I'm thinking again, that's hazardous. The court antics are coming to my mind. <P>After all that I have done for them, to be treated like this, they are so profoundly hateful, vicious and hurtful. They think it's all fun and games just trying to rip and tear me to threads....it's sick, insane. I can't even fathom that anyone could be so cruel, heartless and outright cold. Much less think it's funny, like they sat there in court carrying on laughing and snickering, like it's just a big joke. It was the evil ringleader OW and D, but H sat there and allowed it. It's extremely difficult to get through the emotional, mental torment and turmoil. Sometimes it just gets unbearable and overwhelming. I'm trying to wade through the suffering of it all. It's tough.<P>How evil they are! All the years meant nothing? All the love turned to hatred. All the avid multitude of lies they are telling. All the selfish, self-centered repugnance. Sad. <P>Thanks.....and Take Care.

HW<P>Looks like you are carrying an extra heavy load today. <BR>I am sorry.<P>I know it is hard, but the best things I have found to lighten the load are:<P>1. Stay busy. Find an activity; exercise; walk...do something that cand change your focus.<P>2. Try not to dwell on this. I know this is a hard one and not always possible, but let your mind move to something, anything, else.<P>Stay strong...good luck. <P>E <P>

Elad:<P>Thank you, I'm trying. <P>Appreciate your response. Take care.<BR>

People with that kind of attitude are just sick. People with that kind of nasty streak deserve each other. Just remember that what goes around, comes around, sooner or later, that cruel side will be turned inwards towards each other. It's just a matter of time. But when that time comes, you probably won't care anymore, they'll be behind you. Let them make themselves miserable, but don't let them do that to you!<P>Put on a strong front, and make yourself the best you can be. Their antics are feeding off of your pain. Don't let them see that. You don't play that game.<P>Stiff upper lip and soldier on, girl!

Dear Hurtwife,<P>I am sorry for the rough time you are having. It shouldn't happen to anyone. You need to realize that you are better than they are and even though it may 'appear' that they are laughing now, remember he/she who laughs last laughs best. <P>You will have your time. They will watch with regret. For now you watch with hurt but not regret that you did something wrong. That is for them to learn. <P>Remember sometimes, you just can't help stupid. <P><<<<<<<hugs to HW>>>>>>>>><P>For those days when I am hurting so bad, a suggestion was made here for me to take my right hand and put it on my left shoulder and put my left hand on my right shoulder and squeeze. There that is a real hug. Can't do it in person but know the thought was there. You know what? It helped. Well, I actually cried when I did it but for the moment that is what I needed to do. Cried, got it out of my system and felt better. See? I am still here. <P>Try it!!!<P>L.

Redon:<P>I agree with you....it is sick. When it does turn inwards towards each other....it's going to be real ugly, they both have explosive behavior and are basically nasty self-serving beings. I would imagine with all the tension and stress things are escalating. What a relationship! All based on lies, deceit, betrayal, thoughtlessness, and barbaric intents of hurting others for their own selfishness. It seems to be coming back on them...so let them wallow and suffer in misery for what they have created.<P>I did put up my strong front and ignored them. I stayed calm and collected, as they made fools of themselves. The arrogant idiots thought they had concocted a plan and were going to win..wrong answer. Funny when the Judge slammed H and told him he was NOT entitled to anything. I know the Judge saw right through them and most likely thought it preposterous. OW had already appeared before this Judge twice that I know of. Once when the Judge found her guilty of harassment/trespassing, told her she found her story utterly ridiculous, than issued me an Order of Protection. I'm sure she also thought their antics were totally disrespectful in a courtroom. I'm also sure she thought it in extremely low to bring his adulteress OW flaunting her in court and in front of his W, much less dragging his children along. They need to grow up and get a clue. <P>After 11 months of H*LL, I'm finally starting to stand up for myself.....Thank God. <P>Thank you very much for you response and encouragement.<BR>Take care and the BEST to you. <BR>

