Finally. My H went to a counselor and they want him tested for a disorder (probably bipolar but his mom didn't go into details). And he is going for anger management for the kids.<P>My plan B, all my Plan A'ing over the past few weeks, staying with H while he worked through these issues and being there for him, going through hell to try and get him help, I guess it paid off. <P>I just wish he was doing it for me. He's getting help for himself so he can be a better person for OW (his words), start a new life over with her and not "ruin" her like he did me. It makes me feel like trash. <P>If he does get help and become a better person/father, it will be because of ME and the hell I went through and the sh** I put up with to help him - not her. I was the one that got him to confide in me and realize what was going on (while he was starting to get out of fog while she was gone for 3 weeks). I wish he realized that. Someday, you think?<P>It makes me so mad I could do all this for him and it's just going to benefit HER. And then he'll get all better and take time from the kids away from ME. I'm glad he'll be a better person for them, but it just SUCKS! If this happens you guys will so have to calm me down cuz' I will just want to take the kids and run far, far away from this cruel man. Maybe it won't, but...<P>Plus, I have to wonder, did my plan B actually make him do this, or did OW have anything to do with it and did she tell him to go and he did? I would flip.<P>Oh yeah, and I WAS RIGHT!!!!! (This is for all my "friends" that said I was just blind, my H was perfectly fine and he did not have a real problem, I was making it all up so I would not have to face the truth that my H didn't love me anymore). Screw you, screw you, screw you for trying to fu** with my brain and twist things around. There I feel better.<P>Thanks guys, you have been so supportive, I would be lost without you. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hurtbyhubby:<BR><B>If he does get help and become a better person/father, it will be because of ME and the hell I went through and the sh** I put up with to help him - not her. I was the one that got him to confide in me and realize what was going on (while he was starting to get out of fog while she was gone for 3 weeks). I wish he realized that. Someday, you think?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>HBH, Yes, be proud. Without your stability it would not have happened - at least no time soon. Someday I think he will thank you.<P>WAT<P>

hurtbyhubby:<P>I know your hurt and angry, but look at it this way...at least he went to a counselor. It's a step in the right direction. If he is bipolar and gets help, maybe medication to control his problem, he might think clearer. <P>I think my H is bipolar, but he only went to one appointment. The Dr. said his mind was racing and he couldn't think straight (NO doubt in my mind!!). Unfortunately, he didn't take the med. properly and stopped taking it. He didn't go back, I think he was afraid the Dr. would figure out the truth..OW. <P>Your H must think he has a problem or he wouldn't have gone to the counselor. Let's hope he keeps going and it's helps. <P>I know with my H, no matter what I did...it didn't matter. One minute, not often, when he came down to earth he wanted to vent to me. For the most he just yelled and cussed me, very hateful. Go figure. I don't even think he knew what he wanted or what he was doing. My H is controled by OW. <P>So just know you did the best you could, you deserve credit for that. I wouldn't bank on getting any credit from him, but maybe he will sometime see the light. <P> RE: He's getting help for himself so he can be a better person for OW (his words), start a new life over with her and not "ruin" her like he did me. <P>If he does become a better person, he'll realize what he is doing is not right....hopefully. <P>Take care and wishes for better days.<P>

<BR>This is wonderful news!!!<P>If your H is bipolar or has some other treatable disorder then once he starts treatment things might change drastically.<P>What I have found out about disorders like this (Bipolar, ADD, depression, etc) is that a person with these disorders behaves in a particular manner because the behavior actually causes the brain to produce certain chemicals. The chemicals are very similar to the ones doctors prescribe to medical the disorder. So he is self-medicating by this outrageous behavior.<P>An example is when a child with ADD gravitates toward “bad” friends and fringe behavior. The excitement of this causes the brain chemicals to flow. Another thing they tend to gravitate to is the wildest amusement park rides.. they do the same thing. My son has ADD. When he was 5 years old he’d outgrown the kids rides at amusement parks. And do you know what he wanted to do? Things like the roller coaster rides that go upside down and the rides that are a 10-story free fall. Yes that was fun to my 5 year old… to me its sheer terror. But for him these are a chemical fix. Treatment has mitigated this to some extent. (I have a household full of ADD kids & husband so I know this aspect of the disorder very well.)<P>Most people with these disorders learn compensating behaviors early in life. However, as they get older, as their stamina and faculties start to decline with age, it gets harder for them to tap into the compensating behaviors. I wonder if this is one of the causes for mid-life crises. Seems to me that some men never return to “themselves” after the MLC.<P>So, my point here is if you H will seek the treatment, his need for the behavior will decrease. After some weeks on treatment, he may finally start coming out of the fog and be able to see the harm he has caused. He may start to realize what he is loosing. There is no guarantee but it is a very big possibility. <P>An aside... who needs "friends" like them. Screw them.....<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare