Okay. <P>Birthday night. Went out with H. We went to House of Blues @ Downtown Disney. Walked around first. I mentioned that it seemed like a fun place to 'hang' out. H <B> had </B> to say "Will you come here with me when I move out?" "Because I am going to leave you know." "I'm NOT going to get married; I'm going to hang out with a lot of people." and last, "D***, I didn't want to say this to you on your birthday." <P><I> from voicemail, I know H and OW has some kind of conflict yesterday that she apologized for. I'm guessing this was his way of 'putting me in my place.' </I><P>I didn't take the bait. I said, "well I'm not sure. As you know just being friends may take a while. I will need time to get to that place. How would you feel if I saw other people?" He said, "I'd be okay with it...well, I'd be upset...but at least make sure they will be good with the boys." <P>I started tearing up so I ducked behind some bookcases (we were in a bookstore) dried my tears and kept stepping. I bought a couple of new books and asked him to please read the MB stuff. Again, he said he would. <P>He held my hand all night, even put his arm around me...we kissed a couple of times. He was deep in thought through dinner...but again, I let is slide. All in all, it wasn't a great night...but neither was it a terrible night.<P>---------<P>This a.m. had a session with Steve. He said do what I am doing. Don't try to fix him. Don't negate his feelings. Stay in plan A. Let him be the one to make decisions--especially about moving out. Focus on the changes I am making in myself.<P>I'm also to try to get H to talk to him. (crossing fingers).<P>except for reading stuff about Orchid and Belld, I am fairly positive today.<P>Thanks so much to all of you who participated in my birthday party. I appreciated it more than you can know. (I even showed H some of it--he didn't get to see the Frog part --let him believe it was a naked man....)<P>Continued prayers for everyone.<P><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

Good Plan A work, Cali, except for one thing. Please think hard about saying things like, "How would you feel if I saw other people?"<P>Regardless of your real intent, making him jealous will not work. You can't out-romance a romantic. It may also come across as an ultimatum. These don't work either.<P>Just think about it, OK?<P>WAT

<BR><B>Good Plan A work, Cali, except for one thing. Please think hard about saying things like, "How would you feel if I saw other people?"<P>Regardless of your real intent, making him jealous will not work. You can't out-romance a romantic. It may also come across as an ultimatum. These don't work either.<P>Just think about it, OK? </B><P>Cripes...didn't even occur to me. Thanks so much for seeing it. Won't come out of my mouth again! Wish I had an automatic MB screen for every word I said .<P>Cali<P>

Hi Cali,<BR> You handled last night beautifully!!!! I disagree with Dave (sorry Dave!)I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said. That is reality, for if H choses to leave and not come back, surely a lovely, bright, young woman like yourself would be attractive to many others and why should you spend your life alone? Your comment to him was appropriate. No, you do not want to manipulate or intentionally do things to make him jealous but it is not against the rules to give him reality tidbits to chew on, especially when you can do it without it seeming like you're trying to educate him or LBing!

Stronger,<BR>I think you did a good job. It's so difficult to handle being told by the spouse that they are moving out...but yet they haven't.<P>And, asking the someone else question isn't any big deal. My H told me many times I should see someone else. BUT as for you ACTUALLU seeing someone else...you're married and even if separated, you aren't legally available and it isn't honorable. Wait for that until you are divorced. Bringing yet another person into this mess won't really help you, it will only complicate & confuse the issues. I'm speaking from experience...during our 7th sep I got involved with a male friend, and since my H & I did reconcile after that...it simply was more difficult than if I hadn't had that relationship.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Thanks guys--<P>I am toasted right now, end of school year party. <BR>I can't believe how vulnerable I am. Just want to know I am desireable. <P>had a coworker call H and he picked me up and brought me home. sorry to post like this...don't usually get drunk...never drink...so much pain lately. Thanks for being there friends. gonna sleep this off.<P>Cali<P>should never post when drinking. lesson learned. <p>[This message has been edited by StrongerInCali (edited June 15, 2001).]