Orchid:<P>Seems to be the story of my life. They certainly were not laughing after the Judge slammed him down. It was my turn to laugh, H was so sure of his and OW's plot to get their way, her carrying on like an immature idiot. I bet they are not laughing now. Funny, they thought they were going to get at me and it backfired....big time.<P>I did nothing wrong, H did and keeps on the with OW on the path to H*LL. I don't think they are capable of regret, with their lying, vindictive, hateful ways.<P>H has court again Tuesday, another case, his attorney is suing him for refusal to pay. Don't think he'll be laughing over that one either. I hope the words I repeatedly told him come to mind "what you put out comes back to you". The first time I told him that he said "B*LLS**T". Wonder if he is having second thoughts now. Sure seems like it been coming his way.<P>I like that "can't help stupid" perfect for them. I don't think beings like this are able to learn, they don't have enough sense to know. DUH...if they only had a brain...maybe they should go see the wizard.<P>Thanks so much for your words and support.<P>((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))<P>

HurtWife,<P>When I read about you H's children I cannot help but think of my own step children. It is so much safer for them to be angry at me and their father then at their mother. Their mother walked out on her husband (my new husband) and her children as few years ago to move in with her boyfriend. They have learned that it is not safe to be angry at her as she does not love even her children unconditionally. So they tiptoe around her and every things she says is gospel the them.<P>Here at our house they show their anger, yell, act up. Why? Because they know they are safe here. They know that while we may send them to their room for time out. Even strip their room of stereos and other goodies (we are not lax parents), they know that their father (my husband) and I will never never abandon them. We have told them as much. I've even screamed it at my step son as he threw things at me. And you know what... slowly these children are coming around slowly they are learning that this is a safe place to be.<P>Your step children are afraid that if they do not stand up for their mother and father, that they are going to loose them. If the D does not support his current affair, she will loose her father. She has already seen him dump her mother and you. She is a child and cannot take this risk.<P>On the other hand she knows deep down that you will always have a place in your heart for her. That is why you can be so bothered by all this.<P>When my children have yelled at me "I hate you!" my response has always been "I know you feel like that right now. Perhaps later you can find your love for me again. But I will always love you. You don't have to love me for me to love you. You are my child and therefore my love."<P>Boy does this stop the hate talk in it's tracks. If only you could get such a message to your step children. That it is ok for them to love their mother and father. Even the stupidity that is going on. They are children and they are being pulled in all directions. Return their belongings to them with a kind a loving note. That might work.<P>I feel for your pain.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Hurtwife, I relate to your story. So far OW hasn't shown up in court with my H, but they are also making false accusations and blaming for everything that they've caused themselves. I also feel terribly hurt at how hateful, vicious, and hurtful their behavior is (I expect it of OW, but not my H). It's hard to bear after 19 years together. <P>I know someday we'll be better and this will all be behind us, no matter how it turns out. The process of going through it is almost unbearably painful and all the good advice, though appreciated, just doesn't help much.

zorweb:<P>After H moved out his children were calling here. They didn't know anything, didn't know he wasn't here anymore. I told H they were calling and I didn't answer their calls. H asked me why, because I thought it was his place to tell them....not mine. H didn't talk to them or tell them until two weeks later, when he picked them up for a visit. H told them, he said they responded with "what you mean we won't get to see her anymore, or talk to her". He said he told them that was between them and myself. I called them to say hi and to see how they were occasionally. Than H jumped on me for calling his kids. H told them a bunch of lies, that if anything happened to him it was my fault. He was covering his butt, so he wouldn't look bad. This was very selfish for him to drag his children into this, and upset them. <BR>His D jumped on me saying if anything happens to Dad, if YOU close down the business, if YOU put him in jail, I hope you know you are hurting US. I said "WHAT', what did your Dad say to you, she said nothing. Now this isn't something she would have come up with herself, as she was saying things I knew she wouldn't have known anything about. I couldn't believe H did this. I told D that if he did nothing wrong he had nothing to worry about, if he did it wasn't me it was him. I also told her that she shouldn't even be involved in this and I wouldn't discuss it with her and he shouldn't either. I also told the children that no matter what between their Dad and I, that I still care and loved them. I told them if they ever needed someone, I'd be there for them. His D got real nasty with me and yelled and told me NOT TO CALL anymore, so I haven't. I haven't heard from them either. <P>I told H that it was NOT right getting them involved and upsetting them. I asked him what he had told them. He said he just told them I was threatening me. I NEVER threatened him. I told him his D brought up things I knew he told D, otherwise she wouldn't have known and this hurtful towards them, inappropriate. <P>So I know H did this, because he didn't want contact between the children and I. Also, to put any blame on me if something happens, taking it off himself, therefore it's poor Dad and I'm the bad guy. <P>As it stands, now he has manipulated them into hating me. I understand they love him, as they should, I never tried to drag them into this. I had talked to their mother previously and told her this. She talked to me, apparently has a real hatred for H. She even told me that she hoped I got him good, because she was too stupid when she went through the divorce with him, she also told me to call her anytime. I told her I didn't want the children involved, she agreed. <P>A couple of month ago, I sent the children some bookmarks, with "Footprints". Since D seems to have such hatred towards me, I sent it from the dogs, with a picture of them, signed with paw prints.<P>When I went to court with him...he brought the children. I feel this was very wrong. You can read my other posts, if you want...it explains more. H gave me a copy of a letter his Ex wrote, it's full of ridiculous lies. H had the picture that I sent the children and said I just did that to upset them. This was definitely NOT my intentions. D wants the dog, they already had two dogs. They never would take care of the dog when they were here. H abandoned the dog, refused to even pay for dog food or vet bills. H had got an apartment and said he couldn't have ANY pets. H told me they weren't his dogs and he didn't care what I did with them. H said take them to the pound, put them to sleep, I don't care. I told him he had turned into a cruel, cold and heartless.<BR> <BR>D all the sudden wanted the dog after about 6 months.<BR>The dog was H's before I knew him, but has displayed aggressiveness towards H and his children. The dog only listens to me, even hand signals I taught him. The dog doesn't get along with other dogs, and is used to a quiet atmosphere and doesn't like any commotion. Last summer the kids said they were getting a puppy. I had told them why didn't they take this dog. They didn't want him at all and got the puppy, which has now grown into a big dog. After careful thought, I decided they should NOT have this dog, it would not be in their better interest or the dog's. They already have two dogs, and many rowdy teenagers....too much excitement. This dog I know would get hostile in that environment, fighting with the other dogs and/or biting someone, it has bitten H before (H's fault). I had explained this to D and her mother, to no avail. The mother said, after I spelled this out clearly, well D thinks she can handle it. You would think D is the parent, she is very obstinate when she wants her way. I've had this dog for six years, I know his disposition. Why would you want to put your children and their others dogs in with this dog knowing it wouldn't work? <P><B> RE: Their mother walked out on her husband (my new husband) and her children as few years ago to move in with her boyfriend. <BR> RE: She has already seen him dump her mother and you.