I have known my husband for 9 years and married for 6 of them. I am 26 years old and my husband 30. Two years ago in September I decided that I could no longer go on with the marriage so I told my husband and he became very bitter. I don't blame him because as far as he knew there was nothing wrong. I felt like i was having an identity crisis. My son was then 18 months old. I was talking to a work colleague of mine (male) and we started to bond. Before I knew it I connected with this guy in a way that I have never connected with anyone before. It was passionate and on an extremely high emotional level. My husband and I was never like that. We couldn't talk to each other nicely or touch each other tenderly. Suddenly I felt that I had found my soul mate. But there was one thing that stopped me going any further.....my marriage. I didn't like the idea of being a divorced single parent. My life that i had become so familiar with was disappearing. I kept telling myself that there was lots of women out there who would kill for a man like this. I was being selfish. My husband was all I knew and I felt this other guy should not have to take me and my son under his wing (even though he said he wanted to). I was so scared so I felt that I should go back to my husband. I did this but it didn't feel the same as it once did and I was forever hoping and praying that I could just feel happy and in love with my husband once again. I decided to leave once again and still returned in the same way as I did before. I messed my husband and this other man around. I stayed in contact with this other man for a while(just talking on the phone) as friends because I couldn't bear to lose that someone that I could talk to so openly. I continued to go on trying to get my feelings back for my husband and I decided that the only way i could do this was to lose contact with this other man. So I did. And now I am still wondering. I still can't touch my husband how he would like and I know he still thinks about me with this other man. We talked nicely to each other for a while but now it seems we are always at each others throats again. I want my marriage to continue but I just can't seem to reach that emotional level like I did with the other man. How do I do this? How do I make myself to want my husband again? I am totally confused and lost!!!!!

Hopefully you've read about affairs, and how they are an emotional high and fantasy world. The feelings you had for this other guy would not last anyway. Once you were together and dealing with all the real world stuff that you go through with your H, it would change.<P>If you haven't, go to Just Found Out forum, and find the post from NSR that welcomes you, and has links to all the important concepts on this site.<P>It sounds like you need to fix the underlying problems of the marriage. The intimacy part will become more natural and exciting if everything else is better. There are plenty of success stories on here of people that felt like you do, so it is possible. You'll need to focus on a plan for recovery. I'd suggest buying Surviving An Affair (SAA) and His Needs/Her Needs (HN/HN) from this site.<P>There is alot to learn here, so read alot and feel free to post.<BR>

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

In most cases it is like this. You are married and have to live in the real world, real responsibilities. When you have an affair it is a fantasy world, just nice talks, drinks, romance, movies, restaurants , it's like a dream. Beats a marriage anyday. A marriage is work and responsibility. It makes you tired. Now marry this new guy. Have some children. Get short of cash. Have some illness or job stress. Now see how the dream man behaves. Now see how tempting another new man will be. Real life is tough. Unfortunately we can't try out all the dream men in a REAL marriage with responsibility and pressure. Maybe most affairs relate to this fantasy world. Dreams are nice. Dreams are an escape from reality. I am sure out can find 100 other dreamy men but try to find 100 good husbands who will look after you when you are sick, when you are tired when you are cranky, when you are bad, when you get old that is another thing.<P>On the other hand maybe you married the wrong person. I guess until you marry someone else you will always wonder. Maybe you didn't date enough and got married too soon. It would be nice if you could work it out but now it is much harder because of what you did. However not impossible depending on your husband and yourself.