My W and I were scheduled to have our second counseling session yesterday at 1:00. I called her at 11:30 to see if she was still going. She said, "oh my gosh I thought it was tomorrow. I still have to shower and then go deposit a check into her friend's bank on the other side of town so I won't be able to make it." I said in kind of a snotty voice , "fine. But can't you take the check over after counseling?" She then got kind of pissy and said, "I'm not getting in argument about this."<P>So I went to counseling by myself. It was actually a good session. I updated the counselor about our situation. I told her that in my opinion my W is sitting on the fence and will probably not make up her mind until contact with OM has ceased. <P>At the end of the session, I made an appointment for next week. When I got back to work, I called my W and told her that I scheduled the next session for Tuesday - IF she wants to go. She told me she was very sorry that she couldn't go and asked if I was angry. I told her that I wasn't. She said that I sounded like it. I told her I was just frustrated.<P>Then last night she called me again to apologize for not going. She said that she wasn't trying to blow me off or anything - just that she has a lot of things going right now. She said she was sorry for getting angry with me when I tried to make a suggestion. She asked if I would please call her the night before counseling next week to remind her.<P>I suspect OM might be in town, which is why she didn't go to counseling. I'm probably being paranoid - I know.<P>What am I to believe? My W has not actually told me that she is ready to commit to the marriage - just that she is considering it.<P>S&C

sadandconfused<P>Sorry about your W.My H will not go to counselling at all. I don't know if it would have any effect when they're still involved with OP anyway.<P>The fact that she is considering the counselling shows she cares.<P>In my H case I think I have no hope of pulling him out of the A and have no choice but to wait for it to run it's course and be there when it ends.<P>Hang in there! Sounds like your relationship has real hope!

I think you just have to accept her excuse for now - at least she wants to come with you next time. Make sure you keep reminding her next week.<P>You're doing great!<BR>Paint.

Actually, my W went to the first counseling session last week. <P>I guess one of the things that I am very unsure of these days is that she is beng very nice to me (for the most part) and yet hasn't said that she is ready to commit to marriage. I think when I go pick the kids up tonight, I'm going to tell her that I am sorry for seeming angry, and that I know that she has not committed yet to this marriage so I have no right being frustrated with her not going to counseling. I want to see what her reaction is. I am also going to ask her if she would like to go swimming with me and the kids tonight.<P>What do you think?<P>S&C<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited June 20, 2001).]

s&c<P>Remember---two steps forward, one step back...<P>Take it a day at a time... <P>E

She is willing and she is communicating. If your a doing Plan A, I would let this one go. If it becomes a pattern then you will have the answer you need without having to committ any LBs.

boy are you right about two steps forward, one step back. I have also used that same analogy for others at these boards. Sometimes we need to remember our own advice. I need to take this one day at a time. She is definitely showing signs of coming out of the fog - I need to be patient and not read too much into things I guess.<P>As for Plan A-ing. I am Plan A-ing my a$% off. I gave her money for new tires last week. Helped her build a shed over the weekend. I even just called her just now to see if she would like to go swimming tonight with me and the kids. She declined but thanked me for the offer.<P>thnx for the feedback<BR>S&C