H had an EA (to the best of my knowledge)6 months ago with a Coworkers wife. Since i found out it died a natural death shortly afterwards.<BR>Since Dday I have a hard time getting over this. mainly because H wont admit it for what it was "they were just friends" and whenever i broach the subject he gets defensive and screams and hollers at me to drop it. <BR>about a week ago H went out with a different friend for the day. He did not come home that night nor did he call . He also changed all his Passwords. The next morning i had a funeral to go to when i got home there was about 15 messages from H on the answering machine. I did not cal lhim back. But ther next time he called i answered the phone. I asked him why he left me. his reply was he didnt leave me he just needed time to think. i asked him about what , he said he was trying to learn how to be a better husband and father.... then said he was on his was home. I told him that if he came home there was going to be some dramatic changes made by him. the short tempers, neglect and amosity was going to stop. So he came home. things were well for a few days. then he gets an IM from the different friends wife (this is not the OW) saying.....i think you need some excitement, he calls her brat and she calls him Bltch. i told him that i didnt appreciate the way the way they were talking to eachother and that i felt threatened i asked him to please ask her to stop making comments like that. He refused saying im jealous of everyone and they were just friends and he was his friends wife..( wow de ja vu) anyhow he gets on all the defensive again and started treating me the same way he did before he left. so much for wantig to work on the marriage and be a beter husband. i give as much as i can right now in this marriage and H doesnt see it his thoughts are what about me ME ME ME. <BR>so now he is on the phone with same friend and asked him to come get him. for the day or what i do not know im getting the silent treatment again. I told H that if he left with friend not to come back. told him that if he came back i would call cops and have him arrested for trespassing...... he seems intent on leaving . Is this the end?..... its a lose lose situation any help appreciated <BR>thank you everyone<BR>Love, LUV<p>[This message has been edited by LuvOnTheRox (edited June 20, 2001).]

Have you talked about marriage counseling with your H? Your H sounds like the typical WS, putting all the blame on you for his actions. He is deep in a fog about his actions in this. The only way that this is going to work is for him to have NO CONTACT w/OW.

H is the type of guy who refuses counciling...... he dont do shrinks end quote.<BR>I do not believe he has contact with OW in about 6months<BR>however he is depressed because he misses her... or rather the companionship he says. not that i havent been available for this but H dont seem to want it from me.<BR>Anyone here ever experience a Ws in a delayed fog?

Bumping you up a bit. <BR>Stay strong, hang in there LuvOnTheRox.<BR>Er... A post by the WS? <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009798.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009798.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 20, 2001).]

[H]<BR>thanks for the bump youre a true gentleman

It's great you both are willing to work on the marriage. I was a little confused at first, as I thought you made the other post as well. I guess that was your H. Perhaps some common ground you can work from here. Suggest you both read "His needs her needs" and read "surviving an affair" that may help point you both in a healthy direction.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Okay, so you're both here -- THAT'S GOOD!<P>It's always wonderful to get the "other side" of stories...<P>Do you know what his emotional needs are? Are you meeting those needs? Have you begun a Plan A effort? Have you been properly welcomed here???<P>Here's a copy of one of our welcome messages:<P>~~~~~~~<P>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>About your post</B> - yes, you are right, this IM'ing sounds suspicious, and is definately not appropriate for your H.<P>He is here, at MB, direct him (as I did too) to the POJA to determine what your next course of action should be.<P>Look for posts from Knewji (spelling??) and [H], who are married and both posting here...<P>Best wishes.. you are in the right place!! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

OK let me try to answer these questions for you all<BR>first off i would like to say Im a long time poster found MB day after DDay i change names because the OW like to mess with me here so im hoping she will lose track of me. but those who know me well wil lfigure out who i am by the way itype<BR>ok now to the questions<BR> since DDay i have been trying to get H to read here with me. however he only seems interested in what im posting and not the articles...... this i have come to deal with. <BR>his post today comes from his indicision on if he wants to stay married and try to work things out or to move on.<BR>this is in the light of me being upset about his IMs with friends wife. <BR>dont think that this is the only thing this is just the straw that broke the camels back i guess.<BR>Since Dday i have tried to plan A to the max and i was actually doing well for a while til i couldnt stand the way i could ask H a question and he would jump all over me for "bothering him" after that i did a plan A/B combo which was basically figure out what kind of mood hes in today and go from there. <BR>Finally after his outburts drove me over the edge i stopped plan Aing or Bing andjust stuck it out for the duration<BR>after a few weeks of this is when he pulled the stunt of not coming home. <BR> I try my hardest but i can not plan A and get rebuffed it hurts my esteeem which is already low enough and today sent me to he11 by reading his post.<P>As for trying to meet his needs.......<BR>his main needs being affection and companionship.<BR>the affection part i have some difficulty with..... my H has the annoying habit of grabbing my Butt or Breast at any given moment in front of family or wherever the need takes him...... i am afraid that i give him a spontanious hug or something he wil lgrab me....... it really gets annoying to me and i have told him how i felt especially in front of family but he dont seem to get it.<BR>as for the companionship........i honestly dont think he wants it from me...... when he came back from his all nighter i spent as much time with him as possible about 13 hours of the day give or take and i basically sat there and watched him play computer games....i said a few times do you want to do something together?.......his reply was later.. but later never came..... how do i fight a computer? id like to just throw his out the window but if i do that than these are the least of our problems<P>ok what is POJA or whatever it is?<P>and as for following [H] and Knews post?<BR>well im a faithful and envious reader of their reconciliation <P><BR>thanks all for letting me talk here to all of you ..you are wonderful and I appreciate it<BR>Love.<BR>LUV<P>

