Well, I'm waiting for the fallout...<P>Let me count my misdeeds.<BR>1. erased all new and old cell phone messages from OW. <P>2. Phone call to OW to tell her H and I still have sex. Oh, did I say I used his cell phone...she answered thinking it was him . "Hi baby..."<P>3. Phone call to OW...left message to tell her that I went to dr. and was 'clean' of STD's.<P>4. Phone call to OW...aren't you going to call me back? Maybe we could compare notes on H. ( I really was in rare form yesterday.)<P>5. Email to OW's friend who she used as an intermediary for emails ...friend would email my H to give him suggestions on how to 'be' with OW...what 'gifts' he might give her. Used my H's screen name for the email....<P>6. Yell, scream...tell him I have nothing to lose since he's leaving...why doesn't he just pack up and go. (response--"You don't tell me what to do." (Jeez, maybe I should tell him to file for divorce )<P>I kinda wonder if OW will answer phone when he calls from his cell now, or will she wonder if it's me. hmmmmm.<P><BR>"Hurricane" Cali<BR>

As I said to sadandalone earlier this morning;<P>YOU GO GIRL! <P>I am a man, but it sounds like he is getting exactly what he deserves....<P>When the fallout comes, just get an umbrella<p>[This message has been edited by freddyb (edited June 27, 2001).]

Cali:<P>And today is the eye of the storm. LBs to be sure ... but even the great Harley would say that we are prone to human foibles (take a bow, BTW, that was one H*LL of a fine day's work).<P>I am sure many are fulfilling their revenge fantasies through you. Rest assured that you inspire many.<P>Godspeed and prayers,<BR>STL

Your H may be too SCARED to react to your LB! He probably knows it was a long time coming, unless he is the typical WS and then be APPALLED by such BAD, MORALLY WRONG BEHAVIOR! If he says anything to the liking, just look at him smile, give a little giggle and WALK AWAY! He will know, that you have had enough!

Giggling at trying24give's advice, it is good! Oh, it's definitely time for B to start soon before you start to lose whatever good feelings you have left for him. It's June 27th, can't he get on with it? My goodness, you will deserve a medal of honor for making it through this month.<P>(I am secretly envious of your revenge too!!)<P>

LMAOOOOO..I AM HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER!!<P>OMG....Did you plan all this, or was it just a progressive trip in your head? I think this is a perfect time to start Plan B after your lil debotchery! And no doubt there will be fallout and it will be of the *HOW DARE YOU...* variety! The sweet thing is you can sit back and relax, and say, "Well, you weren't doing anything to save this marriage, so I thought it was about time I DID!!" (then do what trying 24give suggests..smile and wiggle and walk away)<P>I think what you did may be...LB...but what a way to go!!<P>*Out of our biggest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>YOU GO GIRL!!!<P>Trueheart

I just gotta chime in here:<P>THE GREAT CALI!!! YES!!<P>You given me some great vicarious satisfaction today. Especially the call about STD's. And telling him to file <P>You have got to feel healthier; don't you? I mean getting that out? And you really didn't hurt anyone... that's what was so great about. Just gave 'em a taste of truth.<P>You GO!<P>Ishy

Okay, give me a suggestion what I should do or what would you do?<P>The OW is in TOTAL LOVE w/ my H. I think he is too in a way but VERY confused. She gave him her horoscope that said she will run into someone who will be her long lost love and soul mate. She gave him a fortune that said he must make major changes in order to have satisfactory (probably meaning divorce) I know she had to have given my H the number to a divorce lawyer too. And now I found a card all about LOVE she gave him. Then she wrote, I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Heart and soul.<BR>Now I found a house key in my H's wallet. I was told this woman is VERy conquering with men. She HAS to win. Should I sue her for Alliation of Affection? <P>LOVEMESS

LoveMess,<BR>I'm probably not the one to ask...as you can tell from my post....at this point, I would probably pack his bags, gift wrap him and say...he's yours baby...good luck with his<BR>"I'm tired of you telling me what to do, I don't want to play house anymore, I will be better for everybody if I leave" self.<P>Remember, I have been doing this for two looonnnggg months...he has been threatening to move since d-day....Like I said in a previous post...I am at the end of my rope....<P>But in all honesty, you can probably go to an astrology site and print out a report with both your signs that would say favorable things about your partnership...that stuff generally says/reads what you want to read....I'd probably do that....<P><BR>Cali

What is with you people?<P>“Way to Lovebust!”<BR>“Way to destroy your chances of Marital recovery!”<BR>“Give it to him good, Cali!”<P>I just have one question for you, