I have only been posting for a couple of weeks so I have scores of questions. Our D-day was 4/21 and there has been one little ray of hope this week. After my husb did not go to work last Monday and there was a message on home phone from a coworker looking for him, he was busted and finally admitted to spending the day with OW. The day before a friend told me he saw my H with OW at a diner holding hands. I decided to stop snooping a few weeks ago and trying to rely on God to let me know what I need to know. In between a lenghty discussion on Monday night, my husband decided to read an e-mail from our son who is the same age as OW (26). My H was deeply touched by my son's profound wisdom in the things he shared with him....and it seems to have made him look at his choices and the effect of those choices. I think my H has been under the assumption that there is a black cloud hanging around him and every 7 years, a crisis happens to him. (he has been in his job for 7 years and OW is a coworker)<P>On the other hand, I am wrestling with whether I really want to do this anymore....is there any hope....does my H have an alcohol problem....could he ever change....could I ever be what he needs??????On and On. I am feeling so inadequate as a wife. I just had an opportunity to plant a passionate kiss on my H but could not do it even though I am in dire need for sex. What is wrong with me??? I feel so unattractive to him or anyone. Maybe this is an issue for counselor but it could be a roadblock that needs addressing.<P>Another question is---how do you fill some of the needs of WS when he will not share them with you? or not let you fill any by keeping his distance? Does SAA go into detail about specifics of Plan A? this site only has a Q&A column on Plan A and B but is there more specifics in the book? <P>Has any had heart palpitations from the stress of an A? <P>I really need to be patient with all this and I am not good at letting things go through a process. I am a fixer and problem solver and I am always trying to "open the peddles of the rose before it blooms naturally".<P>

Hi, you sound like you're on a train going downhill with no brakes! Slow down, breathe and think.<P>Sounds as if you recognize some of the issues you have that you should work on. Stop fixing anything but YOU. Buy Surviving an Affair and read it from cover to cover. Then read it again.<P>When a person is in an affair, it is very difficult to meet any of their emotional needs, because they don't want you to meet them. The main part of Plan A is making the marriage a safe place to be: No love busters. In other words, make it a point NOT to do things that you know irritate or anger your husband. Then THINK about the way things were when you first fell in love and see if you can extract some of the emotional needs that you might have been meeting for him. If you know anything about what it is he is doing with OW, those things are clues to emotional needs as well.<P>And work on making YOU the best you ever!<P>If you find that you are experiencing despair or despondency that is continuing or worsening, you might want to consider talking to your doctor about anti-depressants. Many of us here at MB have used them during the darkest days of our lives. They do NOT make you happy, but they DO help you handle the yucky stuff without being so overwhelmed.<P>I hope that something I've said is helpful.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>