I well understand the importance of avoiding LBing, and now I face an odd dilemma. WH is (for the second time) absolutely insisting that we get a Legal Separation, as a one-year trial, with the possibility of moving to a D thereafter. The first time he did this was when his EA was moving to a PA, one year ago. He demanded first that we spend time apart, then demanded a divorce. He actually forced me to file...I can't believe I caved in and did that...I didn't want it at all, until this day believe we still have a chance to rebuild our M; but he threatened to take everything from me if I didn't (we have a joint project which involves my life's work; I have less control in it, but no less and probably more hard work and care invested in it). Truth was, he wanted a "no-fault" divorce, instigated by me, "on the record" so he could be "free and clear" to pursue a PA with OW. First response after D-day for PA (9/2000), "But, octavia, we were GETTING a DIVORCE!" Grrrrrr!!!<P>He then agreed to change it to a Legal Separation; shortly thereafter, he began asking me if we could try again. In spring, we put the D/Legal Sep. into "reconciliation." His fog was (and still is) very thick--he never quite gave OW up, and now the A is rearing its ugly head again. And H is demanding a Legal Sep. again. AND--as before, he wants me to do all the writing of the settlement, the figuring out of tax advantages, the filing, the talking with the lawyers, etc. etc.<P>Because of the joint project, the separation isn't going to be much of a real separation--H wants us to keep living in the same residences, in the U.S. and abroad for the project, just at "mostly not-overlapping times." And I am supposed to keep serving all my functions in the project. And we are supposed to stay in contact "for the work." Etc. So, it's a very "have his cake and eat it too" situation.<P>My question is, should I go ahead and agree to an "amicable" Legal Separation, since not agreeing is a major LB and would send H into orbit. As I write this, I feel as if I'm looking over my own shoulder in disbelief. It's like saying, H wants me to dig a grave for myself and hop in, should I do it so that he'll love me one day?!<P>The reason I am contemplating going along with it is that the situation now is so much like last year, and as soon as he "got what he wanted" (my accepting that he wanted a D), he didn't want it anymore. He has been very much like that, every time he takes a major step in pulling away, he backpedals big time. So I do think it is a real possibility that if we went ahead with the Legal Sep. and I was somehow able to turn it into an actual Plan B (i.e., let him feel what it's like to have me out of his life in as many ways as possible, given the work situ.), he just possibly might wake up a tad and seriously consider what giving up the M forever would be like.<P>On the other hand, if I resist now, that would probably drive him away more, perhaps permanently. Could I just say, I won't fight you on it, but if you want the case to be taken out of "reconciliation" and put on the dockets as a Legal Sep., you're going to have to be the one to do it? I tried suggesting this and he got all panicky. I think he really wants me to "go along" with this because it reduces his guilt (or so he thinks now) and because he couldn't face following through on this by himself.<P>Any and all suggestions would be most welcome, thanks, octavia99

I personally think that if he wants all this, let him pursue it.<P>Without knowing all your details, is there anything you can do besides continuing to work on the same project and crossing paths in the future, should you legally separate and perhaps have to go to Plan B?<P>How has your Plan A been?<BR>

O:<P>A sticky wicket, as the Brits say, because of the work situation.<P>But I do agree with the above: if he wants to pursue it, let him.<P>As far as your project, is there any way to protect your intellectual capital or time investment here? Give it some thought, perhaps even getting some legal input would help.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

One thing to keep in mind is that if YOU take the task of handling the Legal Separation, you may have more control over what it says. If he's stupid enough to let you deal with the lawyers, craft it in your favor.<P>Looking back at my own Legal Separation, I was dead set against it at the time my wife brought it up. Now, I'm glad I have it because I find it's much more to my advantage than to her's. The fog works both ways sometimes.<P>WAT