</B><P>Wow, same circumstances as me. Their mother also left H and moved in with her boyfriend. She even left H with the children, got a one bedroom apartment with the boyfriend. She dumped H, I heard H tell me this story for a long time. How she tore out his heart and ripped it to pieces. H said he was devastated and tried everything, going to ministers and counseling, to save his first marriage...than he turns around and does the same thing to ME. H wasn't even the least bit interested in trying to save our marriage(I guess because of OW). <P>The Ex's letter stated that I refused to give D the dog. Ex said she had no prior contact with me over six years....what a LIE. Ex had called me about a few items the children wanted, she wanted to pick them up that day. I told her, when I had time, that I would pack them up, call to make sure someone was home, and deliver them, she agreed. I did this, called, D answered asked "Who's this?" when I told her it was me....she slammed the phone in my ear. OK, I tried. I called Ex at work, couldn't call their home, D wouldn't let me talk to her previously and Ex said she never got the messages I left before. I told Ex of my attempt to return the items....she didn't say anything, or offer a solution. Ex wrote in her letter that I REFUSED to return items that belonged to them. She said I had called her house for no apparent reason. Ex wrote she didn't know how I found out where she was employed and was shocked that I called her. Duh, I watched HER children during the summers, had them for six years....I had this information of employment by my request in case of emergency. Anytime I had talked to Ex, I always asked her first if she minded or had time, she always obliged. <BR> <BR>I have made no further attempts for any contact, just leave well enough alone. Everything gets turned around negatively towards me...and lying is a way of life with them. Fine things to teach your children (some parents?)<P>We had vast problems with D. Three years before our marriage D stuck to me like glue. After our marriage,it was like she was on a mission to get rid of me. Even MIL told H this was D's intent, and don't let her break your marriage apart...I guess D is happy now, I'm sure this probably contributed. I don't resent D, she apparently has a lot of problems, although her actions were uncalled for her father should have taken charge. H felt guilty because he had his children most of the time before he moved in with me. They stayed with their mother during the week, as she requested, it was less disruptive for them during school. H relinquished his parental guidance and discipline. H felt he didn't spend much time with them, and let their behavior go without correction. H pushed it off on me. This created conflict of course. I did not ask that much of them. His son was not a problem, it was his D. D was very disrespectful to H, at times it was horrible, she would never listen to him. D would yell in his face and badger him terribly. I don't find it acceptable to shout and call your father a "LIAR" or tell him to "SHUT UP". D started talking to me disrespectfully also, I can only remember one time that H actually said something to her. Usually he just let it go. I felt at that point it shouldn't be let go, so I would step in. <P>D even made extremely RUDE comments to our neighbors, the first time they were in our home. D walked across in front of them and turned off the stereo, even though H told her NOT to repeatedly, while she proceeded to do this. H said absolutely nothing to her. I sent her to her room. One of the neighbors said I would never let my child speak to anyone like that....H made no comment. I later told D that she was more than welcomed in our home, but this behavior would NOT be tolerated and she was never to treat or talk to anyone like that in our home again. I had talked to H and thought she should write the neighbors an apology. They following weekend visit, H talked to her and asked her to write an apology....she said "NO" and refused. H & I discussed this, decided he would go with her to the neighbor and she could apologize in person...she again refused, stating she did nothing wrong. D went outside to play on her merry way. So H said...there was nothing he could do, since she refused he couldn't make her. I didn't feel this should just be let go. H asked what I would suggest, I told him he should at least send her to her room to think about it, so he did. When he took home, D didn't come over for 3 months after that, H blamed me for this, saying she wouldn't come over because of ME. H just couldn't see this is his job as a parent is to teach his children, manners, ethics, morals, etc. H couldn't see that this is for their benefit and detrimental to them otherwise. Now H has become an adverse example for his children, not to mention the appalling influence of OW. It's sad and sick that these children have to be exposed to this and the damage they will obtain. I do feel extreme compassion for the children, they shouldn't have to bare this burden. <P>I hope this explains why I can no longer have any contact with any of them. Anything will be misconstrued<BR>no matter how good my intentions. There is NO way to return anything, I would be putting myself into a conflicting position. I have already been accused of the most outrageous things...all LIES. At this point it has turned very UGLY, and it's better for me to stay clear. Unfortunate that it has come to this, but the facts of the matter remain. <BR> <BR>They have escalated this into such an unnecessary<BR>hostile mess. There is nothing I can do to change anything.<P>I really do appreciate your repsonses....thanks so much for the support.<P>May God Bless <P>