Everywhere where there is a red underlined phrase, it is a link... so read about the POJA here --> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A><BR>

LoveOntheRox,<P>Please look at LoveOntheRox2's thread. I posted there for the two of you.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Wowo those ere somepretty harsh post in My H's thread<BR>let me just say that he did change jobs by my request. <BR>also for those who dont know we have a 1 y/o daughter and a baby on the way.<BR>and to the best of my knowledge there has been no contact with the OW<BR>Also i think that a friend of his is encouraging him to leave (i dont like this friend he a slimey weasel) and i asked last night to ask friend to give us a week alone to work on US...... H seemed upset by this but didnt say anything<P>Also H does online gaming (Mech4) thisis what keeps him from my this is like a video game anyhoo last night i told H that i wanted sex.........i was very blunt. he gave me thi dumb look like cant you seem im playing a game?... needless to say i did the job myself....... and that made me see how truely pathetic i am<BR>but H is still here (for now he says) i really hope hes staying to work on us <BR>

needing the bump <BR>where is [H] when you really need him?

Bumping you up again...Hugs to you,<P>Sounds to me like your H is in major fogland right about now. I hope all goes well with you, hang in there, we're all here for you. Your patience and understanding are to be commended.<P>Cyn

Uh I'm here :P Whats up?<BR>Sorry been busy, will get back to you in a little bit I hope.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 21, 2001).]

[H]<BR>just was lookin for ya to bump me again<BR>wish my H thought more like you Knew is a lucky lady

Just a small update<BR>since H made his post here he hasnt been back to look for replies. not that he didnt have the time he was online all day yesterday.<BR>he just made no effort to come here.<BR>and i might add he refused to ask friend for a break and refuses to tell "brat" that i didnt like the pet names.<P>One day he wants to work on it the next day he doesnt how can we win like this?

