After I wrote my first question this morning, I have since found out my husband has refiled for divorce - just 3 days after he said he was letting his emotions rule his decision making. After 3 days of him telling me he was wrong and wanted to do right. His girlfriend spent the weekend with him - so that's why? What is going on here? Can or will our marriage be saved?<P>I am so hurt. I struggle to keep my emotions intack. I feel strongly that he really is messed up; but why does he allow this 25 year old run his life? Do you think he will ultimately go through with the divorce, sacrificing his wife of 18 years and children for her? And if he does, will they get married and make a lifelong committment? What have I done to deserve this? How can I go on? I am so hurt. I am trying to trust that God will provide for us. But I fear that this woman will harm both physically and mentally my children when he does have custody. I truly believe she is evil and only cares about herself. But my husband can't see it. Help!

You will not be able to make your H see anything negative about his OW right now. This is not the man you married, he is something else right now. Once you realize that you will understand not to take anything he says or does to heart! HARD to do, H&%$ YES! If he filed, let him know that this is not what you want, that you love him and want your marriage, but that you will let him go if that is what he wants. Going to him, begging, crying, bad-mouthing the OW will only make you look pathetic in his eyes. Yes you can fight for your marriage, but fight with your brain, not your heart for NOW. Keep reading/posting here and you will learn more and more.

It's OK - it's a Classic Mid-Life Crisis Fantasy Bubble Affair - No, it won't work, no way, and you have an excellent chance that he will come back to you. Those are FACTS, OK?, so believe me. <P>This situation is so ridiculous that it's difficult to understand WHY on earth so many seemingly logical, sensible men go through it (and they think us women have hormone problems!!!). When you begin to understand just how stupid they are being, you have to feel sorry for them in a way...<P>Worry not, Read 'Surviving an Affair' by Dr. Harley. Read everything on this website. Think of your husband as being temporarily insane (because that's what it is) - he's not capable of thinking straight, he's not capable of listening to any sort of advice whatsoever. What you have to do is be his 'lighthouse' - strong, steady, level-headed, calm, patient. It may take some time, but the chances are that he will come to his senses eventually, and will limp home feeling battered, bruised, ashamed, stupid and very sorry for himself. You need to be able to accept him back with grace when this happens. It may take weeks, it may take months - or maybe longer, but if you truly love him and want your relationship to work, then you can do this for him. You will most likely end up with an even better marriage than before <P>Read up on 'Plan A' and start there - welcome to Marriage Builders btw!<P>Best wishes, Paint.<BR>

P.S. - Some of the next things you are likely to hear from him are the following standard phrases...<P>"She's my soulmate"<BR>"It was meant to be/destiny"<BR>"I know we were meant to be together"<BR>"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"<P>Let me know if I'm right - bet I am!<P>Paint.