okay, i'm just rambling here so bare with me. for those of you who don't know my story, it's under the post, "what is he thinking".<P>i haven't seen or spoken to h in two weeks until today because there were some financial issues that needed to be taken care of. anyway, the settlement is going to be delivered to him this week and for the most part, i'm still fine with going through with the divorce. i asked him if he'll sign the papers and he said no. and somewhere during our conversation he said he really liked hearing my voice. to be honest, i missed talking to him but there's something inside me that won't turn back. i've been trying to sort it out and i just can't put a finger on it. i thought about going back to a full blown plan A instead of a plan B. i mean if he's really reaching out for help to get out of this mess, maybe i could do it one last time. the only problem is, as i've said, there's something inside me that prevents me from doing it. has anyone experienced this type of emotional block?

Woo-hoo!!! Yippee! See what real friends do for you? <P>I don't know plan A has gotten you nowhere in (what was it 9 months?). I think you need to create a crisis (as Dobson says in Tough Love). Plan B is that crisis. <P>From what you've said it sounds like plan B will have a huge impact. Just my opinion. Plan A will probably just get you more pi**ed off and make you file. Unless you can handle the roller coaster, but from your last post it sounds like you can't take much more though.<P>You'll see him go up/down and up/down and you really won't get to work on yourself that much. Yes he'll have good days, but he'll also have bad days where he really hurts you. Can you handle it? <P>You will know when you are ready for plan B. I am just reading between the lines. It sounds like this one phone call may have given you false hope. If it's followed by 5-6 more phone calls just like it - okay - maybe you got me and plan A would do some good...<P>Until you make up your mind though, stick to a full-blown plan A. Don't be in limbo yourself. <P>I am glad to hear you are continuing to work on things! Good luck! Keep us posted, k?

Confused -<BR>"He missed your voice" - You got him. He will go through withdrawal, and depression, to come back. Be patient. He does not want to be where he is right now - he just doesn't know how to turn it around - and he knows he has to hurt one or the other.<P>Yippee - you are doing it girl.<P>Don't get upset if he regresses on you - just hang in there. aftershock<P>

Thats good right? That we were able to "get you"?<P> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Hmm, bump.. Where'd you go CP?

hi [H], i'm still here, even more confused. i don't think anyone's answered my question as to why i have this emotional block. any answers?

I think we ALL know why the emotional block, u have had enough pain to last a lifetime. H doesn't want to give up OW, but wants you to be on standy-by just incase. You can't continue to live your life as a stand-by and you shouldn't be expected to. I can't say if this is the right thing to do, only you know what you feel in your heart. Besides there are those that divorce only to find there way back to one another again. It has been known to happen.

Your afraid he's going to hurt you again.

confused,<BR>Your emotional block...I think it may be fear? When I had served D papers and my H then wanted to reconcile--our 7th attempt--I just didn't feel like I could do it. I felt I had given everything, lost everything, and made a sort of peace with it, and I had learned through the separations that my life without him could be ok. The thought of trying again seemed undoable.<P>But, when he did Plan A to me for a couple months, my final thought on it was...if he was sincere and we could make it, that still was the optimal outcome for us and our family. So, I stopped progress on the divorce, and once he showed me he was willng to be accountable while separated, we saw our counselor a few times, I gave it another shot...a 100% effort shot, with my H giving his own 100%.<P>We've been back together over a year now, and our life together is good. Trust is mostly back. And for example, last night he was upset with the kids...sports issues, but the vibes from him sent me straight back to the bad times. He looked at my expression--and given I was wearing a sunhat & sunglasses I don't know how much he could see--and said, "Lor it isn't you. I'm just upset with the lack of effort from the kids. You and me, we're fine."<P>So...having been somewhat where you are, I can tell you the marriage can recover. It takes a lot of effort and it takes 2, plus God, in my opinion. But I was very shaky on turning back the divorce. Probably the better things go, the more confidence you'll feel.<P>Maybe you could try an in between stage. Not living together, but spending a lot of time together for some weeks/months. You can always get divorced later.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

hi trying,<P>thanks for being open with that emotional block. in a way, it wasn't something i wanted to hear but i think you're right. which brings me back to my original post in "what is he thinking" where i wanted to call it quits. i am very hurt and feel like a doormat if i caved in now. he's taking my love (what's left of it) for granted, asking me to wait while he plays around. maybe it's pride and self-preservation but that emotional block is growing into mount everest for me. i try to rationalize staying and provide reasons for his actions so i can at least intellectualize and understand the situation better in hopes that there's something inside of me willing to hold off on the divorce. however, i think my heart's slowly coming to its senses. i'll sit on this for today and if i just can't shake the block, i'll have my lawyer send him his walking papers.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lor (Lor):<BR><B>Your emotional block...I think it may be fear? <P>Maybe you could try an in between stage. Not living together, but spending a lot of time together for some weeks/months. You can always get divorced later.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>yes, it could be fear compounded with a few other emotions. i don't want to get hurt again by the same guy. <P>lor, we haven't been living together since sept. he's been living with the ow since that time and spending a lot of time together is not an option. he only gives me the time of day when it's convenient for him, lunches or dinners. no weekends or long nights together. those are reserved for the ow. it's so stupid, i'm the wife yet i'm the one being treated like the ow. <P>you know, this treatment and his words are really getting to me. i'm going to stop for a while because i feel a full blown venting session coming on.<BR>

Your replies are why I think you need to go to plan B - not plan A or divorce papers.

confused,<BR>I didn't know that your H was living with the OW since Sept. <BR>It's true, that part of the reason I was able to get through the block is that even though we'd been separated 14 out of 21 months, and the former OW is a co-worker, the affair had been over for about 7 months, and my H truly did his best to Plan A *me*. Had that not both those things happened, I doubt we'd be together.<P>Just be sure that you are confident of your actions, that you have no regrets for the steps you take now. You can't control your H's unfortunate decisions/actions, only your own.<P>Take care.<BR>Lor