... that some WS should be kicked out of the house instead of plan A (or after plan A for some time) to feel the "in love" that they can't feel otherwise?<BR>I undertsand it's like plan B but I can still do plan A for a long time (I have lots of patience and love I guess) , I am just wondering if it is possible for them to never come around and get the feelings back if they are "pampered"?<BR>Thanks in advance.<BR>Ivan

In my case, WS said he could continue out there indefinitely as long as I tolerated it. Can you believe it? So for me plan A was a slap in the face. Plan B was a better move since it forced a wake up call. One that H is still trying to wake up from. This A had him in a deep trance like state. Very much in the thick pea soup like fog. OW is like one big dark cloud hanging over H's head. She is still there in thought. H still makes excuses. <P>L. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>In my case, WS said he could continue out there indefinitely as long as I tolerated it. Can you believe it? So for me plan A was a slap in the face. Plan B was a better move since it forced a wake up call. One that H is still trying to wake up from. This A had him in a deep trance like state. Very much in the thick pea soup like fog. OW is like one big dark cloud hanging over H's head. She is still there in thought. H still makes excuses. <P>L. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Orchid,<BR>Thanks for the reply.<BR>My W has not been in contact with OM for 3 months since D-day (I am pretty sure ... can it ever be 100% sure????)<BR>She is just not emotionally with me ... she is probably still having thoughts that OM would've been a better substitute for me.... So I thought maybe the best way to kick a WS out of this state of mind is to kick them out of a house? This is probably more like venting because it would be really hard to do it since she is not involved in an A anymore and she is with me ... but I am not sure if every WS finally realizes what is important in life without some drastic measures because she feels pretty good with my plan A and doesn't have to think about anything too much ... I am not sure if all this makes sense but if anyone understands what I mean you replies are always welcome.<P>

Ivan,<P>When H said he permanently wanted to come home, he was challenged to prove what he would give of value to his family, making us want to have him back home. See even though I wanted him back, I was now picky as to the terms of his return. I don't need a roommate or couch potato.<P>Also, H had the challenge of meeting the needs of his family and making them his first priority. Ahead of that of his own. He has not done a good job of that and now I know why. Contact with OW continued for the 1st 6 weeks and now OW claims to be prego. YUCK!!!<P>This is the current point under discussion in our home. If H can not meet the needs of his family and this is truly our need, then he had better find another place. H is not relieved of his responsibilities (financial and to his children) but he can get the divorce and leave me to go whereever. At that point, what happens to him (such as where he lives or even who he chooses to live with as long as my children are not affected), it not my concern. <P>Of course, if he lives with OW, seeing his son will be difficult since OW does not want H to pick up or visit with son at our home nor at any relative's home. Yet, as a mother I will not leave my son in a strange place with a strange woman no less. H is between a rock and a hard place. H has to decide where his life will go. If he chooses OW, that will mean he chooses to cut us off completely. I will not associate with a man who chooses to associate with a psyco. Bad influence for me and my children.<P>This is called tough love. <BR>L.