***<p>[This message has been edited by HumbleFish (edited June 18, 2001).]

I am wondering if this is HumbleFish or an imposter with the ignorance of this posting. If it is HumbleFish, then I have to laugh, (guess it is the slow American in me), but anyhoo, u seem irrate because people here didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. So I will, MM loves you and only you but is staying with W because......i guess u can fill in whatever reason u need to get you through you days, kids, financial, wife is holding a gun to his head, his family is holding a gun to his head, W's family is holding a gun to his head, etc, etc, etc. Goodbye Humblefish and good luck in your European life...side note...most posters on this board do not remember WHERE EVERYONE LIVES on this board....i guess that is the American dumbness again, not remembering where over 25,000 posters are from...so sorry.

Is it me or does this post make absolutely no sense whatsoever? Is this a reading disorder (on our part)or a writing disorder (on HFs' part)? <P>Or has Humblefish been hitting the akkavit again? <P>A lot of posts in here get no answers and just drop off the page. I've read many posts that I just had no answer for or didn't feel like I knew enough to post and answer to. And I've posted questions that have gone unanswered. I'm assuming that it's because noone out there had anything for me. Or maybe everyone in the world really hates me and wants me to drop off the edge of a cliff? Or they don't know how to read? Or I've lost my mind and am typing in sanskrit?<P>Snow<P>

HF, I just had to respond...I'm certain that most of the MB'ers understand that OW's feel pain too BUT please understand that legally the MM is our family and in some case, the father of our children and our children's pain is of far greater concern. I don't know much about about your story but does your MM have children? If so, find it in your heart to let go.

Honestly Humblefish you are off the wall. Most of the answers to your questions were about HOW but that doesn't mean they weren't sincerely trying to help. So for their help you turn around and blast their nationality, county of origin, reading skills, sensitivity, understanding, etc.<P>Anything left....what about their choice of dogs....?????<P>This whole thing is silly. I love the United State and I'm sure you love your country...but no way would I get on here and run down your country just because I didn't get the answers I wanted to my questions. I stopped reading your posts since the last tirade on the US because I didn't really think you wanted help...you just wanted someone to rant at because WH won't choose you instead of wife. <P>You don't really want to end this thing....you think you are entitled to this man because you are having an affair with him. And so many people have tried to skirt around the edges and try not to be mean to you. I agree that this man has not stopped calling you because you don't want him to. Until such time as you have had enough...there is nothing we can say or do that will have any effect. Certainly WH and OW can develop a love for each other...but the unfortunate thing is that this love comes at the expense of others who love too...and often the OW is the one who will have to be sacrificed in order for what is right to be done. And some WH have no concept of what is right...so they continue to try and keep OW on the string for as long as possible....that very well may be your problem. <P>See the other side of the situation too though...he is keeping the BS on hold too...neither side can move on with their lives. You might ask yourself the a similar question Why does the WS keep BS holding on while he still is in Contact with OW? If is love...then end it with BS and start a new life. How many do though?<P>You are still welcome here and we understand your pain...but it is a road you took yourself freely...now you will have to take the consequences. Most of us are being drug along for this ride...we never asked for it. <P>Faye<P><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited June 18, 2001).]

Saturn comes back around to show you everything<BR>Let's you choose what you will and will not see and then<BR>Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again<BR>Consume you till you choose to let this go. <BR>Choose to let this go.<P>Aeon Blue<BR>* Saturn "OW or WS" / works both ways.

Your question was answered very well.<P>You didn't like the answer so your leaving to be second best in someone elses life.<P>Oh, well. Perhaps sometime in the future you will UNDERSTAND what we have said. But the heartache will only be SO MUCH more than now.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Humblefish, so you are the other woman and you had an affair with a married man, and you want us to know that there were real, honest feelings involved.<P>I can understand that and even empathize with it. But you seem to me to live in a land where loyalty, trust and promises are null and void if someone no longer feels like following them. In every other realm of human existence, that kind of reasoning is called betrayal, and in some cases, it's even criminal behavior.<P>Have you any idea of what pain, suffering, misery, and agony your love for this MM put his family through? If I were to take a hammer and beat the living daylights out of some innocent person, and then said I did it because that person had made someone I loved deeply unhappy, would it make any difference in court? I don't think so, and yet, that is exactly what your affair did to the family of your MM and what your continued love for him continues to do to them. Unfortunately there are no visible mark, nothing a doctor can document and so we don't see it as evil as it is, but it is assault no matter how you look at it.<P>And why would you still believe in marriage. I mean what does marriage mean if the promises of life long commitment and fidelity can be nullified by falling in love with someone else.<P>I can just imagine applying for a mortgage tying to use your reasoning, "Yes, bank officer, I promise to pay back the loan as long as I feel like it, but if I no longer feel like it, then the deal is off."<P>I'm sorry, I can empathize with the emotional pain you must be going through, I can understand how lonely we humans can get and when our spouse won't meet those needs it is a great temptation to look elsewhere. I do feel for you, but I can't buy your illogical, irrational, and completely self-centered argument that somehow breaking promises, betrayal, and causing untold suffering to people you don't even know is somehow ok because you have these honest feelings. That's crap and you know it down inside, because if you didn't you wouldn't be so pissed off at everyone here for telling you the truth.<P>Ish

HumbleFish, I think folks honestly were trying to help you. How can anyone answer your question? How can we read the minds of people we don't even know. Maybe if you had given us the name and phone number of your MM, perhaps we could have called him and asked him directly!!<BR>Clearly the man has feelings for you and you for him, and that is why this is so difficult for you and probably why he contacted you! It is hard to let go when it felt so right! Is that what you want to hear? Fine - you heard it!