<B><BR>He also changed all his Passwords. <BR></B><P>As I came home, and I knew something was up. "I was getting the feeling that (she knew what was going on)" So I changed all my passwords. So she wouldn't be able to find out the truth. Lying to save my own [censored]. Hiding every email, every contact I had. Why change the passwords, one has to wonder. What is he hiding? "No matter what excuse is told" theres a motive there it's called "Hide the truth".<P><B><BR>H wont admit it for what it was "they were just friends"<BR></B><P>Not just friends unfortunately. Typical script stuff. Wouldn't surprise me if more was going on right now. I too stuck with the "We're just friends" line well after my affair was underway and had evolved to a PA as most do.<P><B><BR>gets defensive and screams and hollers at me to drop it.<BR></B><P>Defensive? For what reason? I did a lot of defending in my day also. I defended (ow) a lot during my (A). One has to wonder what he's defending? Is it because he feels guilty? Or is it because he's continuing to stick with that (WS) script.<P><B><BR>H had an EA (to the best of my knowledge)<BR></B><P>Interesting, you don't sound to sure of this. What piece of the puzzle makes you want to say (to the best of my knowledge). Suspect more is going on, then he's leading you to believe? <P>Personally, the story I see here. Here's my thoughts. "He's still having an affair, it's changed and evolved in to a (PA). He's hiding anything and everything from you now. Pretending you'll never know. Changing passwords, Defending (ow) and himself. Pretending nothing is going on. Doesn't really care. (Playing Mech4) While your marriage is struggling. <P>Sounds familiar to me. Oh right.. Thats part of my story...<BR>I did those things in the beginning.<P><B><BR>He did not come home that night nor did he call.<BR></B><P>Another interesting point. I'm gonna have to say, I know where he was that night. His guilt is written all over his face, and in the words he says.<P><B><BR>he just needed time to think.<BR></B><P>Did a lot of thinking, and other things during my (A). Cover up story, confusion, lies, fear, guilt, and continued affair.<P><B><BR>He refused saying im jealous of everyone and they were just friends and he was his friends wife..( wow de ja vu) anyhow he gets on all the defensive again and started treating me the same way he did before he left.<BR></B><P>Refused? ouch... He might as well have said. "I'll do whatever I like to hurt you.". There's that defensiveness again. Let me tell you a little secret. I'm not defensive about talking with my wife on any subject. She wants to know something. I tell her what it is she wants to know. It's simple. I don't defend my actions or words at the time. I just give my perspective on what I was doing, and for what reason.<P><B><BR>H is the type of guy who refuses counciling...... he dont do shrinks end quote.<BR></B><P>For me I understand that. This is because everytime I've been to a counselor in the past. Something negative has happened. (Family Problems) and as a result of this. I grew up with "Negtive feelings associated towards counselors". Same with hospitals. I dislike them. "Again something tramatic or difficult always happened in the past at these places." However. There is a time when that becomes less of an issue. As I'm willing to see anyone whether its counselor, coach, pastor etc. I just want to work on my marriage. So I've put aside whatever differences I've had with this people in the past, and working on the future now.<P><B><BR>Anyone here ever experience a Ws in a delayed fog?<BR></B><P>Delayed fog? My feeling on this is, it's never delayed. It's a mechanism of the affair.<P><B><BR>i told H that i wanted sex.........<BR></B><P>He refused sex? (blinks and re-reads) I don't understand that... (blinks again). Strange behavior, This from a guy who does:<BR><B><BR>my H has the annoying habit of grabbing my Butt or Breast at any given moment in front of family or wherever the need takes him...... i am afraid that i give him a spontanious hug or something he wil lgrab me.......<BR></B><P>Hmm...<P><B><BR>when he came back from his all nighter i spent as much time with him as possible about 13 hours of the day give or take and i basically sat there and watched him play computer games....i said a few times do you want to do something together?.......his reply was later.. but later never came.....<BR></B><P>Avoidance. Yep, spent a lot of time doing that too. Avoiding my wife with games on my computer. Going out with friends, ect. I figured I didn't have to look at her face, since mine was shining with guilt, lies, and a continued affair.<P>Somehow I get the feeling a lot more is going on here. Way to many things are clicking with me. A time where I was still involved in my (A). Just my opinion...<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by [H]:<BR><B>[b]<BR>He also changed all his Passwords. <BR></B><BR>when h called the next day i asked him why he changed is PWs he said that he was trying to log in and couldnt because i was logged into his account <BR>he also gave me his new passwords right away<BR>i check all of his emails daily cause OW has this habbit of emailing him<P><B><BR>H wont admit it for what it was "they were just friends"<P><BR>Not just friends unfortunately. Typical script stuff. Wouldn't surprise me if more was going on right now. I too stuck with the "We're just friends" line well after my affair was underway and had evolved to a PA as most do.<BR></B>i dont think he is still in contact with her<BR>he is always home or with my uncle (notice i didnt say working)<BR>and besides the other night i knew his whereabouts all the time (now you got me thinkin)<P><BR><B><BR>gets defensive and screams and hollers at me to drop it.<P><BR>Defensive? For what reason? I did a lot of defending in my day also. I defended (ow) a lot during my (A). One has to wonder what he's defending? Is it because he feels guilty? Or is it because he's continuing to stick with that (WS) script.<BR></B> i dunno<BR><B><BR>H had an EA (to the best of my knowledge)<P><BR>Interesting, you don't sound to sure of this. What piece of the puzzle makes you want to say (to the best of my knowledge). Suspect more is going on, then he's leading you to believe? </B><BR>he slept at her house once on the couch of course<BR>also his confidant at the time (also an aquaintence of mine) told me that neither one of them said they had sex and being as this guy was H's "helpmate" durig all this i tend to believe him but the wondering will always be there<P><B>He's still having an affair, it's changed and evolved in to a (PA). He's hiding anything and everything from you now. Pretending you'll never know. Changing passwords, Defending (ow) and himself. Pretending nothing is going on. Doesn't really care. (Playing Mech4) While your marriage is struggling. </B><BR>are you trying to give me a heart attack????????<P><B><BR>He did not come home that night nor did he call.<P><BR>Another interesting point. I'm gonna have to say, I know where he was that night. His guilt is written all over his face, and in the words he says</B><BR>i really hope youre wrong on this one<P><B><BR>He refused saying im jealous of everyone and they were just friends and he was his friends wife..( wow de ja vu) anyhow he gets on all the defensive again and started treating me the same way he did before he left.<P><BR>Refused? ouch... He might as well have said. "I'll do whatever I like to hurt you.". There's that defensiveness again. Let me tell you a little secret. I'm not defensive about talking with my wife on any subject. She wants to know something. I tell her what it is she wants to know. It's simple. I don't defend my actions or words at the time. I just give my perspective on what I was doing, and for what reason.</B>brave man lol<BR>i hope my H will one day be like you<P><B><BR>H is the type of guy who refuses counciling...... he dont do shrinks end quote.<P><BR>For me I understand that. I'm willing to see anyone whether its counselor, coach, pastor etc. I just want to work on my marriage. So I've put aside whatever differences I've had with this people in the past, and working on the future now.<BR></B>H doesnt doing do anything unles its for hisself<BR><B><BR>Anyone here ever experience a Ws in a delayed fog?<P><BR>Delayed fog? My feeling on this is, it's never delayed. It's a mechanism of the affair.</B><BR>whats that mean?<BR><B><BR>i told H that i wanted sex.........<P><BR>He refused sex? (blinks and re-reads) I don't understand that... (blinks again). Strange behavior, This from a guy who does:<P>my H has the annoying habit of grabbing my Butt or Breast at any given moment in front of family or wherever the need takes him...... i am afraid that i give him a spontanious hug or something he wil lgrab me.......<BR></B><BR>yeah i know im a moron for staying<P><BR><B><BR>when he came back from his all nighter i spent as much time with him as possible about 13 hours of the day give or take and i basically sat there and watched him play computer games....i said a few times do you want to do something together?.......his reply was later.. but later never came.....<P><BR>Avoidance. Yep, spent a lot of time doing that too. Avoiding my wife with games on my computer. Going out with friends, ect. I figured I didn't have to look at her face, since mine was shining with guilt, lies, and a continued affair.<P>Somehow I get the feeling a lot more is going on here. Way to many things are clicking with me. A time where I was still involved in my (A). Just my opinion...<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hack cough Gag grabs chest.....call 911<P>thanks [H] at least your being honest<BR>congrat to you an knewje btw<P>