Thank you all for your responses.<P>Rick37--unfortunately we are going to be tied together through the work for some time; also, our field is very small, so even if we manage some day to split the project, we will run into each other; even worse, OW is his student (H is professor) and if their nauseating "soulmate" dream comes true, I'll have to endure seeing/hearing about both of them more or less forever--unless I change fields and give up my life's dream and all I worked for for the past decade. Gee, sorry, didn't mean to sound so bitter, I'm having a really bad day. Which leads me to your question re: my Plan A. Today, it stank. Prior to today, I had actually been doing pretty well with it. But obviously, not well enough, and I haven't been consistent enough. Also, I think I started Plan A too late..didn't know about SAA until four or five months after D-day, and didn't get onto this site until a couple of months after that.<P>STL-the stickiest of wickets indeed!..yes, I'm trying to figure out how to draft a settlement that will give me maximum protection, but it is going to be difficult to do that and not drive H further away, as one of the big issues for H is control. In other aspects of the M, even a request that he consider my interests/opinions is often interpreted by H as my trying to "control" him. From my point of view, he has always been attempting to control me, and on those occasions when I don't give in, he turns the tables and says I am trying to tell him what to do. That is one reason why I desperately wish we could just do a Plan B style physical separation now and leave the legal/contractual wrangling until later.<P>WAT--thanks, very good point. Actually, the first time around, another reason I relented and went ahead and filed, very, very much against my wishes, was that I feared he would go ahead and file anyway if I didn't. By demanding that I file and do all the work, he actually gave me the upper hand and I figured I might regret not taking advantage of that. Through reading things and talking with the lawyers, I was able to point out to him that a Legal Separation allowed me to continue on his insurance, which would save money (for at least the next two years, I have a small salary but no benefits through a grant to our project, and we both need me to continue doing the work the grant pays for). My goal was to put off D as long as possible, and I figured a Legal Sep. wouldn't be quite so final. He agreed, and later (as now) decided he liked it better than a D, as it gave him a chance to go back on his decision (he does admit at times that he really doesn't know what he wants).<P>Please, WAT, tell me more about your Legal Separation--did you do a Plan B before the Legal Sep. or was your W the first to suggest separating? How is it working out for you? Did she agree to many of your proposals/offers just to be "free"?? How do you feel about being legally separated? Is it like being in limbo or are you feeling more in control of your own life? Thanks in advance, octavia99

O,<BR>Instead of going for the legal separation put his world upside down, inside out etc...and file for a D.<BR>It will show him that you're not going to be walked on anymore and that you have decided to take a stand and say no...I'm better than this, and deserve better.<BR>When you, and if you decide to go this route include a hand written letter of a plan b...modified to fit your work situation. Include in it that if he wants a reconciliation the no contact rule with OW will be enforced and that if you find out after the fact about any contact that there will be NO chance of reconciliation.<BR>You've had enough - you have to make him realize that and what he's doing is killing you from the inside out.<BR>Good luck!<BR>-Wanting it to Work.

Dear Wanting it to Work, I've thought of this and brought it up to H at times. He knows I don't want that, though--but I see your point. One problem is that OW is his student, and just signed on for grad study, so No Contact isn't even an option. In fact, I first came on the MB when the decision by OW on whether to continue at the same university was in progress. I was going to intervene, but was counselled not to, and I understand why that wouldn't have helped my M in any event. All my options now seem equally unattractive.<P>I'm in a pretty bleak mood today, but I do appreciate the advice. Thanks, octavia99

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by octavia99:<BR><B>Please, WAT, tell me more about your Legal Separation--did you do a Plan B before the Legal Sep. or was your W the first to suggest separating? How is it working out for you? Did she agree to many of your proposals/offers just to be "free"?? How do you feel about being legally separated? Is it like being in limbo or are you feeling more in control of your own life?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OK, here goes.<P>I didn't even FIND MB until over a month after my wife moved out last August, so I didn't even know what Plan A and Plan B were (I'm still in Plan A). At that time, we hadn't done the legal separation yet, although my wife insisted on it from the moment she asked me to leave. Then she got pissed because I wouldn't leave. This meant I made her leave because I "made the rude decision NOT to leave." <P>"How is it working out for you?"<P>Well, we're still separated and no where close to reconciling. She refuses counseling and has never admitted the affair. I expect her to file any day - probably because it's been my rude decision NOT to file. She has not honored the share of our son's expenses she agreed to in the legal separation. I'll get this hook or crook during the divorce process.<P>"Did she agree to many of your proposals/offers just to be "free"??"<P>Her lawyer drew up the document based on a standard form. It was pretty straightforward. The only significant changes I made was to specify that I get to make the decision on whether to file taxes jointly or separately, and I get to maintain control of investments held by our son. I also added a stipulation that neither of us can have an opposite sex overnight guest when our son is with us. This purturbed her a bit. Of course, my motivation was to use this as a prevention for her to shack up with OM - it worked. When she asked why I wanted this, I said because I don't want <son> spending the night with you when you have your boyfriend around. She replied, "I would NEVER do anything like that to <son>!" <P>"How do you feel about being legally separated?"<P>Well, it wasn't my idea.<P>"Is it like being in limbo or are you feeling more in control of your own life?"<P>Yes and no. My feeling of being in limbo is based on not knowing what my wife really intends. I do have more control of my life, but not as much as I'd like with regards to my son.<P>WAT

