Here is my story posted at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009860.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009860.html</A> <P>We met over the weekend and he now says he wants to TRY to work it out and save our marriage. He said he thought maybe divorce would be easier after all that has happened but he now realizes that he loves me and wants to try. HOWEVER, he also decided he really wants this new job in St. Louis. I know it is a good opportunity for him - a job he really wants and more money. He had to go ahead and go because training starts today and he is going to come home on the weekends until I make some decisions. Either way I feel like I lose. If I don't go then the rest of my life I will wonder about it and would have happened. If I do go I will be disappointed in myself in that after all he has done I would give up my life and move because he has a good opportunity. If things were normal then I would go for sure even though I would be happy about it. However, I have to see if I can forgive and trust him again. He has some serious issues to work through and now with the job this is on his front burner. I don't know what the right answer is. Any advice?<P>

From what you've written, it doesn't sound to me like he is taking your feelings into consideration at all. Did he even ask you if it was okay for him to take that job? Or did he just go ahead and do it? If that is the case, then perhaps that is part of the reason for the separation, so that he could make a decision on his own.<P>For you to go with him, what would you be missing out on from where you are now? I would suggest writing out one of those pros and cons lists, and see where that leaves you. <P>Now, you did say that if things were normal between you two, you would make the move without a problem. I totally understand the trusting again issue far too well (my WH is in the process of moving his things back in the house, and we've been in recovery for about one month now.. there's little trust to work with even now, and it's hard). But I imagine that this is the part where you have to make that leap of faith, if saving your marriage is what you truly want.<P>Let's say you DO go move with him to St Louis. Is there a way you can keep ties where you are now to have a place to come back to should things not work out? You have to protect yourself (but I think you already know that, or else this wouldn't be bothering you so much, right?).<P>But to do the move, you also have to feel comfortable enough to believe it is a good time to start rebuilding. There will always be doubts, but only you know whether or not the doubts you have right now will be a huge hinderance on rebuilding your marriage or not.<P>You have a really difficult situation on your hands. Don't feel too bad if you don't get too many responses... because if others on here are like I have been, we don't really know what to say.<P>I wish you the best of luck.. and keep on posting questions about it all. Hopefully you'll get responses that will make something click with you.<P>Karen<BR>

That is a hard situation. Ten years ago I moved with my husband and kids to another location to try to keep our marriage together. It turned out to be the worst decision of my life. He was still in the withdrawal stage of an affair. He was mean to me emotionally for about 2 years. It was hard because I left behind my support systems. My family lived far away and it was emotionally a difficult time. I made it through it, but not without it affecting my health and the health of my new baby. I learned a lot from that experience though and this time when my husband asked me to move when he started his airline career, I decided to stay where we have lived for 8 years. He is now in the midst of another affair and all I can say is thank God I followed my intuition. The support of my friends and co-workers has meant so much to me. I would have been miserable and by myself with the kids in a new situation. <BR> It is a tough choice though and I wish you the best. Keep in mind, if he is like my H, when he starts a new career or position, he devotes his whole attention on that. He may not be able to focus on persoal relationships.