HumbleFish,<BR>I feel your pain. I too am the OW to a MM. I've been in love with him for several years. People are too quick to judge. They don't always understand the circumstances. Things are not always black and white. I've finally accepted the fact that we can't be together, but the withdrawal stage is so damn hard, because I do love him. I've decide to get some therapy to help me. I hope you find a solution as well.

<B>nuts</B> is right, HF.<P>Please find someone you can talk with, it will make a world of difference for your healing and can give you someone of flesh and bones to call when you feel weak.<P>I didn't read what you wrote, but I remember when you first came you were -- um -- well -- you'd had a few to drink, remember? <P>Hope you are okay!!!!!<P>

Well apperantly SOMEONE recanted their story as when I went to read Humblefish's post it was edited with nothing there. Either the Harley's thought better of letting a post with the amount of discord that is echoed with subsequent posts or Humblefish's toes got stepped on. <BR>Sometimes the truth hurts, that doesnt make it any less true.<P>I recall HF blasting those who know where their hope lies and then admitted to writing in a drunken stupor.<BR>Well HF, sober up. You cant expect people to indulge your selfish whims. You are always most welcome here as long as you know we are not the enemy. You are your own worst enemy.

Well I missed this posts but I have read afew other and IMO some people only come to this board to cause trouble. A single OW comes here (obviously not to save a marriage whcih is the purpose of this board) to talk about "How badly she wants to end the affair". Of course while using this veil she gets to talk about how much her MM loves her, how he doesn't love his wife, how he won't stop calling etc. I also recall a post talking about how much better off children are in the long run when parents get divorced and of course the one bashing people who talk about God in their posts (on a site based on Christian principles). Wolf in sheep's clothing.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fairydust:<BR><B>...the one bashing people who talk about God in their posts (on a site based on Christian principles). </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Every few months this topic seems to come up...Marriage Builders is <B>not</B> a "Christian site." Yes, the Harleys are Christian. Yes, the principles are in synch with Christian teachings, but this is not a site for Christians only. <P>As I recall, Fish's post was not friendly, but lets get our story straight and realize that even us Pagans are welcome here.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wolf in sheep's clothing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>And I believe that we should be forgiving our sister not just seven times, but seventy time seven...<P>Blessings from a grumpy HBC<BR>

HBC,<P>Nice to see it happens to you sometimes, too... the grumps, I mean. <P>What HBC says is definitely true. People of all faiths or no faith may post here and find support, provided they are truly looking for support and not justification.<P>I don't care if HumbleFish practices voodoo in her basement, or if she has washed the feet of Jesus Himself, many of her posts have been salt in the open wounds of the betrayed here, and her most recent ones have bashed us for not providing support in the manner in which she wants - to acknowledge that there must be "love" if the MM doesn't listen to her when she breaks up with him.<P>HF, if you are still reading, remember what an affair boils down to: an unhealthy addiction to an illicit substance. Removing the addict from the substance has been proven time and time again to be the ONLY way that the addict may recover, and even after long periods of separation from the substance, the dangers are very real that the addict can easily fall prey to the substance.<P>YOU are that substance in this case. And HE is that substance for you. He belongs to someone else. Say goodbye and stick to it. It's the only way you will ever feel normal again.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>washed the feet of Jesus Himself<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>LOL<BR>Again, thanks for bringing some laughter my way Terri. With your post to PaintBox you stated. "You go girl" had a laugh or two about that as well.<P>I'm still laughing <P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

[QUOTE]Originally posted by HurtButCoping:<BR><B> Every few months this topic seems to come up...Marriage Builders is [b]not</B> a "Christian site." Yes, the Harleys are Christian. Yes, the principles are in synch with Christian teachings, but this is not a site for Christians only.>>>> <P>Of course everyone is welcome, that is NOT what I am saying! What I am saying is that since the MB doctrine is Christianity based it is going to attract a lot of people with Christian beliefs. Anyone exressing those beliefs would not expect to be bashed for expressing them on a site like this, nor should they. I for one don't buy HF "poor pitiful me" routine. I've heard that one before, let's see... Oh yeah, From my H's exOW! Right before she told me how happy she was that I was in pain. Some people only come here to rub salt in our wounds.

OK why are you letting this thread have negative power. She deleteded it and it is still getting responses??? Turn the other cheek!! In all i bet she is reading the posts and seeing what a stir she caused!!<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love