about it...why IS George late, HOW did he know, and why did he choose to bring it up today?!

TW, he's using it as an excuse to contact you. IMHO, he's being extremely selfish when you have asked him to please not contact you again. You've made your position clear and he has refused to respect your decision.<P>Don't take his calls anymore - screen them thru voice mail. He needs to see that you are SERIOUS.<P>I know you're in pain, sweetie. It WILL get better, I promise.<P>{{{Hugs}}}

It is sooooooo hard to really let go! I don't feel one bit sorry for him (the idiot - why doesn't he stick with his overdue pregnant wife - I hate him) but for you... I understand how you feel.<P>Go get a pregnancy test, for your own well-being. And, while you're at it, get the whole gammut of sexually transmitted disease tests. I wouldn't trust that he's been faithful to his wife, would you?<P>(((((tooweak)))))<P>Take care of YOU, and do NOT answer that phone, let your answering machine get it. If worse comes to worse (and get ready, I'm serious) if he's calling at work, go to management and say that you're being harrassed and get your extension changed.

All I would think about is what he is doing to wife and child during pregnancy! If this man treats people that he cares for like this, then i would hate to be his enemy!

Every time you have a good or sad feeling about him, think about his asking you to spend the night at his house while his wife is having their baby. Fill the mental and emotional space with that image. <P>You can get an at home pregnancy test at the drug store. It would be worth it set your mind at ease. <P>Then follow through with a doctor's appointment for a second preg test and STD testing.<P>He is using this as a way to get to you. He may even be hoping that you are pregnant because then the door may be open for him to "support" you emotionally through a pregnancy.<P>There are many men who feel that women have no problems unless they are pregnant. He may believe that you broke up with him because you are pregnant and want to keep the child behind his back.<P>Or it could be his way to say, ok you want me out of your life... well if you're doing this because you're preg then I want it all cleaned up so I don't have to tell my wife about another kid.<P>But no matter his reason, he once again discounted you. Once again acted as though you did not mean what you said.<P>Like the others say, just do not answer the phone. If he continues to contact you, get a restraining order against him.<P>(((((((hug)))))))<P>Z

i really don't think I'm pregnant. It would be a very long shot if I was, I know you can get pregnant from pre-ejaculation fluid but he always put on a condom before we actually got too into it. But I'm confused because I don't understand why HE wants to hold on? I mean, he's got WAY more to lose if his wife finds out everything about the A. maybe he should have picked one of those psycho OWs that would stick to him like VELCRO and try everything and ANYthing to get him to stay with her. That's just not me. I guess I'm wondering why in the world would someone who KNOWS they are not planning on leaving their home and has always said that his wife was his world and even if he never touched her again sexually, he knows that she would always be the one for him, would want to put his life in jeopardy when I've given him the out to remain and maintain his family environment? He's never really bad mouthed his wife to me...even when he told me about her affair, he never blamed it on her, he always put the blame on the OM and said that he knew she was sorry about it because it just wasn't in her nature and the OM must have done something to her. What sense does it all make? Sometimes I think about things he's told me and I wonder if he really meant it, or was it a line that MMs just tell OWs? Do any MMs really love their OW? Sorry I'm rambling, just lots of thought today.

It will end... Make it end. Let it end. You're doing your part to make it so. You are still my hero today as much as you were yesterday.<P>You now need to stop talking to him at all costs. No caller ID or answering machine? Mom putting calls through? Get a big whistle. If you get stuck on the phone with him, blast his ear off with it and hang up. He may call back (but the phone will be on his other ear). Do it again. He won't be able to hear for a while, and it'll give you a break.<P>Unfortunately, you can no longer afford the luxury of trying to be nice. You know this. You've learned well, grasshopper. Go forth and be happy. <P>We're all here to support you. DO go get tested--for eveything. Under no circumstances discuss George with MM. But that should be easy, since you won't be talking to him anymore.<P>Chin up, shoulders back... oh, and let yourself smile.

