Does anyone know the definition of bi-polar?<P>Or how difficult is itto have a psyachric evaluation done against someones will?<P>I think I can have one ordered through the courts in a divorce?<P>I've thinking about filing all day. I'm so tired of her attitude. Seh actually said to her father, I think mom needs a boyfriend, like that justifies her behavior, and its ok for every W to have a boyfriend. <P>I also keep having visions of hunting him down and seriously do some bad things to him. Then, because he has hurt my family,I want to do bad things to his brother. <P>I think the only way I can get past hurting someone is to file, Then it seems like everything will be ok.<P>I don't want her, I can't stand to look at her, I have not respect for her, and don't like who she has become. <P>Her parents are also woried about her, Duh! I've been screaming at them since January. <P>

Look here....all the most common disorders listed and explained.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.mentalhealth.com/fr20.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.mentalhealth.com/fr20.html</A>

JK,<P>All I can say is I've been where you are, I periodically get totally fed up, but I look at my innocent children that don't understand any of this, and I ask myself what they would want.<P>Yes it would be hard to reconcile, it would be hard to trust her again, I look at her and see someone totally different, someone that doesn't seem to care one bit about anything but her own selfish needs.<P>I sometimes can't even imagine reconciling. I can't imagine her snapping out of this ridiculous state. I can't imagine her being "normal" again, and loving me.<P>I've got more but I'm on the phone...<P>Anyway, I just know that if my wife "suddenly" did a 180, I would feel different. Would it work for sure? No, but I'd try. The longer it goes on for, the less likely it would work....that is how I feel.<P>I share your frustration, but you've got to dig deep and stay as calm as possible. These people are aliens...they don't know what they are doing. They have no logic, and operate completely based on the fantasies they are in. It is sad, but it happens.<P>I hope you hang in there with the rest of us. It isn't called the rollercoaster for nothing.<P>In cases where you feel you can't do it anymore, I'd set a time limit for Plan A, and do your best, but then switch to Plan B. But Plan A has to be good.<P>I have thought of filing many times, checking off the adultery box, feeling that I'd get some revenge. But I know that isn't my best course yet.<P>Take care.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited June 19, 2001).]

Rick,<P>its been what, 8 months for you? When do you plan B? I feel like I'm ready now, but I know i've got more nice guy BS to do. I feel like I'm play acting when I talk to her because I can't express my true feelings. <P>Hea, have you dated? Somehow I feel that will help, peticularlly if I lie about it, like I have something on her. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>JK,<P>All I can say is I've been where you are, I periodically get totally fed up, but I look at my innocent children that don't understand any of this, and I ask myself what they would want.<P>Yes it would be hard to reconcile, it would be hard to trust her again, I look at her and see someone totally different, someone that doesn't seem to care one bit about anything but her own selfish needs.<P>I sometimes can't even imagine reconciling. I can't imagine her snapping out of this ridiculous state. I can't imagine her being "normal" again, and loving me.<P>I've got more but I'm on the phone...<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

JK....I updated my post above after my phone call.<P>For me, my wife told me she was thinking of leaving last June 1. So been over a year. I didn't discover the OM right away, knew he was friend, but was too gullible. Knew for sure in August.<P>Plan A is extremely hard. It takes everything you have inside to not lose it.<P>I have not dated, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. But when I really think about it, I believe it would just complicate things. I try and maintain the focus, and when I know that my marriage is over, then I can date. Will I last that long, that is yet another question. But I'm trying. However, this is lonely and unfulfilling. It is tempting. I just figure it will only end up hurting someone else, so I avoid it.<P>Playing the "I'm dating someone" game is generally not recommended. I think it is more important to stay the course, and maintain that you are committed to the marriage. The truth always comes out, so making things up will eventually come back at you (just my thoughts).<P>Make no mistake that it would be a temporary help to feel good dating someone, but where do you go with it? You can't focus on fighting for your marriage while doing that, and it is just too easy to get caught up in something too deep. I want to be able to look back and say I did my best to try and save my marriage. If I date, then I don't think I'll be able to say that. It has worked so far....who knows how long it will....but so far so good.<P>

Rick, I agree, but I not talking abou tgetting emotionally envolved, I talking about hanging out and maybe some casual sex, if that what it leads to.<P>So, when do you paln B, I personally can't imangine paln A for a year, i can tell you I'll never make it. I also belive somewhat that this is in gods hands now, so maybe it dos'nt matter what I do.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>JK....I updated my post above after my phone call.<P>For me, my wife told me she was thinking of leaving last June 1. So been over a year. I didn't discover the OM right away, knew he was friend, but was too gullible. Knew for sure in August.<P>Plan A is extremely hard. It takes everything you have inside to not lose it.<P>I have not dated, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. But when I really think about it, I believe it would just complicate things. I try and maintain the focus, and when I know that my marriage is over, then I can date. Will I last that long, that is yet another question. But I'm trying. However, this is lonely and unfulfilling. It is tempting. I just figure it will only end up hurting someone else, so I avoid it.<P>Playing the "I'm dating someone" game is generally not recommended. I think it is more important to stay the course, and maintain that you are committed to the marriage. The truth always comes out, so making things up will eventually come back at you (just my thoughts).<P>Make no mistake that it would be a temporary help to feel good dating someone, but where do you go with it? You can't focus on fighting for your marriage while doing that, and it is just too easy to get caught up in something too deep. I want to be able to look back and say I did my best to try and save my marriage. If I date, then I don't think I'll be able to say that. It has worked so far....who knows how long it will....but so far so good.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

JK;<P>First of all, I have been diagnosed as bi-polar. Basically, bi-polar syndrome is where the person goes in emotional cycles...some days they are in a good mood and seem to be handling the world OK, completely coherent and logical and other days they are completely off the wall, littel things make them mad, they fly off the handle, totally beyond logic. This is what sent me to a hospital for several days earlier in the year...<P>Some people have cycles that are huge...I had a relationship with a woman who would be in control for a few days and then totally binge put for a week on drugs and alcohol....she wrecked her car, hurt herself...<P>My W tells me that my cycles have slowed down a lot since I started taking my Depakote and Wellbutrin...<P>I don't really know the 'technical' definition, but I hope this helps.