I am on cloud nine - I'm grinning from ear to ear!! I had a wonderful evening with my WH, I just have to tell you all everything that happened (and didn't!). He's still very confused, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel - I really can!!<P>We met him at his office, and he agreed to drive to the restaurant with me and the kids in my car (good sign). Things got a bit tricky at the restaurant, because they didn't do Pizza, and my eldest eats hardly anything BUT Pizza LOL! There was a bit of a tantrum and a few tears, but I kept things as calm as possible and settled her with some garlic bread, and the promise of a take-out pizza on the way home! <P>The restaurant did big 'family' style meals that you were supposed to share, so me and WH shared the same pasta dish (another good thing!). It was a bit difficult having a conversation with him, because the kids kept interrupting - but when we were in the car going back to his office he asked if it would be OK if he came back for coffee (YES!!!!). I got the kids straight to bed without too much trouble, he made coffee - then he showed me the photo's he had taken on vacation in England, we laughed together, chatted about them, made lots of eye-contact...<P>Then we went back into the family room - and we really started talking then. He asked me how I was and we got into a deep conversation about how I believed (and he does too), that this was meant to happen for a reason - no-one was to blame, it was a learning experience for our souls. I said that we both needed time - that was the most valuable thing we could give each other at the moment. I also said that no-one could predict what this lesson was to be - it could just be that our relationship needed a damn good kick up the 'butt', or there could be other reasons...<BR>He said that he still felt the same, emotionally, about the OW - he still felt in love with her and that they were soulmates BUT... (this is where it gets good)...She had decided that she needed to give her own marriage a chance and they had agreed to 'no contact' whatsoever (Whoopeee!!)..<P>Then it gets even better...his contact lens fell out, so we went upstairs so he could use some of my lens solution to re-wet it and put it back in. His eyes were still dry, so I offered to put eye-drops in for him. While I was close up to him putting the eye-drops in, he put his arms around me and gave me such a loving hug - then he started to kiss me!!! ....I was SO tempted - but I kept control and I told him that I respected him too much to let him do something that he might regret in the morning - no matter how much I would love to. I told him that he really had to be sure of his feelings first, and when that happened, I would be here for him. Then I hugged him again and he agreed to go back downstairs for another cup of coffee. We talked for a lot longer, I never LB'd even once, said all the right things and he was opening up to me like he's never done before - it was so good! Eventually he said he ought to go home, as he's still jet-lagged and tired, but before he went he gave me another cuddle - and started kissing me AGAIN. I must admit I kissed him back quite passionately this time, but still wouldn't let him stay the night, I just repeated that I loved him deeply, and would like nothing more than to be with him tonight - but I knew that he was feeling emotional and confused and it wouldn't be right for me to take advantage of that. He agreed, we hugged again - I told him that I knew the next few weeks were going to be very hard and very painful for him, and if he wanted to talk anytime, I would be there for him. I told him I loved him again, and he said 'I know you do', then he left.<P>Was that a great night, or was it a great night? I am on cloud nine and ready to dance round the room naked!! <P>I know he's still very much in the fog, but I more than a glimpse of my 'old' husband - the 'real' one tonight. If the OW can just keep her hands off him while he goes through 'withdrawal' I could be on a home run!<P>Oh he also said that he had been thinking of marriage counselling, but didn't feel ready for that YET (note the 'yet'). Oh God, I'm so happy...this was just the break I needed.<P>hugs, Paint.

You GO girl!<P> <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Oh Paint!<P>I am so very happy for you.<P>You will continue to be in my prayers. Sleep well tonight.<P>cali<BR>

Dear Paint,<P>A good experience. I am glad you shared it with us. It is nice to see our mates returning to their former selves. <P>Now a bit of soberness, not to burst your bubble. This transition back to reality will take time. But each occurance such as you had tonight makes each trip back to your family quicker and longer. <P>Hoping for the best and big <<<<hugs>>>> to you. <P>L.<BR>

Hi Paint<P>I don't post here very often but I have been following your story - which has a lot of similarities with mine. It was so refreshing to learn about how things are starting to look bright for you - and I sincerely hope it continues. Good luck - and please keep us informed of your progress - news like this makes me think twice about throwing in the towel.<P>Take care<BR>Shakti<BR>

I forgot to tell you that he also wants us to come to Church with him on Sunday morning, before we go to the race together. I was suprised as he's never been a churchgoer - but apparently he's been going regularly these past few weeks! <P>I know it's a rollercoaster - and I know that he's going to go through some tough times with the 'no contact' - I also know that at the moment, all the OW has got to do is click her fingers and he'll go to her...but we got a head start tonight, and I'm going to make sure I deposit Millions and Millions of love units into his account over the next few weeks... <P>One thing I learned tonight - I had been worrying about whether I had really forgiven him for sleeping with her, but you know - it never crossed my mind once when we were kissing, it really didn't matter at all. It's always been the emotional bond between them that scared me the most (and still does!). I don't pray very often - I have some peculiar spiritual beliefs, and I don't like asking for things when there are so many other people worse off than me - but I have been praying recently, and I certainly prayed tonight, to give thanks for my wonderful evening. I know that many people have been praying for us too, and it is appreciated more than they realise!<BR>I'm going to need a sleeping pill tonight - I'm still grinning from ear to ear!<P>Paint.

