My marriage started off great. We loved to be around each and could talk about anything all night long. 11 months later it seems that has all diappeared. My wife has grown very distant, our sex life is all but disappeared, and conversation is nonexistent. I try to ask what is wrong and she tells me everything is fine she doesn't feel well or she is stressed from school and work or some other excuse. I told her to stop working figuring she would not be as stressed, but it is still the same. The problems first started with a decrease in sex, then less hugging and kissing, next was less conversation, and finally it is a chore for her to say I love you to me. I spoke to her about marriage counseling and she told me everything was fine , but I was too needy. I try to discuss the way I feel and she gets angry at me. <BR> At first I would get hurt emtionally, but now I am starting to get feed up. Am I too needy ??? I get a feeling that there is someone else, but she swears she would never cheat on me she just blames (now) school or she doesn't feel good. I told her we can get her a doctors appointment but, she never takes me up on it. I try to be supportive of her and I do everything I possibly can to make her happy. Every once in a while things would seem ok, but they always go back. Some times I feel like she is hanging on for the free ride and b/c I am a med student. I do not want a divorce now, but I am scared she is waiting till I am making the big money to get rid of me. I know that is a horrible thought, but I cannot figure any other reason why she would stay with me and be so resentful of me. I have never abused her physically or mentally,I have never accused her of anything, and I never denyed her anything she is ever wanted. I don't know what to do. If any one has any insight, similar experiences, or advice I would appreciate your help.

okcc -- While reading your post, I was struck that you were describing years 3-9 of my marriage(Actually, things got a little better once OM was in the picture even though I had no knowledge of him until this year). It was like reading a biography of my life. <P>My advice to you is for you to start counseling on your own first. You have to start looking inside to build the strength you will need for the effort to try to make the marriage work.<P>I have heard a lot of the things from W that your W is telling you. When our sex life slacked off(as it did often), she would have a different reason every time. If there was something I was doing that turned her off of the idea of sex, my correcting the behavior never fixed anything. If I asked again, there would be a different reason. Now, I think that it's important to remember that she was <B>not</B> involved with OM at that time, but I did as you are doing, suspecting and asking if there was someone else.<P>Our biggest problem is communication and it appears that yours is also. Joint counseling would definitely be the way to go, but you can't force her to participate.<P>Lastly, let me share a little insight that our joint therapist has discovered about W and I(she brought this up last week). I have felt that W was not truly committed to our joint therapy. While we are doing this, she has wanted the divorce to proceed full-steam. I couldn't make sense of this and doubted her commitment to the counseling. Last Friday, our therapist told us that what she is seeing is a sex-role reversal on our parts when it comes to communication.<P>Basically, I have taken the feminine role in needing <B>verbal</B> reassurances and communication. W has taken the more masculine role of(unspoken) "Well, I'm here, what more can I do to show you my commitment". This was a revelation to me. Maybe it has happened to the two of you also.<P>I'm like you, in that I feel that I am a needy person. This probably comes from our differing communication styles and that my needs are not being met.<P>So hang in there, start counseling and maybe W will see enough positive changes in you that she will then be willing to work together.<P>Based on my experience, it is very possible that there is no OM in the picture yet, but I can't guarantee that as each situation, no matter how similar, is unique. If there is no OM, now is the perfect time to start to work to prevent the pain that an affair causes.<P>Take heart in the fact that I am very much like you and you are not alone in this.<P>My thoughts and hopes are with you. Keep us updated.