I had a feeling this would happen. My H read my plan B letter and got really mad. I had asked him to call my work and leave a voicemail with his addx/phone #.<P>He took the letter to mean I was trying to manipulate him (please read my letter from a couple of days ago to sanity check me). He said he wasn't playing my games that I was telling everyone he was crazy and a horrible parent and he was going to get a lawyer and tell him about how horrible a parent I am and that I better settle things now before it's too late. <P>He says I am purposely not letting him see the kids and the only way he can do it is if he comes back home (that's what he took the plan B letter to mean).<P>In my letter I said he needed to contact his parents for visitation and it needed to be supervised until we were both sure the kids were safe to be with him. I don't think that's keeping him from the kids. I even had his parents call him yesterday to tell him they had the kids Sunday if he wanted to come down and see them. He said he was working and would be too busy.<P>When he talked to his parents he told them he was going to get help for his anger and that he thinks he might have a disorder and is going to get tested.<P>I'm so upset. He took my letter completely out of context and now that we have no contact I can't explain myself to him and make him realize I did this for me to help get over him and I'm not trying to manipulate him. He is just building up resentment and hatred in his head, blaming it all on me and putting me to blame.<P>And, amazingly I'm not even mad. I just feel so sorry for him.<P>I mean, what am I supposed to do?? Just go along with whatever he wants and do nothing to regain my sanity? I think I am handling it pretty well. Do you know how bad I could screw him if I wanted? But am I, no! Because I still care and want him back, and that would just be wrong. I just have to put my life back together incase he truly is gone for good. Why does that make me so bad? What am I supposed to do??? Let him walk all over me?<P>Anybody else's WS do this, or am I pretty much screwed now?

Oh. Forgot to mention, he just called my voicemail and yelled and threatened me, he did not leave his addx or phone number.

Oh Hurt,<P>I have been following your posts, you have been more than enough fair with your Husband. He thinks you are manipulating?...HELLO he know where you are...how would he like it if he didnt?..you did the right thing..it is not your fault he "took it wrong"...tell him NOT TO CALL YOUR VOICEMAIL, unless he has something nice to say. and tell him " to grow the H*&* UP"...give me a break. stick to your guns...reiterate you plan B, let him know maybe a letter to his parents since he cant read. that this has nothing to do with the kids..just you trying to move forward, without his emotional abuse...boy does he have you running in circles...STOP...this is why you went to plan B..you need to get control over your life, since he refuses to come out of his fog. you have done nothing wrong, you NEED TO BE IN CONTROL, and stable for your kids (one of you have too)...using his parents as a go between is good..maybe they can explain it to him..stay strong hurt....dont let him make you fold...you will be fine, and as long as he KNOWS he can manipulate you he will...take care..MC

I'm not a plan B expert by any mean, but clearly your H has deep problems that have nothing to do with you or who you are and you don't need to take that crap from him anymore. Yes - give his parents the copy of the letter - it sounds like they are good supporters.<BR>

Dear Hbh,<P>The main thing is that you are not upset by what you said in the letter. Let's examine this and see:<P>H's angry response shows:<P>1. He read the letter. <BR>2. He is not denying he has been a bad parent, crazy, etc. <BR>3. He is convinced he is NOT playing games. <BR>4. He believes you will not let him see the children<P>Now while he twisted some of the info in your letter, he did read it. Remember in the fog, they are disoriented. Give him a few days to asimilate the contents of your letter. Let him stew in his own mess. Your letter just brought it out in writing and it does not make him look good. <P>For now stick by your words and feelings. Be prepared that it will take a while for him to come around but also see that he is recognizing he has been a failure and isn't too keen on others knowing about it. Call it embarressment? Yep. Others are now involved (his parents), you have put a black mark on his reputation, of course it is smaller than the huge X he already put on himself and his family. So don't be ashamed. <P>My H did the same thing, in his case it took 2 days. With a lot of harrassing phone calls in between. You know what? H could not right down his anger, just yell it. How about you respond the next time your H yells at you about this letter and say, "well how about if you put your feelings down in writing, similar to what I did and I will be happy to read it?"<P>Just a thought. These plan B's are tricky and unpredictable but if that is were YOU need to be, then it is worth the effort. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<BR> <P>

I agree with what everyone else has said - that this a 'top of the head' reaction to your letter and he hasn't read it properly, or thought about it yet. My bet is that he will read it several times and gradually it will sink in what you really mean! I know that from reading some of the e-mails that the OW has sent to my WH, that my initial reaction is one of hurt and despair - but then I go back and read them several times over and analyse them logically, and then I can get over the effects of the 'alien speak' and get down to the nitty gritty of what she's REALLY saying and thinking.<P>I agree about going over the letter with his parents - they may well be able to help him. And don't worry about him being 'too busy' to visit the kids - that's him just trying to get back at you and he's cutting off his nose to spite his face. It was his choice.<P>This is his problem, you have done, and are still doing, the right thing. Don't stray from the path!<P>hugs, Paint.

I concur with what everyone else has said. Your letter was a good one. There is no indication of your being controlling in it. I feel that if he goes to court to say that you are withholding the kids, based on the letter they'll laugh him out. Using a third party for visitation is exactly the type of thing the court would think reasonable and impose. <P>So be strong and move on in your Plan B. <P>His reaction is so strong be it shows that he is loosing control of YOU. He is the controlling person from all I have read about your situation. He does not want to loose control of you. I went through similar things when I divored my XH.<P>One warning from my experience. You have a long history of giving into his tyraids. You will need to protect yourself from this. And no-contact is the best way.<P>I am proud of you.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

<B>He took my letter completely out of context and now that we have no contact I can't explain myself to him a</B><BR>He has the letter. He is just p!ssed off he can’t have his way anymore. As long as you made it clear in the letter what you were doing, he will understand. Doesn’t mean he’ll like it though.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Thanks guys. I SO needed that sanity check. I seem to need them so often these days! I was actually just ready to call him and leave a voicemail (since that's the only way I have of contacting him), but now I won't. Glad I came here first!!<P>I re-read my letter as well and started to laugh when I thought of him bringing the letter to the lawyer. I could just picture the lawyer tearing it up and saying "There is no way in he** you are showing that to the judge. You better hope your wife doesn't have a copy." <P>I showed it to his mother and she was amazed it sounded nothing like he described to her. She thought it was quite good and is going to try to explain to him that he took it WAY out of context and just to re-read it over a few times.<P>

I just read your letter too, and it was great! Glad to hear his Mom agrees as well. <BR>He's losing control and he doesn't like it. Stand firm and stay strong!!<BR>