I have been trying to plan A with my wife who left our house (2) weeks.. I think she stays with om she says she dosen't but she has not told me the truth for 2 years. Anyway Plan A is the hardest thing in the world to do. I do pretty good most the time. But tonite I took her to the movies tried to put my arm around her and she said thats not a good idea??? My real question in plan A do you go out of your way to set up dates with her. Because i have probally been spending more time with her then before. I usually get all the time because the other man is busy. Am I defeating the purpose by being so available to her. We have (2) beautiful children one is 5 and the other 3. For two years my wife was having this affair but still living with me and the kids.Basically the best of both worlds. I sometimes think she still has it as long as i continue to be nice and take her and the kids places. What does everbody think should I go to Plan B . Quick history I found out about wife and other man a year ago confronted her and she said she would not see him anymore. Well I found out 2 weeks from other mans wife they are still going at it?

Plan A... means you do as much as you can with your W!<P>Plan B... is when <B>you</B> feel your love is almost all gone.<P>I went on my Plan A... for 20 months... and most people said that was too long...<P>How long it take for you to lose enough of your love (by the affair continuing)... is very individual.<P>I'd suggest... you read up on Plan B...<BR>...maybe even draft a letter...<BR>It takes time to get into the Plan B mindset for most!<P>You have my prayers!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Along with what NSR wrote, have you implemented YOUR Plan A improvements? Have you changed your behaviors - however insignificant to you - that caused your wife problems before the affair? If you haven't, do it. If you have, have you shared your knowledge of this approach with OM's wife?<P>In either case, please consider a counseling session with Steve Harley to have a professional's advice.<P>WAT

Thanks for the advise. I have not been very good at plan A last night after trying to put my arm around her I got a little upset. I told her her head is in a fog. She says that she is trying to make a decision if she wants to work on our marriage or not. But while she does she is still having a romantic affair with the om. I asked her to please take all the time in the world but please stop seeing the om why she makes that decision. She said she can not do that. And this is the way she is going to continue to go. She did say she would go to counciling together. But when i finally got a date and time she said she cant go that date because her best friend is having a party. Tonight I am taking her to dinner, and tomorrow playing tennis with her. OM is away for a couple of days. So this weekend she has agreed to everything I want movie,dinner,and tennis. But it is very difficult when I am with her last night before movie om calls her cell I ask her what that is all about and she said she didn't think that would bother me...Please Help.. Any suggestions for tonight??I am so confused .

Hey Glen,<P>Sorry you are in this position. My suggestions are, go out tonight and have fun! Be the guy she fell in love with when you were dating. No moaning about the OM or educating her or trying to get any answers or commitments from her. You go with no expectations, think of it as a date with someone you dont know very well. Be interested in her, what she has to say... not trying to pry info out of her. <P>Plan A is hard, the hardest thing you will ever do. I think its time you sort of set a time frame to do it. Give it your best shot forthe next 3 months or so. Maybe you can call the Harleys for counseling to make sure you are doing the best plan a you can. If it is too hard try to see her less and protect yourself from her hurtfulness. Then you can go to plan B, after you have built a solid foundation of good behavior. <BR>Lora