I've been reading and a part of this site sice Feb. I have been in plan A since then. Over these months my h. has told me he wants to work on our marriage and was breaking contact with ow. On Sunday I found out he was still having contact with her, when I thought we were on our way recovering our relationship was getting so much better. I blew up and packed the kids and left. He told me he met her 1 year ago and grew feelings for her and was having a hard time leaving her he still swears they have not had sex just emotional. Yesterday he came to see me and the kids and bring us back home said he didn't want to loose his family, I told him he has to choose me or her he said he would call her today and end it he knows he has a good wife and loves me and does not want to loose me but at the time when he met her he felt we were in a rut. What do you think, i don't trust him any ideas or any been in this spot. I am back home told my h I love him very much but can not be second anymore. Did I do the right thing. Also after he told me he would call her today he went right to sleep and said ok let's not talk about this anymore and I have not spoke to him yet today.

I don't think the first step is agreeing to NOT TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. When does he plan on doing a NO CONTACT letter/call? Will you be there? What agreements have you tried to make? Any counseling? What is he doing to reassure you that this time he is going to try?

It's quite common for the WS to go back and forth between their spouse and the OP. They're confused - very! Think of it as just a small step backwards that will have no effect on the final result - you have to keep focussed on the goal.<P>Yes, he should be writing a 'no contact' letter to the OP, so you need to talk to him about this - but try and do it without any love-busting. Also be aware that he will be going through withdrawal and will probably be more than a bit depressed and miserable for a few weeks.<P>Hang in there, you sound like you're doing a great job so far!<P>Paint.

Thanks for the reply here is an update h came home from work early yesterday quiet I could tell he was thinking I asked if he spoke with OW he said not today and she told him on Monday to go on with his life and let her get on with hers. I listened and said nothing. He called me this morning and told me he called her and told her it is over and it took him to long to build what he has we are married 17 years and he would be a fool to chuck it all away. She was upset and told him he is making this decision without leaving me and he put her in the middle and made her fall in love with him and she should have listened to her girlfriend and not wait around for a married man. Again I listened and told him I could see how she could love you you are a good man but she had to know the risk going into a relationship with a married man. He told me after all he has put me and the kids through this year he does not understand how I still love him I told him I never stopped loving him and want to keep working on repairing our marriage. He told me when he left for work today it was the first time he was able to think clear as to what he wanted and after the call to her he feels so relieved he does not have to try to make two people happy anymore just his family. I can't tell you how happy those words made me feel. Now I just have to keep working on the recovery and hope she does not contact him and if she does he will be strong. What do you think on that subject any ideas.<BR>Thanks again,<BR>PHK