I just wrote before for some advice or encouragement - I'm the pregnant wife. But how do you wait for your husband to decide whether he'll return or not and not feel like a reject everyday whilst trying to cope with having your first child without him by your side? It's so lonely and there's nothing I can do about it. I love him. And I love this baby.

You just have faith that things WILL get better. It's hard to do that, I've been suicidal at times because I've felt so rejected, so useless, so worthless. After 17 years of marriage, how could he just turn around and throw me away like this, like just so much trash? My husband finds the other woman 'fascinating' - that hurt the most. Did he ever, ever find me fascinating? Am I really so boring, so insecure, so stupid? Of course not. Because this is NOT your husband speaking - I'll explain.<P>A lot of us here refer to our WH (wayward husband) as being an 'alien'. This is because when people have an affair, it is as though their whole personality changes, very suddenly and very obviously. Have you noticed that with your own husband? He can't look you in the eye? He dresses differently? He sounds different? He even looks different? I'll bet that other people in your circle of friends and family have noticed that too haven't they? It's almost as if he's been abducted by aliens and they've sent 'something' else in his place. You are still in love with your real husband - the one that he used to be, and this replacement is just so horrible that you don't know how you could have ever loved him. It's confusing. Have faith that your real husband is still there - he's just very, very lost at the moment. Someday he will manage to fight his way back and he will then have a very hard time realising what he did to you. Forgiveness and a willingness to be there for him, help pick up the pieces, is crucial. Not for the 'alien' him - but for the real him that you know and love deeply.<P>Waiting is the hardest part. The acceptance that you can't fix him - he can only fix himself is tough. It takes such a lot of time, and just when you think you see a glimpse of your real husband coming through, it disappears again. That's what we're here for - reassurance that you are on the right path when you are in doubt, reassurance that ALL the 'aliens' are speaking from the same 'script'. They all come out with exactly the same phrases, the same ideas - it's incredible! Yes, having the patience to wait is tough, but we are here to help, here to pull each other up again when we fall, here to applaud you when something goes right. We're all in this together and that's a comforting thought. Believe me - we WON'T let you give up!<P>Hugs, Paint.

Dancer,<P>I feel for you. It would be nice to know a little more about your situation though, will make it easier to respond. Could you give us a little background, how long married, what happened etc.<P>Also, please if you have not yet read all the stuff on this site on surviving an affair. Start here: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html</A> <P>What you are going through is one of the most painful experiences you can have in a marriage, and at a time when you are already emotionaly vulnerable. Take it one minute at a time, read and post. You'll find that this site alone is worth a million $ in therapy. <P>If you aren't take some time for you right now, you have a baby to consider coming soon. This has got to be very difficult indeed. Do you have a friend or family member to go to the delivery w/you? (I personally would love the experience, but I doubt I'm in your area )<P>

I was also pregnant with our first child when my H was having his affair. I found out the day after he moved out to live with the OW. It was REALLY hard but I just kept faith that God would help me. Things unfortunately don't happen on our timetable and it took longer than I wanted, but in the end it did work out! Try and take care of yourself for the baby's sake.