Dear WAT, Thanks very much for your detailed response. Oh, yeah, I remember you had an amusing way of describing a not-at-all-amusing thing, your W's saying you were "forcing" her to leave...by you yourself not leaving. Ah, that wonderful fog.<P>Sorry to hear she isn't living up to her end of the bargain---from what I read and hear, that's pretty typical. I'm worried that my H won't follow the agreements in either a Legal Sep. or divorce. He's one of those "the rules don't apply to me"/"if they think they're entitled to it, let them come and try to get it from me" etc. types. Knowing that about him has made me seriously contemplate some pre-emptive safeguarding of data and things relating to the work.<P>Do you think one reason your W won't admit to an A is to protect her legal interests, even though these days, the courts supposedly don't place much weight on adultery when awarding settlements? Ah, and you have a child, so the issue of being a responsible parent might be undermined if she were to admit to an A. Did you bring it up in the Legal Sep. and/or will you for the D? I am trying to decide what to do in that regard...H compelled me to do the initial filing without grounds, so that is how it will proceed unless one of us re-files the papers (as opposed to take the case out of "reconciliation" status). The lawyer says I can mention the A in court if I want. I think she is thinking in terms of turning it into a contested D eventually, in which case the law office gets much more money than the low flat rate they agreed to when it was presented (at H's behest) as a simple, "amicable" parting. As far as I know, the best thing is to make a case based not on being "wronged" by the spouse, but rather by showing one's contributions to the M, and that it is the other spouse that insists on the sep./D. Oh, crud, I'm going to have to do more reading on this. Even if H were to foot the bills, there isn't enough money to pay for a really good lawyer. It's so exhausting and draining, the whole legal thing, isn't it? And you mentioned taxes...I cringe every time I think of the tax implications. H and I have complicated enough tax-filing as it is because of the out-of-country work...but being academics, we don't have the money to pay an accountant to do things. Sorry, I'm starting to whine now, aren't I?<P>H and I have no children, but in terms of doing a legal sep. or D, the joint project fills the role of child in terms of being a source of concern for both of us. Neither of us wants to see the project harmed; yet the project will necessarily be affected detrimentally if/when we split. Neither of us wants the other to have sole control over the future of the project. Most of the content of our settlement is going to end up being about the joint project and there is no template to follow, so it is going to be a nightmare. My biggest fear is that if the agreement about the project looks strange or incomprehensible to a judge, he'll refuse to "ratify" (or whatever judges do) the settlement and H will end up controlling everything.<P>Luckily, I had the idea of setting up the project as a 501c3 Not for Profit, so at least it is a legal entity and thus control of that and the funds associated with it can be negotiated (we had 0 assets until recently, but this spring, we received some--for us--substantial donations). Still, the university sponsorship and this big grant we have are controlled by H---the only way I can fight him if he decided to cut me out of it would be by making my case to the university and the grant agency (I have explored ways of doing this should it become necessary). The strongest 'card' I hold is that H is a prof. and the OW is his student and if the university were to find out, there would be all sorts of bad repercussions for H (and OW/student). Sometimes I think his fear of the power I have (I'm probably the only one that has proof of what's been going on, though a number of other people suspect) is the only reason he's even trying to "negotiate" with me.<P>I apologize for going on too long with this...it helps a lot to hear from other BS's who are dealing with similar problems. Do you think one day your W may think about things, admit what she's done...and maybe even be sorry for it, maybe even want to get back together with you and rebuild? Is it possible to hold onto--or rather, be open to that hope, while still moving on with your own life? Up until now, I've found it very difficult to keep any bit of hope alive without then feeling devastated by hope-crushing events or actions on the part of my H. I'm beginning to formulate a new mindset, thinking about my life w/o H and because of the joint work aspect, it's a huge overhaul. I'm not sure how or if I will be able to keep the door open for my H turning around and wanting to try again (he has see-sawed so many times, nothing is impossible) while going ahead with what I'll have to do to ensure that I can continue working on my part of the project.<P>I'll go back and read some of your posts to re-familiarize myself with your story...I do appreciate your time in answering my questions, many thanks!! octavia99

