Never say die!<BR>Junior Member posted June 16, 2001 02:58 PM <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>Well today caught me off guard. I was getting ready to take the kids to the pool this morning when my wife called and said she would like to come and would meet us there. I said great!. Then she called back about 15 minutes later, and said she was bringing OM with her. I wasn't confortable about it, especially with my kids there, and politely said I didn't feel it would be appropriate. I also didn't feel it would be healthy for me either.<P>She didn't like the way I felt about it and said I should be more "mature". She insisted that she is "just friends" with OM now and that their relationship is plutonic (I know she has been sleeping at his place). <P>I finally said It was up to her to decide what to do, but that I didn't feel I myself wanted to be at the pool at the same time with OM. I also told her I love her, am here for her, and want to meet her emotional needs. So she just came by a litle while ago, picked up our youngest son (8 years old)to take him swimming at a different pool where OM lives. She even kissed me on the lips when she was here. I never had any intention at all of even bringing up the subject of OM. She brought the subject up. THIS IS LIKE THE TWILIGHT ZONE! I think she may be trying to get me to accept OM so she will feel less guilty?<P>Am I missing something here or should I have just have gone to the pool with my kids while my wife was there with OM? <P><BR>

I would not go to the pool while wife wanted to bring OM there. This situation is really strange, because usually they don't flaunt it like that.<P>Your wife wanting to pass him off as a friend is ridiculous, but mine is doing the same. She just doesn't expect me to be around him, which in itself, tells you something.<P>You were more flexible than I ever was, because I flat out refused to be anywhere that OM was. Which is better, I don't know, but I can't tolerate it.

I would not have done it. I would have insisted that if OP could not be there for her family without a side kick then so be it. The family will be told that OP can't be there without the sidekick. <P>You don't have to paint a bad picture, she already did. She may not like what she sees but that does not stop her from doing it. <P>Keep your dignity in tact. If you are uncomfortable then say so. If she is allowed to put your children in this situation and you allow it then you will need to prepare your children and you will need to handle their reactions. Depending on the age of your children, their perceptive abilities and what they are exposed to, there could be harmful damaged caused. If you are confused how do you think they will be? <P>They need to see that there is one sane parent there for them. <P>L.<BR>

Let me clarify. What I mean when I say "Be loving, supportive, and caring."<P>This doesn't mean let her walk all over you my friend. <P>This means. If she want's to really talk about whats going on, don't explode on her, and let loose about all the things nasty things she's doing. <P>This only pushes her away, adds fuel to the fire. It also means listening, and admitting your own mistakes in the relationship as well. Thats all you can do. Admit your own mistakes. You can't force her to see her's. She will in time see that on her own. All you can say is look. I've done this and this, and I realize I messed up with those things. I understand where I went wrong.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>Then she called back about 15 minutes later, and said she was bringing OM with her.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This piece of it seriously confuses me. OW and I talked a few times. Making a joke here and there that we would go meet my wife together. This we both knew was never going to happen. Wasn't even a serious joke. I knew there would be fireworks. I knew some bad stuff would go down. If they ever met. It was a benefit to myself, and to (OW). That they never meet.<P>Why your wife wants to you to meet (OM) is beyond me. I personally don't understand that (WS) logic. I don't understand why she is being very loving towards you. Perhaps thier (PA) has ended? Is it just an (EA) now? Are they friends? I don't know. Before my (A) is the only time I ever wanted my wife to truely meet (OW). I was friends with (OW) for two years, and at that point it would have been fine in my mind to do so. Not during the (A).<P>(OW) Also expressed that she didn't want to be anywhere near my wife when she came on a buisness trip to my state. I made sure that we avoided all of these places that my wife might be, ect.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

[H] WROTE: "(OW) Also expressed that she didn't want to be anywhere near my wife when she came on a buisness trip to my state. I made sure that we avoided all of these places that my wife might be, ect."<P>This struck me as extremely funny because just before my H moved out to go and live w/OW, his brother suggested his W come to our house (we were remodeling, and they were "supposedly" helping) I now know my BIL was helping H get affairs in order to leave! Anyway, to get to the point, my BIL made this statement about his W coming over. I blurted out " IF SHE BRINGS xxx (OW's name) OVER HERE, I'LL SHOOT THEM BOTH!!!!!!" <P>See, I knew OW was trying to get her hooks into my H, maybe already had by that time. Not sure (I'll have to ask him later!). Anyway, I only knew BIL and SIL were instrumental in getting them together, and I wanted them to know I knew about that! I think my H almost sunk through an imaginary hole in the floor.... <P>I've often wondered how many times my H has asked himself, "What did my W know, and could she know it?" In truth, it was all just so much suspicion... <P>Sooo, my final point is that I think my H is also wondering when I'm going to show up with the 9MM. Oh, wait, he TOOK that one, I mean the .38! <P>Lupo