Hi everyone,<P>I won't go into the long, drawn out details of my story, W and I have been having problems since November. Since then my W became in a EA, possible PA. I confronted her about it almost 2 months ago. I was calm and composed. I didn't get angry or break down crying. I told her some of what I know, and of course she insisted they were just friends, denied everything. She kept bringing it for a few days, but I told her I won't discuss it if she's not going to tell me the truth. A couple of weeks later she found out how I knew. She didn't mention it to me for 3 days, probably because she needed to come up with a story, which she did. All a bunch of crap. She still doesn't know everything that I know, and there is one piece of info that I could offer as irrefutable proof, but I'm saving that until after we get divorced (for reasons I don't care to share). I can offer up every bit of proof I have, but what difference would it make. It doesn't change what we both already know and she'll only deny it. <P>Anyways, about 6 weeks ago she asked me for a divorce. I told her I love her and that I would rather work on our problems. She said she's not in love with me, there's no trust in our marriage and she wants a divorce. She hasn't brought up divorce since. We are getting along fine, but not talking about the "things". She's been spending quite a few nights sleeping on the couch and the last few times I've kissed her she kind of turns her mouth so I can't kiss her square on the lips. <P>Are these typical reactions to guilt, or just her disgust with me? To WS's (or BS's who may know), what thoughts were going through your head at this time and what were you feeling? As I said earlier, this whole time I've remained very calm, composed, level headed (a big change for me).<BR>I think this may be causing my W to wonder if I care, or if I have "something up my sleeve". Any thoughts???? <P><BR>sad dad<BR>

Sad Dad,<P>I'm an (xWS). "Hard to be a WS when your in Recovery "<P>Sounds like the standard (WS) script to the T.<BR>I asked my wife for a divorce. Told her I wasn't in love with her anymore. I told her I didn't trust her as well.<P>Read and post, my story is spread throughout a lot of posts, but theres a few of us WS's out there. SKM, Clarity? Myself, and many otheres I'm sure.<P>Some of my story is located in "Keep the faith" thread. Read, Read, Read. If you want to see that majority of posts I've made. I cut and pasted them all in one thread. "Diary of a Madman (WS) - Long" This is a lot of text.. But it's about a 100 of my posts / replies. Explaining what I did in my scenario. If you have time, and patience dive through them, it may help answer some questions. Eventually I would love to clean it up, and perhaps make it a more presentable thread to look at.<P>---<BR>Have you read "Surviving an Affair?" also Check out "His needs her needs"<BR>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 20, 2001).]

[H],<P>Thanks for your reply. I have started reading "His needs, Her needs". I've read "Love Must Be Tough" by J Dobson.<BR>I've got a couple more I haven't started. <P>My wife won't admit to anything, even though I heard her tell him she fell in love with him. This was almost 2 months ago. I have no idea where they stand now. I think my W is affraid that if she admits it, then the A will become the "problem", but its not, it's a result of our problems. <BR>I don't know how to proceed from here. I tempted to tell her if you want a divorce, go ahead and file, but that's not what I want.<P>sad dad <BR>

Bumping so you don't get buried.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

sad dad:<P>Do you think there's any chance she'd listen to the concepts of MBs? I'm in a bad spot with my W (see "Well, What Do You do When THIS Happens?" but I feel like your situation has not progressed as far. If I could go back a few months and introduce my W to the concepts when she would actually still listen to me, I could perhaps be better off now...<P>Good luck... and remember to take care of yourself...<P>f_n

My W came back from saying at her sister's for a few days. She was watching our nephew while BIL/SIL were on vacation.<BR>While she was there, I gave her a letter basically accepting my responsibility for our problems, acknowledging how much I hurt her and apologizing to her. It was more an exercise for me to "cleans my soul".<P>W appreciated it, but insists on a divorce. Doesn't believe there's anything we can do and doesn't want to try. W wants me to help her proceed with divorce. I'm not going to contest it, but I will not help her intiate it because it's not what I want and it goes against everything I believe.<BR>She'll have to do all the work. We're still living together. I may ask her to take our daughter and go stay with her parents for awhile. If we got divorced, that's probably what she would have to do for the short term anyway. Maybe it will give her a taste of reality. I moved out for a month in April (at her request). It was horrible.<P>sad dad<BR> <BR>

Can she move out and your daughter stay with you? It's her choice after all. You sound like you've given in to her and her wishes, what about what YOU want? <P>If your marriage is what you truly want, then WORK at it!! Stay on MB, post, post, and post! Do plan A, plan B, etc. until you either get her back or make a better you! But above all, don't give in to her, then SHE wins.<P>If you do what you want and make a better YOU, then you come out on top - either way.<P>It's hard. Giving in,letting her have what she wants, and feeling horrible about it is the easy way out. It doesn't have to be that way, you are in control from this moment on - don't ever forget that.<BR>

hurtbyhubby,<P>Thanks for your reply. Regarding our daughter, as much as I love her, I think it would tear her apart to be away from her mother. Don't get me wrong, she loves her Daddy very much, but my W is her world.<P>My W continues to deny EA, I don't even think she knows what an EA is. How do I plan A if she won't admit to it?<BR>I have an article I printed from <A HREF="http://www.realtionship-institute.com" TARGET=_blank>www.realtionship-institute.com</A> about EA's. It is exactly what happened.<BR>Maybe I should show it to her, but it won't change anything.<P>sad dad<P><BR>