They have not been in contact since last Thursday. There was 1 new message this am. OW wished him a HFD and 'can't wait until next year when they can be together on special days like this.'<P>I erased it. I erased it. I erased it.<P>I see such confusion on his face. We had a conversation this morning:<P>Me: What's wrong?<P>H: I'm only going to say this once. Don't ask me to repeat it. I feel like I am going to do the wrong thing. I keep seeking approval from everyone.<P>Me: I believe there's only one entity from which you need to seek approval--God.<P>He didn't know what to say after that. <P>Yesterday he started reading passages from the books I have been leaving around.<P>I FEEL LIKE I DESERVE NO CONTACT, D*** IT. <P>I erased the message. Why do I feel such guilt and fear?<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

Good for you. Put a protective circle around yourself, your family and your children. If you H wants to step out side of that circle he can do it without your help. <P>You can impose a "clean home" rule in that any contact that tries to get through to your home will be cut short by you. Go for it, it's for your own peace of mind. Is there a service from you phone company where you can block incoming calls from a particular #? If so do it. Has your H agreed to no contact? Do not recall that he has. Why not tell him you just will not tollerate the contact in your home?<P>Z<P>I suppose tht Dr. Harley would say that for the sake of totaly honesty you should have told your H. <P>But sometimes we need to do what we need to do. No one got hurt by it.

I've done something similar - and it goes against total honesty by not telling him. BUT - it's something you did to preserve your family, and yourself and damn it - yes - you do deserve it. <BR>And this goes against a basic Harley principle, but I wouldn't tell him - ever. Move on. Others may not agree.

oops -I double posted<p>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited June 18, 2001).]

Someday you will need to come clean and tell the truth - but not today, and not anytime before your H is out of the fog.<P>You had the right to do it. You feel guilty because you don't know if your H would approve or not. Just know that someday he WILL thank you. That should put your mind at ease.

Well having been in your shoes I can say that I never once regretted getting rid of things that the OW felt the need to give to MY h. And I emphasize MY. The one incident that really set me off was finding a hot pink sticky note on an email that OW sent my H that read "do you remember this night, we were as new as the moon then". I would not have found it, but I picked up a stack of papers to move and dropped part of them and it slid out. The first and really only thing that came to mind was "what in the world was she thinking, and what if one of our children had seen this note." I was so angry that I could have done someone real bodily harm had they been in the vicinity. Needless to say, I went through the stack of papers and was not surprised to find other such cute things that she had put on various papers. I took them all and they hit the trash. The funny thing is that I doubt my H had even read them or they would not have been there, so her attempts were in vain. <P>That was when I decided that I wanted no part of her in our home any longer. I did not tell my H about the notes, but I did have a conversation with him and told him that I did not want any reminders of her in our home. A couple of times later I found a few of her childish attempts at being cute (this is a woman well over the age of 40, and cute is NOT cute at that age) and out they went, no questions asked. It was our home of which she had no place.<P>There comes a time when you have to declare that there are boundaries; it is your home not theirs, and you have every right to request that she be kept out of it.