Octavia,<BR>You do have an enormous amount of power because of your knowledge of the affair and depending on your university policies H could probably lose his job over it - and possibly be so thoroughly blacklisted within your subfield that it would be difficult if not impossible for him to find a position elsewhere. You know this. He is in a position of authority over OW and every university sexual harrassment policy I am aware of disallows this kind of relationship - even if it is called consensual - because of the implied imbalance of power.<P>I am not suggesting you use this card. But... I am having a hard time seeing how you can preserve your rights without this getting ugly. And since the dynamics of your relationship with H seem to be such a power struggle it is even more difficult.<P>I think I would go ahead with the legal separation. I would lay out how the project will be split in a way that is fair to you and that you could live with if the separation became a divorce (in my state a legal separation can be turned into a divorce by notice from either party - is this the case for you?). Are there aspects of the project that could be split off and that you could eventually take on yourself - and maybe even get separate funding for and move to another institution?<P>Whatever you propose, I doubt your H will like it. Do not be intimidated. Suggest mediation if you feel you cannot stand up to him yourself. You do not need to threaten with exposing his relationship, but stand your ground girl! He has no leverage except over your heart. <P>I am so so sorry octavia. This sucks and it hits close to home for me. The best thing I read in your post was that you are developing a new mindset. Don't worry about pushing H away at this point, don't ask how he would react. Protect yourself. He is involved with OW and there is nothing you can do to get the marriage back while that is ongoing. From what I understand you have done plan A and done it well for sometime under excruciating circumstances. Your H has also wavered back and forth and nothing he is doing now - having taken on OW for what I imagine to be a lengthly graduate career - indicates any real commitment to you or the marriage. I don't say this to hurt you octavia - I speak out of experience and recognition because I myself spent so much time still focusing on H - when it was way beyond time to start focusing on me...<P>take care and be strong girl - and don't let any one (especially your H) tell you that being strong equals being "mean" or controlling. <P>Hugs,<BR>Starpony<BR>

Octavia:<P>WAT and Starpony gave excellent suggestions, etc. I did note the expression that you were "contemplating" protecting the project data.<P>You might want to consider making that a piority. Intellecutal property laws, etc. It is your life's work: protect it as you would a child--it is your brain child, as well, and as one of the parents, you should be protecting it. Divorces/separations, from my own experience, are rough on children.<P>Godspeed and my thoughts and prayers are with you,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by octavia99:<BR><B>Do you think one reason your W won't admit to an A is to protect her legal interests, even though these days, the courts supposedly don't place much weight on adultery when awarding settlements? Ah, and you have a child, so the issue of being a responsible parent might be undermined if she were to admit to an A. Did you bring it up in the Legal Sep. and/or will you for the D? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, I believe part of my wife's reluctance to admit the affair is for legal strategy associated with maintaining at least joint custody of our son. She was/is fogged up, but she's not completely stupid. Our separation does not mention adultery because, of course, "it wasn't occurring." For exactly the same legal strategy, I cannot say here what I intend to do.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by octavia99:<BR><B>Do you think one day your W may think about things, admit what she's done...and maybe even be sorry for it, maybe even want to get back together with you and rebuild?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I believe she has already thought about things and may even feel guilt, but I do not expect her to ever admit she did anything wrong because that would require an admission that she potentially harmed our son. This would require swallowing a HUGE slice of humble pie - too much for a perfectionist of her magnitude to do. Thus, rebuilding is equally unlikely.<P>Nonetheless, I maintain hope. I've read about too many recoveries from the brink - too many "I NEVER, NEVER imagined that we had a chance."<P>Regarding your trump card of spilling the beans on your H, starpony has an excellent analysis. Think of this as your nuclear weapon - if you have to use it, the world will end. I'm not saying don't use it, just be sure you want the results.<P>WAT <p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited June 29, 2001).]