<B><BR>when h called the next day i asked him why he changed is PWs he said that he was trying to log in and couldnt because i was logged into his account he also gave me his new passwords right away i check all of his emails daily cause OW has this habbit of emailing him<BR></B><P>So whats to prevent him from having multiple email boxes like I had. I had somewhere around 5 or 6 email boxes in total. Not that i'm implying or trying to give you a heartattack. Just saying, that these are things I did as well. His behavior is right on the money as far as things I did to my wife during my affair, and during the hiding of it.<P><B><BR>i dont think he is still in contact with her<BR>he is always home or with my uncle (notice i didnt say working) and besides the other night i knew his whereabouts all the time (now you got me thinkin)<BR></B><P>So he's got nothing but time on his hands. To do whatever pretty much unsupervised, and has a lot of strange behavior which resembles in my opinion my behavior at the time of hiding, and being in the beginning of the (A) I had. Again not trying to freak you out, or give you a heart attack. Saying please make sure your eyes are open, to see past the lies he might be telling. I used the "Just Friends" line so much it was sickening. After all I was friends with her. My wife knew that.<P><B><BR>are you trying to give me a heart attack????????<BR></B><P>No I'm not. Just pointing out the similarities in stories between you, and reading in to his behavior based off what i've done, and what i've read here at MB.com<P>That being said in all honesty I'm not trying to scare you. Just trying to rationalize his point of view with mine. So looking at what i've done in the past. Comparing it to my own expierence. I know both sides of the story of my own (A) as does my wife. I don't know all the details, but I don't need to know all the details either. I just see his "continued efforts" as more fog. To be more specific a quote from my wife:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>H wants a divorce, OW is just a friend (whatever LIAR!), he doens't love me anymore. Fog I know. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is from one of her posts long ago. She's right on the money here. Except I do, and always loved her. I did tell her I wanted a divorce, glad I never got off my [censored] filling out those papers. However I knew I wouldn't <P>So more or less, I am trying to prepare you. Since he's obviously lying about something still. Hence the defensivness of his words. He's defending his lies. Thats the only way I can see that really. I believe he's defensive as I was because he's still lying about some things. Scared to face the consequences, in the fog, and unsure of his path right now. That makes sense to me.<P>As much as I don't want to alarm you, I get a strong feeling from reading your posts. He's hiding somethings, Lying, and in an affair. This is my opinion, doesn't and wont nessicarily be the same as anyone elses opinion. Just keep in mind. It's very script like "Stuff" coming out of his mouth. I dont know what to say.. This is how i feel about this.<P><B><BR>brave man lol<BR>i hope my H will one day be like you<BR></B><P>It's not difficult at all. I talk with her. She talks with me. I know even if the subject is difficult, she's on my side. She knows the same about me. So it doesn't really matter what subject it is. It's not being brave to me. It's saying, "I've got a problem" can we work together on resolving this, and vice versa. This is where i've gone wrong in the past a lot. I bottled things up. As I come from a family where "Men don't share problems" we simply deal with them on our own. Yes this works sometimes, but not always. Besides, what if it's a problem with my wife? Some action she's taking that bothers me. Am I supposed to bottle that up? How long can I keep doing that. In the end it builds resentment. So my new approach is. However difficult of whatever I have to say might be. I will say it. Share with her my own problems, my own fears, and dislikes. When and if she does something that has a negative reaction on me. We talk about it. She does this with me as well. Because frankly, I want to know if theres a problem so I don't keep upsetting her. I don't have to take this criticism I want to. If it's bothing her, then I will make a change to correct it. It's never an unrealistic request. It's called communication.<P><B><BR>Delayed fog? My feeling on this is, it's never delayed. It's a mechanism of the affair.<P>whats that mean?<BR></B><P>Fog to me. Can only exist during an affair. Or continued affair. It's a mechanism, a piece of the whole. They co-exist together.<P><B><BR>yeah i know im a moron for staying<BR></B><P>Wanting to do whats right isn't stupid. It's not weak, it's not dumb, ETC. Don't try to convince yourself of that. It's not going to work. Don't blame, just work on resolving. Take a look at your faults in the marriage. See how you can strengthen where you be going wrong. See if you can learn, and grow, and change some things for the better of yourself.<P>Let me requote here:<BR><B><BR>i told H that i wanted sex.........<P><BR>He refused sex? (blinks and re-reads) I don't understand that... (blinks again). Strange behavior, This from a guy who does:<P>my H has the annoying habit of grabbing my Butt or Breast at any given moment in front of family or wherever the need takes him...... i am afraid that i give him a spontanious hug or something he wil lgrab me.......<BR>[B]<P>This to me is the single most damaging piece of evidence to me that a physical affair is happening. I don't know all the details as I stated, but physical withdrawl is a common thing during an affair.<P>Did your husband want sex a lot before all of this started happening? Because it sure sounds to me, from the example your giving above here that he was "Pawing" you an aweful lot for someone who just refused it all together. This speaks volumes for me. I felt so guilty about my affair in the beginning, I didn't want contact with my wife. I didn't want her to touch me, and me to touch her. I simply wanted no physical contact with her. This due to guilt on my end. I wouldn't let her kiss me, and I didn't kiss her, and so on.<P>[B]<BR>Hack cough Gag grabs chest.....call 911<BR></B><P>Sorry just giving my perspective again.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Let me also add.<P><B><BR>when h called the next day i asked him why he changed is PWs he said that he was trying to log in and couldnt because i was logged into his account he also gave me his new passwords right away i check all of his emails daily cause OW has this habbit of emailing him<P>So whats to prevent him from having multiple email boxes like I had. I had somewhere around 5 or 6 email boxes in total. Not that i'm implying or trying to give you a heartattack. Just saying, that these are things I did as well. His behavior is right on the money as far as things I did to my wife during my affair, and during the hiding of it.<BR></B><P>I seriously under estimated my wife as far as finding whatever evidence on my computer she had. I left things specifically unsecure at times to (Stick with my story, that I wasn't hiding things. Meanwhile I was hiding them.) So letting her roam around in my main email box was not a problem as I had several "email" boxes she didn't know about, where I was corresponding from. I had a hotmail account ETC. Which she didn't know about, didn't know the password, and so on. So I felt particularly safe that she would in no way find the email box I had setup since she was to busy browsing my "Main Email Box". So the just friends thing stuck for a little bit. She did find other documents I left on my machine I had forgotten about. She also found documents I renamed to cover my tracks yet still keep them.<P>In the end. I left a lot of things slip by. As you tend to do. However she was in full on discovery mode. Questioning everything I said. Wondering everything I did. Exploring every avenue she could. Trying to find truth and reason behind anything suspicious. <P>I'm sure at first she did these things to reassure herself nothing was going on. Later she did these things to reassure herself that she knew exactly what was going on. She couldn't rely on me to tell her the truth. I was well on the path of lying to her. Making up stories here and there. Covering my tracks as best as I could. ETC.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie