okay, the moment of truth is drawing near. the papers will be ready by friday. now it's a question of whether i give it to him and call his bluff of not wanting to sign or hold off and thinking of alternative strategies. what to do?

I'm not in this position myself, but I would think if you are prepared to give him papers to sign, you should be prepared for him to sign them and for the consequences of that signing. JMHO.

Just my 2 cents..since I am having trouble right now with joint tenancy issues with my own father...<P>No one signs anything unless they are ready for the consequences...<P>I wont even sign an agreement to list my house, which is my fathers demand since I own 50% of my house.<P>That signature is very key, and also very hard to give if you are conflicted...

Confused -<BR>I really feel that you will look back years later and say "If I knew then what I know today", and regret that you did not give it some more time.<P>What happened about your post last night?<P>I feel bad this is happening to you. aftershock

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by after shock:<BR><B>I really feel that you will look back years later and say "If I knew then what I know today", and regret that you did not give it some more time.</B><P>okay, maybe i'm in a fog. please explain why i will regret getting a divorce from a man who wants me to wait for him until he decides he's done playing house with the ow? i'm going to be selfish here - what am i getting out of this? he isn't the man i married, he's a monster. it will take a great deal of work for him to change but he has to want that change for himself. it's easier for him to stay with someone who'll take him as he is now rather than work at making himself a different person. <P><BR><B>What happened about your post last night?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>maybe i'm just having a really bad day. i just cannot get over this block. i'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of giving him the papers and thus far, there are far more pros than cons. i'm well aware of the consequences if he signs, why else would i have taken the matter this far. with everything that's happened, everything he's said, the trust is broken completely.<P><BR>

Word of warning... I went to the attorney, got the papers, and waited to tell WH to be "sure that I was sure." Well, the Attorney filed the papers, WH found the filing on the internet in a fluke search of his records. Boy did the proverbial poop hit the fan that day!!!<P>My actions were certainly justified, but, to this day, five months later, WH reminds me that "YOU FILED."<P>Be sure this is what you want. It didn't work well for me--at all... this was a pre-MB move and a major LB for me. <P>A virtual hug and prayers for guidance are sent your way..<P>--The Hat

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Baseballhat:<BR><B>My actions were certainly justified, but, to this day, five months later, WH reminds me that "YOU FILED."</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>so are you back together with your h? did he leave the ow when he found out you filed?<P>i posted late last night on classic affair lines. i guess when i look back at all this i'm deeply hurt about what he's said and how he has acted.

The filing happened after the PA ended, but not before the ES anded (I didn't know this at the time). We are officially in "reconciliation" with the proceedings "on hold." His A is over (I got to the Ow-- her fog lifted quickly when I confronted her-- she called it all off). <P>WH is resentful that it is over, and he misses what he had with her (Golly, the fog can be resilient). Just last night he said to me, "Ya know, I guess, if I had to choose, I'd choose you. But since I didn't have the opportunity to choose..." Well, gee, thanks. What am I? Sloppy seconds? He got the kind of sex from her that he'd never get from me, and misses it. My attitude is that he never shoulda known that it existed-- cuz now he wouldn't be missing it. He doesn't seem to realize that expressing how "great she was" is incredibly hurtful. He actually tried to fix up a newly single male friend of ours with her "cuz she's soooo good." in front of me. The end of the A wzs not his choice, and he continues to remind me of that as well.<P>We have never separated, and are still together. I'm working hard to fill his ENs, even though I've not been properly informed as to what they actually are... so in many ways, I'm guessing. He says we're together forever, but there are still MANY issues to deal with. He is content to sweep the A under the rug and move on. I still want recognition, appreciation for sticking by him and an apology for hurting me and the kids.<P>I acted defensively by filing. He wouldn't have heard me if I'd talked or threatened beforehand. I needed to show him I'm no doormat. It kinda backfired, as his discovery of the filing became a weapon for him to use against me. He still, to a certain extent, feels that I just want out. This is not the case, and because of that, I feel badly about filing. But, it did get his attention. But the fog was/is too thick.<P>Today, I read something here that really struck me, even though I already knew it... I have not "told him what to do, drawn a line in the sand, or delivered an ultimatum." I have simply told him what I can tolerate, he can choose to abide -- or not. My tolerances haven't really changed (if anything, they've expanded). His behavior crossed the line defined by our vows. <P>Sorry this is so disjointed. I'm still sorting it out myself. Filing didn't end the A, my confronting the easy-to-get-through-to/rational-thinking Ow did. I still don't know if the filing caused real damage or not. All I know is I'm $2000 poorer for it and it acts as a sword against me at times.<P>Sorry I can't be more help... I'll try tho.<P>--The hat<P>