Hello all,<BR>in my last post (my heart hurts) someone suggested i start keeping a journal so that if things get better i can look and back and see how far we have come. We i ttok that advice and started my journal about a week ago and have ben writing in it all my feeling and hurts and angers.... the deepest stuff ive ever mentioned...... <BR>Anyhow its about 15 pages long and the last thing mentioned was the way he complained about dinner........that night after i wrote that H took it upon hisself to read the journal.... while i was doing something.<BR> H said to me... i otld you i was sorry about dinner........i knew then that he had read it.......i wasnt really that upset upset that he had read the journal but the fact that only thing he could comment on was the DINNER.............what about everything else i wrote abouth ow i was feeling and how i didnt think he was going to open up to me?????.............how sad that all he could comment on was dinner......<P>I dont know what to think H is a conflict avoider ive come to realize.... and he still gets depressed and wont tell me why......not to mention that he isnt posting here anymore...<P>i dont know where to go if he wont help me get there... i feel like he doesnt want to work on our marriage...... i feel like hes just here cause there is no where else to go.<BR>Any clues on how to get H to open would be appreciated...... along with any feedback on the journal issue.<BR>thanks all<BR>Love,<BR>LUV

Try not to feel so disheartened that H didn't comment on everything else you wrote. Most likely and I'm sure WS can testify to the fact that he didn't know WHAT TO SAY! Saying, I'm sorry you are in pain would make him feel stupid. Most likely reading it made him feel sick about himself and what he has done. He figures there are no words that he can say will make anything better.

He was wrong to read your journal - if it can't be completely private, then you're not going to be able to write your deepest thoughts in it. Trying2_4give has given you a good answer on your husbands comments....but in future I would either hide your journal, or buy a lockable file to keep it in. He's not doing a great job of building up your trust is he? <P>Paint.

Here's what I was told when my (then)H read my journal --<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006194.html" TARGET=_blank>He's Reading My Journal</A><P>Read it and weep...<P>RADICAL HONESTY means, NO PRIVACY -- at ALL.

Yep, total, radical honesty is the most liberating we've done in our marriage. It has set us free to be ourselves in every way with eachother.<P>Don't fight it. If you want your husband to open up to you and be honest with you. Then take the first step and be so with him. <P>Write what you feel you need to write for yourself. If he then reads it then he has the responsibility to respond appropriately to it. The things you wrote are things your husband needs to know. Perhaps your journal can be a way for you to communicate with him the things you do not feel safe saying in person. Or perhaps he will tire of reading them once he realizes that you are just thinking out loud. But don't hide anything from him. <P>IMHO of course<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I dont keep a journal at home. I just started to keep one on my computer at work.<P>But my response would be to go back to him and say I know that I said some things in my journal that you might view as hurtful would you like to talk about it?<P>This way you let him know he read the journal and if he has comments or questions you present the environment to encourage him to talk about your journal.