Paint,<P>You are increadable. I don't know how you found the strength to pull it off. Plan A has got to be so very hard to do. <P>I think you are going to make it. I hope you do.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Yay! I laughed out loud when I saw terri's "You go girl" I have no idea why i laughed, but well it's funny to me.<P>More to the point here Glad things are starting to look good. Glad his fog is lifting. Pretty cool when that happens. I'm sure he left your place that night thinking some of the same things I was thinking when I talked with my wife the first time in a long time, we really talked again. I was very excited, and very happy about us.<P>So "You go girl!" LOL<BR><P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.

Very good, Paint. I have a big smile this morning because of your news. Did you wear your little black dress?<P>You're informed enough to know that there's a lot of work ahead, based on what I've read from others. But it certainly is a charge to make a big step in the right direction. Continue being confident, but always be aware that there will be sun, but also rain.<P>WAT

That is great news. I can specifically site a hug as being the first big change I saw in my H. It took afew months after that for him to totally come around, but once there is a chink in the fog armor....

GOOD LUCK! This is such an great change of events! You made my day as my situation from yesterday is better as well.<P>I have been up since 2 am EST worring, praying and writing about all my own troubles and would you believe that I am so much better today than yesterday. A near 180 from my post asking for prayers from the good folks at MB who know what suffering is all about. <P>Writing out thoughts to oneself is so theraputic. You should create an LB book <BR>to write<BR> in all the love busters that you are not going to do in the upcoming months.<P>My husband is finally in recovery with me. Other troubles became much bigger than us being mad at one another that we started to cling to one another and fall back in love. I can't see him giving me a lovebuster anytime in the near future if ever. I believe we are totally out of conflict and beginning stages of intimacy as it was when we were dating. A true team.<P>I hope the same for you. Dealing with my husbands suffering for the past year since my confession was the most profound experience of my life. Now it is time for the real work as it will be for both you and your husband.I can only hope that your husband is like me.<P>Thanks for brightening my day!!<P>

I laughed at Terri's 'You go Girl!' too - it just summed my feelings up very appropriately! <P>Beautiful - I am so happy that you have found some hope too. I know that writing in my journal really helps me - pages and pages of it sometimes. I also write an affirmation at the start of each day, one that is appropriate to the way I'm feeling or need to feel.<P>So where now? I was talking to my husband last night about affirmations, and that when you were 'down' you sometimes felt worthless - he agreed that he sometimes felt that way too, especially as this was 'all his fault'. I told him that no-one was to blame - it was meant to happen for a reason and all 4 people involved had a part to play in it. I still think he's quite down - and certainly will be on a rollercoaster the next few weeks, so I've decided to write an affirmation for him and e-mail it to him. I will tell him that I wrote the affirmations specifically for him, because I believe them to be true qualities that he possesses, and whenever he feels 'down' to read them and believe. I'll also e-mail him daily with little bits and bobs to cheer him up (and of course, 'phone calls). Not too heavy - just enough so that he feels someone really cares about him.<P>Woke up this morning still grinning...<P>hugs, Paint

<<"She had decided that she needed to give her own marriage a chance and they had agreed to 'no contact' whatsoever (Whoopeee!!)..">><P><BR>Great news!!! .. and who was right about the fact she wasn't going to leave her H?? ( )<P>Whoopie, I feel like dancing with you!! You did an awesome job!! Bravo!! Thanks for the update!<P> <BR>

Paint,<P>That is great. Keep it up because you are doing it right. We're all pulling for you.

Paint I am SO happy for you! I've been following along with your story and I know that things can go either way and its so great when they take a turn for the definite better! My own story was back and forth for 4 mo before true recovery even began!My H moved out for a month to be with OW and then even filed for D on me and cancelled it later. Just remember if he is emotionally still tied up with OW hewill probably get weak and have a a few slip-ups in the future with contact to her or feel guilty about breaking it off with her- dont take these things personally. It was 2 steps forward one step back with H's A- it was very emotionally tight between him and OW and she is single and pressured him to divorce me. At least your H"s OW is married- I wish my H"s OW was!!! Give your H and yourself time to get your feelings back for each other. My H hadnt even kissed me for 7 mo during his A and a few months after it and now we are better than ever in that area but it took time and lots of patience and not rushing into it. As well as counseling. Take care and smile smile smile! lifeismessy