It's almost 1 1/2 yrs since D-day #1 8 months since #2. After the second D-day my W swore that she would do ANYTHING to make it up to me and that I could do anything to make sure she was being honest. I told her thats not what I wanted. I wanted to trust her. But my gut told me different. So I installed a key logger on all my computers. It logged everything. After months of waiting and watching. I had a whole list of things that hurt me.(Lies,dishonesty)She would tell me that I was the only one that she spoke to about the whole A. I told her that I wanted to be the one that she wanted to talk to and she said that I was. BULL%&#@!!! She also said that she never look for OM on line. Well after months of lies and deception it finally came to a head. Yesterday I was checking and found that she was looking for OM again on AIM. I saw it and ran straight to the bathroom and got sick. W came home and I confronted her. She denied it. I finally showed her. I went step by step of what she did. She still denied it. She insisted that she didn't do it even w/proof right in front of her. How dumb does she think I am? I told her that I lost what little trust I had. She finally admitted to do ing it. She said that she only wanted me. So why did she lie about it? Now I don't know what to do. I love her but don't trust her. HELP!!!

Trust is an integral part of love. If you don't have it, then what do you have?<P>I nailed my hubby's butt to the wall big-time with Spectorsoft. And it didn't help in the long run, at least for me. I've been literally up all night getting copious amounts of paperwork together for the lawywers. What a mess. I'm fried. If I stay, I'm burned. My husband's an addict, and illicit sex is one of his vices. Could this be a possibility in your marriage? I thought I read Dr. H. or someone notable say that most cases of adultery are born from addiction. Don't quote me, but it does make sense. Still...<P>I'm outta here,<BR>Nell

I, too, used Spectorsoft and found out that although when I told my husband he had to choose between me and the other man he said, "There is no decision to make. My marriage is most important," he was instant messaging his friend within a few days and talking about how stupid my demands were. I also confronted him with the evidence. He now says that he has severed all ties with him, but since I was stupid and let him know that I was monitoring, he no longer uses the home computers. His computer at work is a MAC. Does anyone know of a monitoring program that will work on a MAC?

I'm almost certain that this site has it for a MAC<BR> <A HREF="http://www.iopus.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.iopus.com/</A> <P>Check it out.<BR>

Read the Dr. Harley's articles here about infidelity. It is an ADDICTION. The behavior of your spouses, while still awful and still emotionally horrific for you, is extremely typical. Read <I>Surviving An Affair</I> if you haven't already to learn how to deal with these addictions. <P>And get counseling. For yourself only if your spouse won't go. Make sure you counsel with a PRO-marriage therapist who uses some type of cognitive therapy - something that is solution oriented. Make sure you make it clear that your goal is to stay with your spouse and build a new and better marriage.<P>I know that it is difficult sometimes to take that step to contact a therapist, but when you have the right therapist YOU WILL FEEL BETTER - about yourself, your marriage, about everything in your life.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>