Thank you all very much for the responses and the many valuable suggestions; I have a lot to weigh and consider now and I don't feel capable of making decisions of this magnitude without some outside, more objective input. It means a lot to me to hear from people who have wrestled with many of the same issues, I am very grateful to you all!!!<P>Starpony--your observations are astute. In many ways, this situation is a grand version of the power struggle that has existed within our M for a long time: H makes demands, I alternate between giving in to everything to try to make/keep him happy, and exploding when I've had too much. I need to find a middle ground--as they say in counseling lingo, how to be assertive without being aggressive. For a long time I tried to figure out which of us was the "dominant" person in the relationship...H thinks I try to control him, I know he tries to control me--how could we both be controlling each other? But that's what we've done I believe, responded to the demands of the other with demands, I suppose to offset the feeling of powerlessness that giving in (as opposed to doing something out of love) produces. So each of us feels bullied and unappreciated. And it goes on, whether we are physically together or apart, because we are still working together and remain mutually dependent.<P>Yes, in our state, the settlement drafted for the Legal Separation can be converted to a D settlement very simply. That is one thing that is causing angst for me--the Legal Sep. is supposed to be a "trial" separation, according to H, for a year (or more, he says, if we both want that), after which time if "either one of us" (says H) wants to convert it to a D, we'll do that. So...the document for the sep. must contain in it all the stipulations and protection I would need in the event it goes to a D. Yet to do that, I have to bring up many issues that I know will make H upset and contrary, which will reduce even further the already teensy, miniscule chance that H will change his mind and want to work on the M.<P>The problem is, I know (because we went through this exact scenario last summer) that H is thinking only of the short term, instant relief from feeling "trapped", yet drafting this document means we both have to think of the long term, and not just for the personal side, but (even more importantly) for the project. When I brought up ways in which we could "phase out" the joint aspects of the project and move toward establishing two independent projects, his first reaction was, "You're trying to steal everything from me!!" and "No--everything we've done, are doing, or that could be done as an extension of this project in the future belongs to ME!!" Hence my apprehension--according to this scenario, I either face working "for" him or under his control for the rest of what would be a miserable life (assuming we never patch things up with the M) OR giving up everything I've built up and worked for myself OR going into battle, which would probably result in the project as a whole suffering tremendously.<P>Now, in his better moments, H indicates a willingness to cooperate and help make it possible for me to keep doing the work I love and helped create. I want to believe that he's sincere, but he's always unrealistic on the details...he envisions being able to work together in harmony that we haven't yet been able to achieve, while I have to face two added burdens..the opportunities I've missed to build my own career (my choice, but I thought "forever" and "always" meant just that, so naively assumed we were a team and always would be..), plus, the spectre of the OW/student, whom H basically elevated over me last year at this time (he's since undone a bit of that..), being handed everything I helped create.<P>As for Plan A--the EA started no later than way back in 1999, it got serious and then turned into a PA by 2000, and I didn't even find SAA until early this year, got onto the MB forum in April. So...I missed a lot of opportunities to Plan A when it would've been much easier. And, though I've been good at it sometimes and better at it recently, I certainly haven't presented my best self consistently for any length of time. That's why I really regret having to move into a different, self-protecting mode now, just when I was FINALLY "getting" Plan A right.<P>As for OW continuing as his student--this was a tremendous blow to me, as I know it means he was never clear to her about ending the A, or at least had sent signals that she would continue to be "special" to him, even if "just" as a student. I do believe there is another issue involved though...the OW as student is important to my H in ways beyond the usual OW role. She is "proof" that he is a "good" professor, the first student for which he can claim, "See what a good professor I am!". He wrote down thoughts to this effect (the first thing I saw that woke me up to what was starting to happen) and I think giving up his "prize" student would be even harder for him than giving up his A. Also, she apparently laid a guilt trip on him, that he led her into the mess and that her career prospects shouldn't have to suffer because of it. So I don't really know to what extent the decision to remain his student was hers, and to what extent he encouraged it, explicitly or otherwise.<P>STL-yes, I used this analogy myself, project as child, saying we both care about what's best for it, neither of us wants to see it hurt, yet both of us know it will certainly suffer because of what's happening between us. Although we've managed to have a very productive season with great results, it has been in spite of the grave difficulties raised by our personal situation. And many aspects of the project have been and will be affected by what's transpiring. It is heartbreaking to see this wonderful thing we created together trembling at the epicenter of our M problems.<P>WAT--you have grasped the contradictions within my situation: I have a tremendous amount of power, but using it would be destructive. I love your analogy with nuclear weapons, very accurate! I know and H knows I have had the power to destroy much of what he cares about ever since he handed it to me by beginning a PA with a student. I don't want to do this though! Even at the most devastating part of this ordeal, I knew I couldn't do that to him. Sometimes I fantasized about it after he was particularly awful to me...but I could never even imagine what I'd feel like afterwards, it was too horrible to contemplate.<P>I worry, though, that some third party may drop the bomb, because others are "on" to them. There is also the possibility that OW/student may sour and decide to "ruin" H herself (something H apparently has worried about at times), in which case I would be in the odd position of being the only one able to prove that it was consensual (still wouldn't get H off the hook with the univ. though).<P>You wrote re: your W: "... I do not expect her to ever admit she did anything wrong because that would require an admission that she potentially harmed our son. This would require swallowing a HUGE slice of humble pie - too much for a perfectionist of her magnitude to do." Wow, I think the same may be true for my H, but with regard to our work. I hadn't thought about it that way, that by admitting the full effects of his A and subsequent demands for sep., etc., he would also be admitting how negatively it impacted everything we both care deeply about.<P>Glad to hear that you can maintain hope, while doing what you know is best for you and your son and getting on with your life. I hope and pray that I can get to that point some day soon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.<P>o99<p>[This message has been edited by octavia99 (edited June 29, 2001).]

