I have previously written about my husband moving out and in with her the day after I found out about his affair, and his wanting to move back a week later. Well, I decided to take him back if for no other reason than to get him away from her. But now he is in withdrawal. He was so anxious to get back, but now he just sits around and mopes or even cries over her. He rarely talks to me, so I've tried to keep him busy with our teenage sons' sports activities. They initailly wanted no part of him, but I begged them to do this for me. I'm hoping this will keep his mind off her. He's only been home 4 days now, but I don't know if I can handle this. Please help.

I just want to encourage you because if he was very emotionally attached to OW it could TAKE awhile! My H moved out 10 days after d-day for 3 wks having broken it off with OW several times then going back to her.She worked with H and is single and wanted him to divorce me and marry her. They'd been working together for a year. After being out of the house 3 wks H wanted to reconcile and moved back home. Then slept on couch secretly still in contact with OW for 6 wks.( I thought he was in withdrawal then but it was really fog still) Then filed for D on me then cancelled THAT the next day and THEN went into withdrawal for 6 wks where he still was ambivalent and slept on couch off and on and sometimes brought up divorce again. It was pretty awful. I only got thru it thru going to lots of bible studies, hanging out with friends, getting addicted to Starbucks every day( thinking time alone) and when he was really withdrawn I would go shopping or out somewhere by myself. My counselor told me not to take what he said too seriously- he was right. It is now 4 mo past d-day and he is finally committing to our marriage again. So I just wanted you to hang in there for the duration if you think your marriage can work out in the long run!lifeismessy

Wow,I don't know how I can last through 4 months of this, but I'll keep trying. I don't know how feelings can be so changeable, how they can beg to come home, and then ignore us when we let them. Thanks for your advice and encouragement.

Try not to think about it taking 4 mo or more! Just go one day or week at a time. Honestly the way my H's 'thinking' was influenced in a bad way by OW I was shocked at some of the things that came out of his mouth. For example- "I have to wait and see if I can get my feelings back for you ( after 15 yrs of marriage!), "I'm not IN love with you," "Divorce wont harm our kids-this after we always said how kids have it so hard in a broken home!", "We're incompatible- and therapy cant help!", Oh and when I asked him why he hadnt kissed me or been intimate with me since 3 months BEFORE d-day he said, " Its as if youre asking me to go kiss the neighbor lady on demand!" ???!!! I mean OW did a real NUMBER on my H"s usually reasonable common sense! She managed to skew his thinking BIGTIME kind of like the Moonies leader! At first when he would spout this stuff I would freak and run calling my friends crying! But after awhile I started thinking of him as 'temporarily insane!" I would just Plan A and if I was depressed I would leave the house. The good thing is- despite all this crap we've been thru my H did love me deep down and now things are better than EVER between us.I had to wait 7 mo before we became intimate again- he cut off all intimacy with me as soon as his A turned physical with OW and then until 4 mo past d-day. Believe me I was seriously questioning if it would EVER come back. But when it did it was GREAT! I waited him out till he felt ready. So keep posting and keep the faith!lifeismessy

Makeup: my 2c of worth.<BR>I am a H that had a OW for 1wk, and after 5 years I found my wife had OM for 1 wk, and we went (and still are) going through tough times. A lot of hurt and damaged feelings arouse...like opening a box of Pandora.<BR>For you, I'd say you should focus on yourself for a second. Feel love for yourself. Treat yourself well. Get in shape, exercise, eat well, thing of how wonderful it is to have the rest of your life to live. And then, let your H feel you are desirable by other men and other people would like to have you around. That might wake him up to see how life with you can be and will be wonderful, if you both can hang in there. <BR>Cheer up! Weget

lifeismessy - your relationship sounds just like mine. We haven't been intimate since about 2 months before D-day. When I would try to talk about what was going on between us, he would just brush me off. The only time he has been remotely affectionate was after he moved out and and then decided that he wanted to move back home. I guess he was trying to convince me things would be different. Well, now that he's home he's back to the same old way. Nut your story gives me the hope to keep on waiting for better days ahead. Thanks

makeup- I am so glad my story is similar to yours. I sure hope your H comes to his senses. Please read my advice to Spiritfilled's post on this board today- I wrote about what I had to do to actually get H off the couch and into counseling with me after his withdrawal period of 6 wks or so started to get to me.( he kept bringing up divorce several times during this period of time) Of course dont take any drastic action if you can avoid it! I had to! lifeismessy PS our intimate life is better than EVER just wanted to encourage you!

I haven't written for awhile because I have been too depressed. My husband moved out again the same night i wrote my last post, I'm sure he is with her again. He called several times on Friday leaving messages asking us to page him if we wanted to talk. We (my sons and I) are screening all our calls and have not picked up when he called or paged him back. I guess this is plan B, though not officially. We'll see what happens with tomorrow being Father's Day and Monday being our sons' birthdays. (They were both born on the same day, two years apart.) Wonderful birthday for them.