Here is my story:<P>My husband and I met in college when we were 19. We graduated from college and he moved my hometown. We were engaged and he cheated on me. I called off the wedding and moved out (we were living together). He came back to me and said he would do whatever it took to make me trust him again. Well, he did and I did. He asked me to marry him again two years later and we got married a year later. We have now been married almost 3 years. Everything was great and I had my best friend for my husband. He is always very thoughtful and everything has always been 50/50. I thought we would be together forever and were planning on starting a family this summer. We both just turned 30 within the last couple of months. We were having some issues with sex – mainly not enough. I knew this was an issue and didn’t really address it. He would casually mention that it bothered him and I just thought it was something that would work itself out. I knew I loved him and that wasn’t why. I think I just got lazy which isn’t an excuse. In February I noticed he was acting differently – not being as considerate, loving, short tempered, etc. He started going out with people from work a couple of times and staying out later than normal. At the end of February he was asked to go on a project out of state for 6-8 weeks and coming home every other weekend. I was so upset thinking of not having him around but he said he would be good for us and it would be ok. March 12th I opened the bills (which I always let him do and didn’t even look at them). I found his cell phone with a phone number on it over 100 times in a month! I called it and a girl answered, I hung up. I called back and got the voicemail so I had her name. I called him and asked who she was. He said “nobody”, got defensive, hung up. He called me back and said she was someone he had met and they were just friends. Then he said that he and I had some things to work out and he felt differently about me. I freaked out and started counseling the next day. He came home that weekend and continued to lie about this girl. I then found a credit card bill where he had flown her up there! He STILL lied and said he booked the flight then she didn’t go and he hadn’t slept with her. He finally admitted that she did go up there and they had slept together. Over the next few weeks he kept lying to me and continued to talk to her. I think he saw her some but he was out of town and home on the weekends with me. He was even going to counseling on the weekends when he came home. His basic explanation was that he loved me but felt like we were just friends. He said he had always missed the intimacy with me but thought that everything else was great so that was ok. He said now he realizes he needs that. I told him I did too and that I would turn it around with his help. He agreed but things just kept getting worse. I found out the girl is a stripper! He doesn’t usually go to those places. I went out of town for training on January 12th and he went with some friends that we aren’t usually around and went home with her! I then found credit cards that he had built up and paid off with some money I had from an inheritance. In counseling he said that he had built up the credit cards bills (which he has always had a problem with) and didn’t want me to know. While he was in St. Louis he met a bunch of people that he was going out with there. He said it was a fun group and since he was out of town he always went out with them. One is a girl that I believe he probably has had or now is having an affair with. He talked about her and said they were just friends and she had just gotten out of a bad relationship. The last week he was there she was all over the cell phone bill but he says they are just friends. I don’t believe him. He came home from that project April 25th and told me he wanted a divorce and that things were too messed up and we couldn’t get past it all. He said he felt differently and that I would never trust him again anyway. We went to counseling and he then agreed we need to try to save our marriage so we to Hawaii for a week (a pre-planned trip). It was ok and we had some nice times. Memorial Day weekend I came home to a note saying he needed some time to think and was going out of town. He told me he went to his hometown but I have never really believed him. He came home and said he wanted a divorce. He was going to leave but I did and went to my cousins since my house makes me nuts. He then called me and said he didn’t know if he wanted a divorce and just thinks that is the easiest route at this point. He said he needed time to get himself straight. We have been separated for the last 3 weeks. However, the last two weeks he has been in St. Louis. He went to interview for a job they offered him there. He said not to read anything in to it and that it is a great opportunity – a lot more money. He has called and talked about us moving there for a fresh start and then in the same breath says maybe it will be best for him to just leave and let me get on with my life. He was suppose to come home Monday. He called yesterday, said he was sorry and that they had asked him to stay to talk to more people. He said he would be home on Wed (last night) and wanted to get together to “talk” tonight. He said he just wanted to get together start talking about things, about this job, wanted to hug, etc. Now, I went by the house and he didn’t come home last night and I haven’t heard from him. We were suppose to get together today (tonight) and I have heard nothing. I called him and left him a voicemail saying how unfair and selfish he is being and that I can’t believe he didn’t have more respect for me than this. I know he is going to ask for a divorce. I can’t believe it and after all this don’t want to live without him. I can’t bear to give our life up, our relationship, house, cars, friends, families, etc. I am sorry this is so long but how do I handle him telling me this tonight or whenever he decides to face me? I need some advice from those that have been there. Our friends don’t understand either. It seems he has become a different person completely in 5 months.<P>UPDATE from yesterday: <BR>Well, we met last night and he just cried and said he was so confused. I was actually stronger, told him I was willing to TRY - no guarantees and now he needed to decide. He is acting like he is going to take the job out of state but now is deciding if he wants us to work things out and me move up there too. He said they (the company) knows he will be back and forth for a while. Deep down I feel like he just thinks it is easier to move on and even though he loves me I think he believes too much has happened now. I know I should just leave him but I love him. We are getting together again this weekend. If he wants the job he is suppose to be in training Mon and Tues so something has to be decided. Seems to me he has already accepted but says he hasn't and WE need to decide. We can't really decide one without the other though. We are going to dinner tonight and then meeting in the morning to "talk" again.... what a long weekend. I would be so grateful for any advice you can give me....

Hmm, sounds like fog talk, big time. He doesn't know what he wants, one minute it's you, and the next it's not. Standard fare, I'm afraid. Try not to take it too seriously, you are thinking straight, he is not. Have you been doing Plan A?<P>To me, this move might be an opportunity. This could be a chance to end contact with the OW and start the road to recovery. If you look on the emotional needs article:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html</A> <P>you'll find that sexual fullfillment is a very important emotional need for men. This is something that you have to recognize and strive to meet. Let him know that you're there to try and work things out. Keep the communication.<P>I worry about the 'decision' part of it. I found with my WS anyway, that she just couldn't decide. It went on for months, very agonizing, long, painful months, until I couldn't take it anymore.... hello Plan B. And sometimes, that's what it takes to snap the WS out of 'it'. Keep the updates coming, and all the best to you,