Okay. After everything else and me finally getting PO'd and deciding this man was not worth it (since he was accusing me of child abuse!), I get this really long voicemail this morning.<P>It talks about how he really needed me the other day and by me not talking to him it showed my true colors and made him realize how much he hates me, should have never married me, and how much he wants to divorce me now.<P>He said he had re-read my plan B letter and was actually considering starting over with me and starting a new life (Oh my - so much for his love for OW, huh?). But now because I wouldn't talk to him he realizes I am really just out to get him and that I am now suddenly keeping him from the kids (after his voicemail just 2 days ago saying I WASN'T keeping him from the kids).<P>Hmmm... I ignored pretty much most of the stuff he said. Sounds like the fog is lifting somewhat though. Of course, he also threw in that he's going to see the lawyer on Monday, wants to know if the divorce is contested or not and is still suing for custody of the kids based on child abuse (ugh, I shudder at that word, anyone that abuses their kids is just not fit to live on this world, I hate the thought of him trying to throw me into that category!)<P>It's almost like he's trying to make ME feel bad for not helping him now and trying that tactic to get whatever it is he is trying to get... Plus he's scared, I'm sure.<P>Hmmm... I sent him a voicemail, hopefully he will actually listen to it and not erase it (he said he was going to erase all the rest of my messages and just go through the lawyer from now on). I just said, I am not out to get him, I still love him, but things would have to change majorly to work things out. Everything he thinks I am doing is in his head, I am not out to get him - if I was, I would be doing WAY worse things. Right now, I'm doing nothing. I am scared of him and devastated and I'm just trying to make a life for myself and make the kids happy. I need to know they are safe and THAT is why I want supervised visits - no other reason.<P>Well, we'll see if he listens to the message I guess. Hopefully he will meet my parents at the park today and see the kids for a few hours too. We will see about that too, I guess.<P>Hmmm... Now he has me wondering. He better not break into my house this weekend while I am out again.

Just an update. It always makes me feel better to post these things.<P>H did listen to my voicemail and left me another one(hmmm, after he just got through saying he would erase ALL of them w/o listening to them). He said he still doesn't believe I'm not out to get him, that he can't talk to me about the other day anymore because he needed to talk then (I think this means he went PA), and to just "keep doing what I'm doing". Which I *think* means take care of me and the kids...<P>Hmmm... He wasn't mean, didn't try to hurt me, or mention divorce at all this time! I think maybe he is actually thinking for once. I hope so, he's been pretty stupid and callous lately.<P>Sigh. Now he has me back on the freakin' roller coaster. Every time I get off of it and convince myself to stay off, he gets me to ride again. This sucks - I want to get off!<P>Thanks for listening. I know this all sounds hopeful, but I've had my hopes up way too much in the past only to get crushed again and again. I just need to live for me and the kids right now and not hope anything. We shall see.<P>I have come to a place in my life where I realize the kids and I will be fine with or without him. I prefer with him, but either way is okay with me right now. He is the one responsibly for screwing up his own life if he so chooses, and boy, is he ever screwing up!!<P>Oh yeah, and he DIDN'T come see the kids AGAIN. Jerk. Good thing my 6-year old said she didn't want to see him today anyway, I would be pretty pi**ed if he blew her off! 14 days and counting since we last saw him and the kids talked to him (oh - but that's all my fault ).

Hmmmmm.......sounds as though H is seeing the forest beyond the trees! Hope that he keeps on track.<P>Wow......so many of your posts regarding your H sounds like my H's way of thinking. Everything to my H is POWER.....don't challenge his power because he'll do anything and everything possible to show you different..legal or not. He doesn't turn down a challenge. The trouble with types like my H and you H is that everything is a contest. They cannot comprehend the difference between a contest as opposed to life, in general. Does this "family" first thing not come naturally to the beast? <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited June 16, 2001).]

You really need to STICK to Plan B ... no contact. He sees that he can manipulate you with the threats (you left voicemail) then with accusations (you left another voicemail). You are still letting him call the shots, and you need to stop that from happening.<P>Don't intend to be mean, just firm. Plan B is Plan B - remember why you are there.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Dear HbH,<P>Lot of hot air those WS blow out. Ever changing mind. Almost more than they change their clothes. That is the fog. That is kind of waffling. Maybe mini-waffles. <P>When life is not good for them they blame you. When OW is with them, they blame you. So for now he is blaming you for everything. Until he runs out of things to blame you for. <P>You want off that rollercoaster? You need to work to the acceptance stage of grieving. You sound like you are almost there. Realizing that you and your family can make it with or without your H is the beginning of that acceptance stage. Mind you I am not saying to chalk up your marriage as a failure. Instead you are acknowledging your options. This is good. During this time you may start to feel a bit of relief. Some of that pressure to make things work will be relieved to know that if it doesn't you are not to blame. That's when our part of the roller coaster ride slows down. Our real priorities show back up and our life goes on. <P>This is where I am at now. Oh, I have slipped a bit but it is always easier to reach up to the acceptance stage once you know how much better your feel. Now your H has to prove his worth of value to your family. <P>L.<BR>