I am finding my self turning to another man. He is so much fun. We laugh and talk. He likes to tease me. I find myself wanting him so much. That I can not stand. I almost had a fling with him before my h had an Affair. I just I should have left with him and never looked back. My H hurt me so bad and how can I ever forgive him for the things he has said to me. I think of this guy and I go crazy. Maybe is only a sexual thing. He wants to do a lot things and go alot of places. Right Know, I can not really travel because of the baby. I know what I had with my husband and sometime I think that I could find something so wonderful. I had a wise lady tell that you never leave you spouse for another person. She said" nine out of ten times you are left with egg in your face and most of the time the grass is not greener on the other side." I am so confused. I also think that I can find a true love who would never think of hurting me. I have learned so much from this site. I understand the mistakes that I made in my marriage. All my friend tell me that I could do so much better. I am sorry I am just confused.

Of course your mind is on someone else. You are VULNERABLE and need REASSURANCE, that you are not getting from H. But you are setting yourself up. This is just how your H affair started, it is a fantasy away from home and your problems at home. I call it the "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY" (yes i am dating myself with that line ) But the lure is the fantasy and dreaming about it all. Please be careful.

I dont have much to say on it but this....im am a BS and the thought has crossed my mind....... i did not have anyone to help me cross that. but really knowing how your Ws hurt you would you really want to hurt them in return 2 wrongs dont make a right. and it would probrably be something you would regret later

No, no, no, no. Sorry, but this would be a really bad idea - and I mean a REALLY bad idea. I know how you feel - I've been tempted myself, if for no other reason than to give my own self-esteem a boost - then I realised that it wouldn't, it would just make me feel even worse. You're still married remember? Have strength in your heart and prove to yourself that you are stronger than he is. Having a 'fling' with this man would only add to all the confusion, the hurt and the pain, it's not an escape, it's a trap.<P>hugs, Paint.

I vote no, too and agree with Paint...itis a REALLY bad idea. Why add to your confusion? <P>I know how you feel but, be patient and be strong and things will get better.<P>Paint is right...this is a huge trap.

Please remember that you are very vulnerable right now with all of the hurt and Mr. Wrong could look loke Mr. Right at this moment. I have been and am still there. I look for someone to take the pain away. But this is not the solution. Only your resolve with how to deal with that hand you have been dealt can ease the pain. <P>Look for support from family and friends (that includes us). We do know what you are going through. Hang in there and be a good to yourself.

Hi mon:<P>I think this is probably the most natural reaction in the world...given the pain we've been through and the blow to our self-esteem, but let me tell you a story that perhaps will have relevance.<P>I was told this story by a friend of both my and my WH. This person and my WH were having dinner at a restaurant and the subject of there being several single men at the table brought up the idea that I was available if they needed a date. Suddenly WH popped up and said "Oh, no we're still married, she won't do anything like that."<BR>Kinda like the pot calling the kettle black but it made me feel good in that he still trusted me to do what was right...even in the face of his wrongdoing. <P>A lot of people trust us to do what's right...our children, our families, our friends...it's part of who we are...and until this is over in divorce court...that will be the way it is for me. Two wrongs still don't make a right.<P><BR>Faye<P><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited June 21, 2001).]

My counselor told me that a very high percentage of BS's end up in affairs of their own for precissely the reasons everyone here is saying. Because they are vulnerable and still not getting what they need from the WS.<P>She also said that these, the secondary affair, it often used to defuse the responsibility of the of WS for the first affair. As in "Well since you did it too, you cannot blame me anymore."<P>Please don't do this. Don't let yourself be a statistic. It is most likely that if you enter into an affair with this man, it will only be short lived and very tramatic for the both of you. You would be using him fill a gap in your heart but it is not a permanent solution. Only one that can lead to a lot of pain for everyone.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare