Hi,<P>I just made a mistake and I'm not sure how to rectify it...<P>I had a good weekend - spent a lot of time with my WH again, and we ended up being intimate together again last night. This evening he calls me and says that he's had an unsettling day - he went to the store to buy a new CD and bumped into OW at the checkout - they went and had coffee together and she says that things aren't working out with her husband. My WH said he was 'confused' again and asked me how I would react if he DID end up with her. Now, I understand that the OW is up and down like a yoyo and keeps changing her mind - so I have been trying to be very stable, to make a decision and stick to it. I wasn't expecting this question from my WH and didn't think before I answered. He was worried that I wouldn't want to speak to him again if he chose 'her'. I told him that I was prepared for this to happen, I had thought about it and was really kind of 'expecting' it to happen - then my stupid mouth said 'Of course I'll still talk to you, you're the father of our children'. I knew immediately that I'd said the wrong thing - because what I'd planned to do was go into Plan B straight away if this happened. Now if I go to plan B, it will look as though I'm the one who keeps changing my mind....<P>Suggestions please on how to put him straight about this - I don't want to 'warn' him about Plan B, I just wish I hadn't said that I'd still talk to him...<P>thanks, Paint.

Paint--<P>You will talk to him, if necessary, if there's an emergency regarding your children.<P>But other, personal chit chat, etc. will not occur.<P>He's knowing that you fulfill some of his EN's and he's worried you won't be there for him...which you won't in plan b...but you will be there for your children.<P>The difference is subtle, but it is there. Hope that helps you formulate how you put him straight on this.<P>Cali<P>

I don't know if you need to get out of this. Everyone that knows me thinks that it is wise to be "amicable for the kids". My wife thinks we'll always be like that. I've implied that we are like that, and it has been true.<P>Plan B will blow that illusion out of the water, but what they don't realize is what is behind Plan B. I asked this type of question on the board before, concerning the long term outcome of Plan B, if you don't reconcile, and the response is generally that by the time it follows the course, if you don't reconcile, you'll not have the love left anyway, so eventually you can be civil and communicate as required.<P>But at least it illustrates that the "just friends" thing for the sake of the kids isn't going to happen.<P>Anyway, I'm off topic, but I just think that there isn't a perfect response to the question you were asked. It is a foglined question, and if you were to say you will not talk to him, you are sort of not Plan Aing, but not Plan Bing.<P>Plan B itself will let him know what the true situation will be, and by that time he'll not focus on what you said today.<P>Just my 2 cents of ramble.

My H suggests a 44 Magnum for the situation, or a 45 and a game of Russian roulette, (automatic of course). <P>Don't worry about it. If you go to Plan B- well, I'd say that is hardly all he deserves for stringing you along on this train wreck of his. One inconsistency hardly is the end of the world.<P>She is yo-yo-ing about well, I want my H, no I want you...(ick). I doubt it'll be long before he sees she isn't leaving her H and he is playing the part of the fool, or just flat out being used. Your one inconsistent statement hardly compares. (Bake some more scones, ) Besides, just because you said that, doesn't make it right for him to screw around. You are going to be very justifiably angry and probably worse if it really happens.<P>

Paint:<P>You are human, your mouth moved before brain engaged.<P>Plan B is not a contradiction, it is just a statement that concretely expresses what you feel. As opposed to what you occasionally emote.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Yeah, don't worry about it. I mean, you haven't even DONE plan B yet, so don't dwell on what if's. It's not that big a deal I don't think. <P>Your plan B letter will explain why you are doing what you are doing. I don't think he'll be like "oh, she said she'd talk to me, now there's no chance we're getting back together." And if he does, it is just anger and fog-talk. <P>No big deal. You spoke before you thought about it. Oh well,it happens. Think of it this way, it's better than LBing!!

Did anyone ever tell you lot that you are the greatest bunch of friends a girl could ever have? Honestly - so many replies so quickly - I'm overwhelmed!<P>You're right - it's a minor slip, and nothing compared to what he's getting from her. I'm a natural born 'worrier' - I like to have all my solutions ready before the problem occurs...<P>I'm not quite 'on form' at the moment either - I think this 'fog' might be contagious I'm off to bed now (yes, I know it's only 8.44pm here), I need to get my brain working again!<P>Thankyou - and loads of hugs, Paint

If it were me I would say "I think I need to clarify what I said the other night." And then tell him how you truly feel. When my H first moved out and was deep in the fog he said to me "We will always be best friends, no matter what." ROFL! I told him "If we end up divorced we will never be "friends". I don't need friends who will rip my heart out and stomp on it. We wil have the bare minimum of contact in regards to our child and that will be the only contact we have." I was pregnant at the time with our first. That seemed to shake him up quite a bit. When I did try to eventually implement Plan B (which only lasted 3 days lol) he panicked. Afew weeks later he was home for good.

I don't think you need any damage control. But, next time, consider answering a question like this with, "I don't know."<P>The truth really is that you DON'T know. Plus, it gives the alien no assurance whatsoever - keeps you a mystery.<P>WAT

I agree with Fairydust. Tell husband that you feel that you you may need to clarify your answer the other day and that what you want him to know is that yes the two of you will talk but only as needed for the sake of the children or in case of an emergency. This way he knows that you will not be there to fulfill any EN he may have from you while he chooses to rip out your heart. Like worthatry stated it will keep you a mystery to the alien until the aliens return return to their own planet and return our loving spouses to us. <P>------------------<BR>Sometimes I think that I was meant to experience all the things that I have experienced in my life just so I could be ready to love and be loved.