Everyone, I know I'm a new kid around here, but.... Please hold my hand a little bit.<P>It's bad, y'all. Real bad.<P>My W and the OM seem to be really serious. He's offering huge financial support that I can't compete with. She is pushing me HARD to move out of the house by July 1. She's saying really hurtful things to me, like "Why don't you go out and learn how to support a family." I'm out of town right now and I'm sure that she's with him.<P>She won't even entertain the slightest attempt by me to try to talk about working on the marriage. She just gets angry with me and accuses me of stalling on the July 1 thing.<P>She's already had a lawyer send me a sep agreement. She's threatening more legal action if I'm not out by July 1. Did I mention she's a lawyer, too?<P>She's really really hurt me very deeply... I never would have dreamed this could happen... But I still love her so intensely... I am of course devastated by her behavior and have no illusions about how difficult recovery from this would be, but I am willing to try.<P>Why do they say things like "We never should have gotten married." and "I've been unhappy for a lot longer than you know."? Am I supposed to believe that she really felt this way back then? I KNOW it's not true. I know that when we married, we both meant for it to be forever. My attitude is: if we once felt that way, we can feel that way again.<P>My plan A has been sort of weak, I'm afraid. She won't talk to me about her ENs, and the only one I know of that she has tangibly told me is $$$. I'm doing my best to get on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire...<P>I'm headed towards moving out and Plan B, I guess. I know some of you will say to stay in the house and make her leave. She did bring the house into the marriage, plus there is our little girl involved... My stepdaughter and her child... she's nine. So logically, it does make the most sense for me to move out. I'm afraid she'll do some legal maneuver if I don't.<P>Can I talk to this woman anymore? Do I just need to Plan B? She hasn't shown hardly any sign of remorse or desire to reconcile. She does admit her actions have been wrong, and she "doesn't want to hurt me" but she is taking a very cold approach to me.<P>I'm so up and down emotionally... Sometimes I'm ready to just move on, but mostly I just miss her, think about her and the good times, love her.<P>I'm on a photo shoot for work right now, and wouldn't you know? It's at the same place we spent our honeymoon. This is the worst I've ever felt in my life.<P>What can I do? For more of my story, please do a search for my name... The threads are not more than a few days old... <P>Thanks to God for this forum.<P>f_n

Welcome <B>fake_name</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do not move out... July 1<BR>Do not move out at all!!!<BR>To show her you're serious about <B>staying</B> married... stay put!!<P>If she moves out... there is nothing you can about <B>that</B>... but if you move out... you're saying you are not married!<P>The Plan A and Plan B...<BR>...these are <B>your</B> choice!<P>Plan A can happen when you are apart...<BR>Plan B can happen when you are together (this is harder)...<P>Working on Plan A ... is working on <B>you</B>...<BR>Don't worry about her reactions... (if negative)...<BR>The focus is on you!<P>You are not alone!<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Hi fake_name, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.<P>First, a hug for you - (((((f_n))))) You sound like you need one.<P>Now, onto your marriage.<P>First, you don't want your divorce. So, don't do anything to help it along. Yes, she'll be mad, but you can't go against what you believe is the right thing to do. Stand firm on that. Hold it off, don't sign, don't do anything... and definately get your own lawyer-- For your protection! Also, you'll need a lawyer so that you can continue contact with your step-daughter.<P>Secondly, unfortunately, her words are all too common. I know they hurt to hear, and yes, she means them right now -- some of what the betrayers (BS's) do is called "revisionist history" -- which is when they change the facts to suit their outcome. She probably did love you before, and maybe even somewhere deep inside now. But the OM blinds her to that love.<P>Thirdly, have you read (REALLY READ) about Plan A? Do some searches on Lostva (our bestest Plan A girl on the boards) and begin your own plan. Again, to read about it, go here --> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A> and don't forget to read again about <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> and earn to avoid them and egin to meet your W's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> the best you can, under the circumstances, since she's letting the OM meet them right now.<P>Your life is very hard right now!! You have a right to feel sad and frustrated and devistated and like your world is coming to an end... it isn't, by the way... hang in there.<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Thanks for your comments! I'm still down today but not quite as much...<P>I'm going to re-read Plan A and find out if I'm really REALLY doing it right. I'll also search for those other posts... Thanks a lot!<P>f_n