Went grocery shopping...usually something I don't mind. Gives me a break from kids and I wander the aisles in no hurry.<P>Sooo. started thinking. Thinking about grocery shopping with boys...one of our agreements when we first had kids...no shopping with them...Can you believe it? Have only had to a couple of times in the last 9 years...what will it be like with three boys under 8 in tow...<P>Thinking about "Why am I buying <I> his favorite stuff </I>? When he probably won't be around to eat or drink it. Why do I even care?<P>Thought so much I had a panic attack. Shaking. Short of breath. Scared. Soooo scared. I called a friend and she talked me through it. <P>If I feel like this and he hasn't left yet....what will happen when he's gone? <P>And, then there's their self-imposed exile. Now I know it is until they both have things taken care of at home and have left their respective families. (My powers of detective work are only exceeded by Sherlock Holmes himself .) I am praying it backfires on them. That when they are 'together' again I have plan A'd well enough that some of their fog will have dissipated. I keep reading SAA about the end of the affair...praying that reality sets in rather quickly for them...<P>Feel like I'm on a white water trip in an innertube---hurtling down the river with no control. I want to take control. I need to focus. Focus on boys. Focus on house. Focus on me.<P>Why do I think I will have so much relief when he finally does leave? Why do I almost want to ask him to get it over with already and go? <P><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

It's not suprising you feel this way Cali - he's keeping you on the edge of your seat, dangling by a thread, 'will he, won't he' cliffhanger stuff. It's not very fair. I've had a few panic attacks myself over the past couple of months - they're not very pleasant are they? Gradually they have gotten fewer and further between, but the last one (yesterday) took me totally by suprise - It was the 2-month anniversary of the ab, and I was coping with it pretty well - had planned to take the kids down to the play area in the mall for a bit. I was just putting my mascara on and I suddenly thought 'Oh, maybe the play area might not be such a good idea - too many babies there', then a few seconds later I started shaking so much my teeth were chattering! It lasted about 30 minutes, then I was OK again - had a hot cup of tea and a piece of fruitcake! Funny how it takes you so suddenly like that! <P>Take care, Paint.

Hi Cali,<P>Can't stay too long. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in the anxiety dept. Happens more often than we realize. At first mine were frequent, hit at anytime. Even during a dept meeting, in the store, in the shower, while cooking, working at my desk, etc. <P>Work with it when it happens. Put yourself down for a short rest. Cry it out if you need to. I could feel them coming on. Once was in the car when we were together running errands. It would leave me exhausted. I let H see me and he felt bad. But I don't think bad enough because he still went back to OW after each attack. They lasted off and on for about 4 months. My last one was a couple of months ago. <P>Your body is releasing it's stress. Gotta let it do that. <P>Gotta go, will check on you later. <P>L.<BR>

Oh my goodness. THink back to 3 weeks ago, remember any of my posts? Particularly the one where I was sitting at the computer typing and couldn't MOVE while my 3 kids were screaming and I couldn't get myself to go take care of them.<P>I believe you were one of the people that said - go breathe - get off your butt and take care of the kids.<P>I'm sure you can go back and see some of my many panic attacks. Oh boy, do they suck, huh? Just wanted to let you know, I'm still there with you.<P>I'm glad you had a friend there you could talk with. Half the time I don't and just have to post to keep myself going. Luckily I am near a computer most of the day and night.<P>Cali, the best thing for you will be when you leaves. The waiting will finally be over. Believe me, I WAS JUST THERE 3 weeks ago. Boy, have I changed, and you will too.<P><hugs> Cali, just think of the kids - it's the best cure. Imagine how difficult it must be for our H's when they get the panic attacks! They have nothing!! Good, they deserve it for the hell they are putting us through.

I too had one where I had no one to turn to but the board- look in Recovery for mine. Believe it or not the thing that helped me get a grip and snap out of it was the OW calling and hanging up again. <P>LOL!! Another thing to thank her for.. along with thank you for pushing him to sleep with you to help him snap out of that fog, lol. And thank you for becoming a psycho ***** and making him hate you. I'm starting to realize I have alot to thank her for if I ever feel like the time is right to rub her nose in it. <P><BR>Anyhow, yes this high drama 'I'm moving out and all the while you are being so loving and trying to do everything right to leave a good Plan A immpression', this has got to be listed somewhere in the psyche manuals under "things that will cause an otherwise healthy person to lose their marbles". I think that when he finally leaves, after the initial shock wears off, you are going to feel relieved to only worry about passing the cookie aisle without a tantrum for a while.<P>Breathe, relax, take a long bath, and invest in some good herbal teas. You are not alone, we all care for you and are here for you!<P><BR>

I am the queen of anxiety attacks. Went to the Dr who said, "you're the least depressed person I've seen-- you're anxious, silly." Everyone here, it seems, touts anti-depressants to help us through. I tout anti-anxiety meds.<P>There are some that take a while to work, while others work immediately toi slow the pounding heart rate and sweating. Xanax is the best for me. take it only when necessary, but it works right away. It's a short term fix, but coupled with some over-the-counter sleep meds (Unisom), I made it through two horrible months.<P>Funny story... WH was in the Hospital for racing heartbeat (stress-- ha! what does he know of stress!) and the Dr (same dr) said he was gonna put him on cumaden which is basically rat poison. I told the Dr, in front of WH, that I didn't think it would be effective, as I was sure that he'd built up quite a tolerance to it over the last few months. We all had a pretty good laugh over that one.<P>Breathe deep. Think pleasant thougts. Get some meds. Repeat my mantra; "you can't change the behavior of others, only the way you react to it." <P>You are so strong... stronger than you realize. Glad to see you phoned a friend for help. Keep doing that. You'll be great... I know it.<P>Hugs from...<P>"The hat"

Dear Cali, Had to add my two cents about anxiety attacks. I went through a five month period long ago (unrelated to M) when I had them, the type that really comes right out of the blue for no apparent reason, and makes you wonder if you're going to keel over or explode from the adrenaline coursing through your body. I found the first thing to do was breathe slowly and deeply, because usually during an anxiety attack, you're hyperventilating, which makes you lightheaded and faint. Then, distract yourself--focus on some simple but engaging task as quickly as possible, read something, make idle conversation with someone, make a list in your head, anything that gives your mind something on which to focus until it passes. The best thing is, after you manage them a while without meds., they become less threatening and go away on their own (at least I found that to be the case).<P>Oddly, I haven't had more than two or three of what I would call a panic attack since WH began his A. Probably because I was so generally full of anxiety for so long!!--wasn't able to eat much of anything for a while after D-day, couldn't sleep well for even longer, and whenever I'd find out some new evidence of lies and deception (especially after I had let myself trust WH again), I would often find that I would start shivering and my teeth would chatter, just like Paintbox said she experienced. <P>The impact of the A on the BS is so very physical as well as emotional--our entire lives get turned upside down and everything seems out of our control. I know WS's have their own sets of problems, but they at least "saw what was coming" in that the M got to a point where they unilaterally decided to make everything topsy turvy. For us, it's as you say, an involuntary white-water trip. Anxiety is very, very normal. Not being anxious at first would be abnormal. Calm returns (so they tell me, and I'm FINALLY starting to feel this myself) as you begin to regain control of what you can control, and let go of what you cannot.<P>Best wishes that you feel ever stronger and calmer, octavia99