My condensed story is to be found in the thread below marked "Well, What About When THIS Happens?"<P>Tonight my W hissed at me that she wanted me out by July 1. She has so much anger towards me -- she thinks I'm trying to drag it out and make her change... Um, well, I am... I've been Plan A'ing, but it looks like Plan B is imminent.<P>Has anyone ever made it back together from a conversation in which the following bon mots were uttered?<P>"I wish we had never gotten married."<P>"I can't stand continuing this with you... You've got to get out and let me be happy again."<P>"You don't make enough money... Go learn how to suport a family."<P>"My ex-husband would be able to afford me, but you ruined any chance of him taking me back..."<P>I did my best to remain calm and patient. I told her that one day I hoped she would be able to truly see herself, and then maybe fix herself.<P>A few minutes ago, she came in here (I flipped over to Gamespot.com) and apologized. She said that it seemed like the only way that she could get through to me was to be mean. She said when she was nice, I just didn't seem to get what she was saying.<P>This sucks. But it makes it somehow easier to let go when she acts like that...

Oh boy - she's a real tiger ain't she? Worry not - standard WS 'script' again. I've had to endure these little gems from my WH:<P>"Do you want me to come back just because I feel guilty, and spend the rest of my life in utter misery?"<P>"I feel my soul has learned all it can from you, and I need to move on"<P>"We (WH & OW) are 100% sure that we are 'twin souls' and were destined to be together"<P>One day he was telling me that he "felt so trapped by you and the kids, I don't want to be tied down any more, I want to live my life again"....The very next day, when I asked him what he thought about the OW (who's younger than him) wanting kids in the future "Well, of course I'll have kids with (OW) if she wants them"<P>and when I mentioned that if we got divorced, and I moved back to England and married again, that another man might be bringing up his children..."No Way is any other man EVER going to be a father to MY kids"<P>I'm telling you - I know these things hurt right now, but there will come a time when you've heard them all before and will be able to just laugh at them.<P>Hang in there,<BR>Paint<P>

Just wanted you to know you've been read/heard tonight.<P>I hope someone who did make it back comes by... it wasn't to be in my case... but I just couldn't let this slip down without a response...<P>You're doing good, really... even if you can't see it yet... yes, I've seen worse cases that worked out... maybe search them out, look for Lostva, Lor(Lor), Lora (lots of Lori's, eh? ) come to mind... look for them!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

fake_name,<P>Have a question here, does your wife own the house you are living in? Is that why she is asking for you to leave instead of leaving herself?<P>From what I read on your other thread, you wife is continuting a pattern of behavior that started with you in her previous marriage. It seems that she is struggling between tooking for someone else to take of her financially and having the love she wants. It seems that neither one of them is enough separately for her. I am sure that she thinks this new guy has it all. But until she develops some murity about such things she seems destined to move from man to man. Because of her affair with you, she was not forced to solve the problems in her previous marriage. And she is running away from them in the current marriage. IMHO of course.<P>Generally people need some time after a divorce is final to get their head screwed on streight. Your wife never did that. Has she ever totally supported herself? My bet is not, so she has an unresonable expectation of money and what it takes to provide it. <P>If I were you I'd make a concerted effort to find out who this OM is and what his financial situation really is. He may be what she says, or he could be a con man seeing her with a nice house and wanting to get his hooks into that. I've seen this played out before.<P>You should always know your enemy. It's a basic rule of war. Perhaps you should Plan B and let her try supporting herself. Or if not Plan B then tell her you want to let her have what she needs. So then sit down with her to see how she is going to support herself with out you. Even meet OM to make sure he is willing to support your dear, sweet wife from the day you move out. Be kind and accomodating in making sure she is going to be taken care of. My bet is that the OM will run like hell given this sort of responsiblity when he barely knows her. I know that sounds weird but it just might work.<P>Hang in there. I know this is very hard.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

zor:<P>The house is in both of our names... But she brought it into the marriage, so in the end, she would get it. But I still think it's really unfair for her to have an A, tell me about it in an effort to make me leave digustedly, then when I don't move out and I try to fix the marriage, to then try to MAKE me move out.<P>I like your plan... All I know about the OM is that he has offered to take care of all of the debts if we will separate, or something to that effect. It sounds like he's committed and has the means. My wife keeps acting like the separation is all about her independence, when it reality it is a collaboration. She can't possibly handle things the way she's outlined them in her proposed separation agreement without getting his help financially. I had never really considered your strategy... It's a good one...<P>I loathe that this marriage's problems are being fought in the financial arena. That's so not what it's about...<P>Thanks for your help, f_n

If the house is in both of your names, then stay in it. In some states, if you move out of your home it can be classed as 'abandonment'. Regardless of whether you are in Plan A or not, you have to protect yourself. Take control of the situation and simply tell her 'I am NOT going to move out of my home, I am NOT going to file for divorce, I am going to give us both time'. This is what I told my husband and he moved out instead - but I'm in the better position now!<P>Stay strong,<BR>Paint.

Well said Paint,<P>Let me just add as a xWS it's not fun and games being on your own again. The more time I spent away from home, the worse it seemed to get. Sure I had money, but all those things I seemed to take for granted from my wife added up as well. <P>How is it she got my laundry to smell the way it did? It seems when I do it, no matter how many downy balls, or dryer sheets, or how much tide I use doesn't help It still wasn't the same.<P>Before I get bashed with the laundry thing. Yes I can, and have done the laundry in the past, but it doesn't seem to come out right.<P>There's so much more then that as well.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

We understand [H] it is the little things that one remembers when not in contact with spouse anymore!