Things have been going so good in my marriage that I wanted to share with all of you a little information that worked for me.<P>My one year story of recovery. <P>I was the betrayer in my marriage. I had a long-term affair with a man I met online who just happened to live a close distance from my home. I won't go into the details for I have read them from others so I guess my details would be similar to them. I always loved my husband and I still remain confused about how I let myself get to the affair. I think this guy was in the right place at the right time and played on my weaknesses. I take full responsibility for what I did.<P>Discovery was June 2000. Like skm I wanted to die a quick death for what I did to my husband. It was brutal. Things I never considered came to be seen that day and days since.<P>My affair had been pretty much dead for a long time so I was spared from the so called "fog." It was an easy decision for me to just never contact him again. I did however notify him that I confessed so he could be prepared. He called a few times after that when my husband scared him. (he was "happily" married) At his final call that I think was about 6 weeks after dday I told him we have nothing to discuss anymore so we shouldnt have to talk again. It remains that way. I do think of him from time to time but I realized right away what a waste of time the whole entire dubious lifestyle had been. I wish I had figured that out in the first place before all the damage and pain was caused.<P>Well anyway, after my confession I was scared to death my husband was going to walk out on me or worse leave me. I really still to this day dont know how he contained himself from hitting me. I am an alcoholic and he thought that was the reason our marriage was a mess. Finding out that I was having sex with another man when I was sober put him over the edge.<P>I went into plan A for betrayers right away and by the end of July I had my final DRINK!! A little counseling and the drug Celexa assisted me. I am still sober since July and celexa free since perhaps October/November. My husband of course was in no position to help me at that time. The pain and shock was too much for him. Besides that he harrassed me for every detail nearly daily and that was very difficult. However I also made a decision to win his love back at all costs and if it was now time to finally be honest then that is what I had to do.<P>I used all the emotional needs in order to gain his forgiveness and than regain his love.<P>I can't pinpoint when he started coming around but by Christmas time his pain was slowly easing although we still had difficult times. If there is a HELL, we were there for a long time. It has only been recently that I believe we have returned to intimacy. The change has been dramatic. It took him a while to rectify the role my drinking had in this, if indeed he has.<P>When I made the committment to save my marriage on my own back then I wrote him letter after letter telling him my intentions. Today I go back and read them and I kept every word I wrote. I wrote them not knowing where I would be today.<P>So basically we are happy, we are friends and lovers again, the resentment has lifted. We talk all the time, we have started new hobbies, even our children are better behaved since Mom has given up the drink and is honest again.<P>He is the best. I don't know why he stayed other than he loved me.<P>I hope you repentant spouses find some hope in my message. I met all his needs every day. Even when he looked at me in disdain and discust I somehow managed to pull myself together to do a 180 and be the wife mother and lover he always wanted. My family will never, i repeat never be taken for granted again.<P>Thanks to all of you for your stories and situations over the entire year. They helped me the most.<P>Good luck to all of you and I hope to read all your recovery stories soon.<P>

For other alcoholics:<P>The policy of "no contact with Alcohol" worked for me. I dont know how and why it worked but I went to a total of two AA meetings and if someone slipped all the other alcoholics would condone the behavior. "OHH, it was OK you slipped, do better this week." I just couldn't go there in good faith knowing what I had done to my family and then sit there and pat people on the back who slipped.<P>I know AA works for some people and that is fine but frankly the policy of no alcohol works best. Especially when<BR>trying to save one's marriage. Quitting on my own has made me stronger than ever and has helped me deal with everything else this year.

Beautiful,<BR> Thanks for sharing that message of hope. It's my story except my H is the alcoholic, me the betrayer. We're at the year and a half mark. It has been terribly hard to get here<BR>I'll always live with the deep regret, and when he decides to get drunk I am slammed with it all anew. Can you give more details on your drinking history and how it affected your marriage? My H is 47 and a life long binger and sometimes has been a 24/7 drinker. Do you think if it were reversed your H the betrayer and when you got drunk (for the sake of arguement) would you throw it up in your H's face and set your "recovery" back to the beginning? That's the way I felt when he did that to me recently, and I know the next time he gets loaded that's what it will be, a rehash of why, how come, WHY? I guarentee it could be 15 yrs. afterwards and let him drink and it would be like D-Day<BR>ground zero.<P> Mainly how did you get motivated to quit drinking? How long had you been alcoholic? <BR> I truely wish you all the best!!