o99<BR>I am glad to be able to share my thoughts with you. My H had (is still having) a similar affair which started in 1998. And he suffered all the dire outcomes you speculate (OW suicide threats, job loss, blacklisting, difficulty finding new employement, and more). We are in the final stages of our divorce. I did plan A and B and am healing due to my MB efforts in large part.<P>While I did not share in his work, I can relate to so much of what you say. At the same time I do not want to let my outcome taint your hopes or opportunities. At many points along the way our situation could have gone differently. But it never did. You can search my old posts, but many of them were wiped out in the great crash of 99.<P>I put out a call to some trusted oldtimers that I think might have some good insight for you..<P>Take care of yourself<BR>Starpony<P>If you think that e-mailing me might be of help please post your address and I will send mine along...

Dear Starpony, Thank you very much for your concern; I would be very interested in hearing about your situation. I did do a search, but found that you must've been writing well before the earliest accessible posts. I guess that's the "great crash" you spoke about.<P>Due to the "sensitive" nature of my situation, email would probably be the way to go, thank you for offering--as I noted in one of my posts to JL, I got panicky when the "media request" appeared on the board, as H and I are in a very small field and our identities would be easy to guess for those who know us or know of us. For that same reason, I am a bit paranoid and fear to post my email address on the slim chance that someone who knows me might see it (the addresses of all my accounts refer to proper names which figure prominently in our work). I assume you also are reluctant to post an email address on the board...maybe we could arrange an appted. time for one of us to post the address, the other one to see it, and then the address-poster could delete it immediately afterward? If this is too complicated, let me know and I'll set up a different internet-based account and use that. I've been meaning to do that for just this sort of thing but haven't gotten around to it.<P>Thanks again for bringing my plight to the attention of other "academic types" As I mentioned under your heading there, JL has helped me enormously--I was beginning to feel guilty for taking up so much of his time, but, wow, he really has insights that are uniquely appropriate to my complex situation.<P>Many thanks!! and I look forward to communicating further with you, o99 BTW, I'm still abroad until mid-July, so I log on at times out-of-sync with the US...

O99;<BR>I understand the sensitive nature of your situation and empathize with you and what I said wasn't meant to upset you. I hope you can come to a decision that will help you and give you the strength needed to get through this difficult time while still being able to conduct business in a professional and efficient manner.<BR>P.S...I noticed you were concerned about posting your e-mail account on the site...why not set up a yahoo account to keep things anonomous?<BR>W.I.T.W.