You did the right thing, and I commend you for it. I know that it was a very difficult thing for you to do. This MM is a total jerk---if he would do this to his wife, he would do it to you. It really strikes a chord with me because I was 8 months pregnant when I found out about my H's A. He called her and talked for 3 hours while I was in the hospital having had our son the previous day. If we wouldn't have had two older kids, he would have probably had her to our house, too.<P>However, every time you talk to him, you reinforce that he CAN still call you and that you WILL still answer. If you truly want to break things off with him for real, then you cannot answer his calls for any reason whatsoever. This is also very similar with my H because even though he tried to end contact (still questionable, but that's not the issue at hand), she kept calling and keeping the A alive. Every time it progressed to a little deeper than it had been before. If you are not careful and stick to your guns, that is what could happen to you.<P>I'm sorry to be a little harsh, and I know that you have very good intentions, it just seems that until you absolutely do not talk to him, that he will not go away. <P>Another thought---how about threatening to tell his wife if he doesn't leave you alone? Just an idea.....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tooweak:<BR><B>But I'm confused because I don't understand why HE wants to hold on? I mean, he's got WAY more to lose if his wife finds out everything about the A. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR>* Not your problem why he did/does what he did/does-- never was.<P>* Get tested for anything/everything. Condom or no condom. How well I know, since I got pregnant while using one (with my H)... oh, and we used FOAM TOO! The HIV can seep through the pores of a condom. You need to be tested!!<P>* Tell his wife. Write her, call her, DO IT!</UL><P>If it's to end, these things must be done and you need to quit romanticing the whole thing (I know it's hard!). He is not your friend, he is a user, and he used you. He is using his W. <P>You are doing so well... just need to let go of that last bit of "but, he's so {fill in the blank}" because he is NOT anything nice. The OM in my situation would not let go (as I've told you before) so I cut him off with a sharp knife. <P>Oh, and my ex-H's last OW circled our marriage like a vulture. Patience wins out, so often, and she did wait, and she did get my ex-H... funny thing is that now he doesn't want her. Go figure.

It sounds like you are trying to assure yourself that he did love you by asking "why he is trying to hold on". All I can say is, if his wife ever found out, THEN YOU WILL SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU! 95% of the MM blame the OW for the affair, "she persued me, she kept hounding me, blah, blah blah". Then they beg the W for forgiveness claiming it "only happened once, she meant nothing to me, it'll never happen again". Which is usually a lie, affairs usually don't end so easily unless it WAS just a one-nighter. Also, have u ever thought that maybe your MM did this to his wife out of revenge for her affair and then got caught up in the excitement. One point off the subject that bothered me, in one of your posts you say that his wife is better looking due to having a lighter complexion. I am bi-racial and am a darker complexion than my sister, and have friends who have a darker complexion than me, and we are all GORGEOUS! One should never place beauty based on the person's complexion, as Denzel Washington would say in MALCOLM X...you've been BAMBOOZLED! <BR>Whenever you are fantasizing about MM just think about how he is treating his wife, and think of how he would treat you if his wife ever found out.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by trying2_4give:<BR><B> One point off the subject that bothered me, in one of your posts you say that his wife is better looking due to having a lighter complexion. I am bi-racial and am a darker complexion than my sister, and have friends who have a darker complexion than me, and we are all GORGEOUS! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Woo Hoo... love that self esteem, <B>trying</B>... Listen to her, <B>tooweak</B>!!!!<P>Now continue doing the right thing, and know that you too are GORGEOUS, just because you are YOU!!<P>

As I thought and told you the contact will keep going because you are letting it happen. Don't blame him. You must put a stop to it. No means No. Sometime you have to understand this. You told him yesterday you will be there for him and yes you still are there for him. If I was your husband, I would be disappointed in you. No means No. Stop all contact forever. No ,but, and maybe. Some guys are very tricky and have their ways to keep contact and manipulate your feelings. Think of this guys wife. Would she want you to keep talking to her husband. Just hang up, don't answer even a single question. Don't be there for him. It's a big mistake. You have gone a long way but not far enough. STOP.<P>I think the affair ends, the healing starts, the recovery starts, the forgetting starts as soon as there is absolutely 100% no contact of anykind. All this stops as soon as there is another contact. Give this man's wife a break. If you must, send the man a note and tell him to just grow up. Keep it simple, no phone contact, no face to face contact. <P>Why is he married to this woman to treat her so? Why are you talking to a man such as this. Imagine if you were the wife. It is not your place to comfort him and make him feel good. Just by talking to you he feels good. <P>His wife is having a baby in the hospital. It should be the happiest moment in a couples life. It obviously means nothing to this guy. Would you want to be with such a man? I am sure you don't feel good now about having been with this guy. <BR>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited June 08, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited June 09, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited June 09, 2001).]

well, "George" is here! and I did not contact MM to tell him, it's none of his business. I worked all night last night and have been asleep all day so I don't know if MM tried to call today or not. Now that THAT is behind me, there is not even the slightest chance that I will need to talk to him ever again. I am going to try to make it seem to myself as if he is on a long vacation where there is no way I can contact him and there is no way he can contact me until my thoughts about him fade away. <BR>In other news, my cop friend called me at work last night because one of the things we have in common is that we are both into Criminal Justice. That's my major in school and I used to be an army MP. Now I'm a security guard working my way through college and I will be a municiple officer or a state trooper when I graduate and work my way into hopefully the FBI or the US Marshal Service. Anyway, he called me to tell me about an interesting case they had last night. Anytime something "good" happens while he's working, he calls me to tell me about it. It was like 2am when he called but I didn't mind, it helped keep me awake. He wants to come and spend the day with me Monday when we are both off. Spending time with him will definately keep my mind off of MM. I just wish I knew what his intentions are.

TW:<P>Think about it. The intent should be obvious: your cop friend likes you ... a lot.<P>Getting over MM might not be too difficult after all.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

I'm glad you are feeling better today, and it will do you the world of good to get out with your friend. <P>Take care, hugs, Paint

Tooweak...<P>Plese remind us about your cop friend isn't he married too and has a OW who has his baby? Seems to me that he is in the middle of getting a divorce. Do I memeber correctly?<P>Just trying to remember.<P>Z

Sounds like you are ready to jump into another affair especially your comment "I don't know what his intentions are? Isn't your husband good enough support? Probably I don't understand your situation well enough but that was my initial reaction.

Ok, let me get this straight 1. Dating a MM for 3 years, 1 child, 1 due anyday. 2. U tell MM what how to lie when W get's suspicious or when someone tips her off about the 2 of you. 3. Starting dating a soon to be divorced cop who suddenly got back together with his 3 child's "baby's momma". 4. Cop starts calling u again tell u one day about only doing "CERTAIN THINGS" with people u love and then the next day he does that "CERTAIN THING" with u! (CLUE: this was planned, basically he fed u a line and u ate it up)5. MM still in picture though W is due anyday and trying to have you come into there new home to have sex while wife is healing from having a baby 6. U are still seeing cop who calls at 2:00am and wants to spend the day with you but u still don't know his situation w/his baby's momma! WHOA, u have nothing but drama and chaos in your love life, and i use the word love VERY LOOSELY! I am not trying to offend you, but it sounds like u r either very young or very naive. When do u stick up for YOURSELF in any of these situations? When do you ask the important questions THAT NEED TO BE ASKED? Where do u live for yourself instead of following blindly behind what these BOYS r telling you?

TW:<P>Re my previous post ... if this cop friend is married (even if going through divorce), this is akin to jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Particularly if your cop friend also has another OW who has also had his child.<P>Find a nice single guy; enjoy life. Experience it ... but not at the expense of others' marriages.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 10, 2001).]

Rodger, I am not married. never have been. I've been engaged once and it didn't work out but me and the exfiance are still friends we just live on different sides of the country.<BR>My cop friend is divorced. When we first started talking last year, he was going through his divorce. He is fully divorced now. He does have a child by an XOW. When I said , I wish I knew what his intentions were, I meant, that he and the XOW are no longer together and I'm wondering if it will stay that way.