i am still fairly new hear but i have been reading a lot of the posts. i am trying to get a feel for the whole site.<BR>this site is a lot better and much more positive than some of the others. <BR>nolo and i are doing fairly well, but sometimes it is hard to get by day to day and be happy all the time when i know what has happened. i just found out 3 weeks ago. we have both accepted blame in our marriage falling apart, and getting back together. i still hurt, but i seem to be one of the lucky ones. i think OW is out of our lives forever.<BR>how did you find out and get through the very very hard times? knewjie and other BS, did you feel like it might happen again, even when you were in recovery and things were getting better? is it really normal to be happy a few days and then be very depressed again? since we are in agreement of what needs to be done to save our marr. should i just let the past go and get on with life or is it okay to still hurt and be unsure of everything? i am very confused. <BR>i don't know everyone's story but i would like to know a background. (i don't care how long, i love to read and think this is the best place to help right now.)<BR>[H] and others, were there big things lacking in the marr. that made you say, forget it, i'm going to find someone who makes me happy, and forget my H/W? i'm trying to understand what really happened to nolo, because i still do not know everything. i still don't know the name, where she was from, how long they were together, and a lot of other details. are they even important? do i need it for closure or should i believe, "what i don't know, won't hurt me?" i am looking for advice from everyone. please help.<P>thanks, love bluegirl

BlueGirl,<P>It has been 3 months now since my D-Day. The emotional roller coaster you are speaking of is normal. I still have it a bit but the highs and lows are not as pronounced. And the cycles are much longer. At first it seemed that the cycle ran about ever 15 minutes. My stomach literally hurt for about 4 weeks. I could not sleep. Could not eat. It was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. In about the 4th week I had to go on antidepressants because I became totally non-functional. Now after 3 months I'm starting to be functional at work. I sat and stared at my computer screen at work for the first two months. My husband (WS) has also experienced a depression during all of this. I would worry more about you if you said that you were not experiencing these feelings. They are normal. <P>Even though I've been doing fairly well lately I have a few symptoms still. I still suffer some insomnia. Have some days of just dull lethargy. I’ve noticed that in the last two weeks I have become emotionally and mentally exhausted. So I know that I need to take care of myself a little better. Today my husband and I were having a very nice, intimate talk and something came up that reminded me that he was seeking sexual favors in the past. So now some of the pain is back tonight. I suppose there will always be triggers. I just hope they get to be dimmer and dimmer.<P>I am one of the lucky ones on this website because my husband admitted to his affairs within the first two weeks after d-day and stopped contact with all of his internet "friends" on d-day. We read the Surviving and Affair book during that time frame and have been in recovery since. <P>If you would like to read our posts here search all of the forums for both zorweb (me) and my husband SeenTheLight. We have written volumes so start with the earlier dates and move forward in time.<P>Here is a link to my very first post:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html</A> <P>I hope this helps you some. I would be glad to answer any questions you have.<P>Wishing you well,<BR>Zorweb<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

zorweb, thank you for your honesty and openess. i don't know if it is hard for you to still talk about it, but i think it must be, because sometimes i still get all choked up talking about it. i know exactly how you said you felt. i too had horrible stomach pains, could not eat and had trouble sleeping. i guess it comes with the territory...i still get sick if i see someone that looks like the woman in the picture. i just want to stop and cry, but i am usually at work, so i can't. i also feel that since things are going pretty well, i don't have a reason to feel this way. i don't know what i am supposed to do. did you find out all of the details, and if you did, do you think it was necessary for your healing? or should i just leave well enough alone and go on?<BR>thank you so much and best of everything to you and your H.<BR>thanks, love and good luck, bluegirl

a few last things.....<BR>when i would work at nite(before i found out about the A)<BR>he would be on the computer all nite and i could not contact him. he told me it was all innocent and nothing was going on but i later found out that he had been chatting with this woman for about a year. now when i go to work, i still can't get a hold of him because he is again on the computer. he also has private emails that i have no access to and do not even know where they are(what search engine) is this privacy allowed and should i just <BR>let him be on the i-net all nite while i am at work? i really believed him before when he said it was all innocent. but now i still have my doubts. i really don't want to, and i am trying so hard to trust him, but i am scared. should he lay off the computer and going to the virtual worlds? i still don't know which website he met the OW on. I know nothing of her except i have seen the naked picture of her on our bed and know he met her on a marriage website. that is all i know.<BR>i also found some phone cards and long distance phone numbers to canada in his wallet right before i found out about the affair. he said they were for a couple he met on the internet. (a couple he met in a virtual world supposedly, they sent him a computer for christmas, saying since they were now married, they did not need 2 computers. there were 2 names on the return address, but now who knows if there is even a man? H and OW could have concocted some plan to make it look like 2 people. should i believe the story and all the stuff about the phone card? the long distance numbers were for women. do i believe these stories and go on or try to really get to the bottom of this? should online time be limited? (he is rarely on when i am home, but is on all the time when i am at work except when he calls me. he is also trying to start a new webpage, which i don't mind, i just think he should be concentrating more on us right now, instead of trying to creat a new page that is going to take hours and hours to build.(webpage has nothing to do with his job)<BR>i don't want anyone to get me wrong, i don't care that he gets on the computer or is creating a webpage (this is especially for you nolo) but i think the webpage can wait until we are more stable and computer time should be limited. <BR>sometimes i feel like i am overreacting but sometimes my gut tells me no. i feel like a complete idiot for all of the signs i should have seen. i hurt my H a lot like some of the other WS said they have been hurt by BS. i never meant to hurt H, because i truly love him but am still very much hurt by things that have happened. <P>please help. any input is helpful. i have learned a lot from reading posts here. thanks....bluegirl <BR>