This is day 27 of Plan A! I have not had a nervous break down!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I am starting to get this. M WS is my H. I found out about A in Feb 01.<P>OK<BR>1. I have stopped waiting at the door (crying) for him to come home.<BR>2. I have stopped waiting by the phone (crying) for him to call.<BR>3. I have stopped following him around the house (crying) trying to find out why he didn't come home or phone.<BR>4. I have stopped grilling him about all incoming phone calls.<BR>5. I have stopped waiting for him to say "I love you".<BR>6. I am making plans with the kids and our vacation and starting to live normally again.<BR>7. I am starting to accept that whether he stays or go's I will be OK.<P>All that said, I still have this knot in my stomach that feels like I need a knife to cut it out. I can't seem to get rid of that. It is worst when H and I are not together. He will not talk about anything yet but I think that I can wait for that. He has pretty much withdrawn all forms of communication (he used to write me a note every morning to tell me what he needed done during the day and that has stopped).<P>How long should I wait before I try to talk to him about what has happened. I know 27 days is not a long time. I am thinking 3 months. I don't think that I should have to wait forever. Do I? What does everyone think of 3 months?<P>Cleo

Cleo:<P>From my own meetings with Steve Harley, it sounds like you are just at Day 1 in Plan A rather than Day 27. I'm struggling with many of the same issues, particularly a non-responsive WS. As long as you love this man, keep giving. At least this is what I am told. Keep doing the family things and don't pressure the WS. I love my W so much and can't understand what she is thinking now but I'm trying hard to demonstrate why she should stay married to me and why I am a good father. Best to you.<BR>SG

Cleo,<P>In reviewing your list, I would say that you are on your way to having a much "looser" knot in your stomach. In realizing and accepting those things, you will begin to have a certain calm about yoruself that your H will eventually notice. It takes a lot of strength, but you can do it. Counting the days will not be necessary eventually and you will gain a feel for when the is the right and wrong time to bring certain issues up.<BR>When you do talk to him remember to be calm and not react harshly to what he says even if he is still "in the fog". I had a couple of outbursts with my H and tell you that it did not go over well.<BR>3 months is a good goal to set for now. You will have chances along the way to reevaluate. Its just very hard to tell what will happen down the road.<P>take care,<BR>cleo