I have been through so much pain I am wondering if I should just let go of everything. After much pondering yesterday, I told my WS that I only want to be friends right now(and meant it).I still hope for a future with him. <BR> <BR> He was relieved, I think, and said to me "That's fair"in our short telephone conversation.<BR>It seems to me that if H and I got together tomorrow, we would have the same problems. I'm thinking we need some time as friends only to get to know each other in a new way.<BR>We need to create a new relationship.We also need to get to know ourselves more.<BR>I have my plan B letter ready if this gets too difficult.<P>How do you think this fits in with MB principals? I'm thinking of the saying-<P>If you love something, set it free, if it returns, it is yours. If it does not, it never was.

Maezy - I understand exactly what you are saying, Although I desperately want my husband back, I feel that if I love him that much I should be able to set him free too. I also think that losing him as a friend would be so much harder to bear than losing him as a husband...<P>I also believe that if he is to regain love for me again, then it must start as a friendship - so that is what I'm working on at the moment, to be a good, compassionate, loving friend to him. After all - most of the OW stories we hear have them starting out as 'friends' and then falling 'in love' - so if the OW can do it, so can we!<P>Best of luck, <BR>Paint.

I think it fits perfect with the MB principles. I believe that is what Plan B is all about.<P>My H and I had a very short Plan A - about 4 weeks. Never had to go to Plan B thank goodness. When we started discussing whether or not to stay together, one of the first things I told him was that if wanted to leave he was free to go. I would not protest. If he stayed we had to rework our entire relationship. But the decision was totally his to make. In essence I set him free. His response was that he wanted to stay.<P>I feel much stronger about our recovery because I know he stayed because he wanted to, not because I used guilt or nay other trip on him.<P>So yes, let him go. And if HE is lucky, he will come back to you.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Paintbox<BR> I think I will learn more about his business as that's what OW and he had in common in the first place.My H loves to talk business and has a hard time talking about anything else, especially if it's personal. If I can get him talking about anything I think it's a good thing.<P>zorweb<BR>Unfortuneately my H already lives with OW. I have been trying to plan A to a point where he's feeling pressured, I'm sure, about coming home.It is encouraging that you had the same perspective about reworking the relationship. I've shown my H that I love him through plan A, now I'm going to ease up on the "loving" and go to being friends.

<BR>Interesting that you all should be talking about this...here's a portion of the letter I wrote to H tonight about his leaving...<P><I>I hope that while you are away from us that you find the answers to which you are seeking. With all the trials that have occurred in my life, I have always been able to find hope. I desire for you to find y our hope. I have loved you with all my heart and soul…but I have done many lovebusters over the years and know that your love for me has been close to depleted. My greatest wish is that you allow me to have a chance to redeem myself and restore our love and rebuild our marriage, our family. I desire to keep our covenant and vows we made before God. For better or worse….I meant them then and I mean them now.<P>You keep talking that you don’t want to rebuild trust with me. I wonder how much you really need to rebuild trust with yourself and God. How much does my trust in you matter? In spite of what has occurred, I know YOU. This person I have been living with the last 6 months is not the man I married--that man I trust and will always trust. I know that when you walk and talk with God again, you will find him. My husband. My lover. My best friend. Our marriage journey has taken a detour, but I will not advocate or seek a divorce until you have finished your journey of finding yourself and making yourself right with God again. Remember that NO SIN is too great to be forgiven. And, if Jesus died to forgive our sins—How could I not forgive you? It just takes a willing heart. If you could have a willing heart—how could I not?<P>I would first like to renew our friendship—to rediscover who each of us is and what we want for the future. </I><P>Here's to setting them free!<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

strongerincalif<P>I don't know if you want your letter critiqued or not. It sounds like alot of the letters I wrote to my H and didn't send. I thought it had too much guilt in it and H would just turn off when reading it.<P>I do like the part about being friends!<BR>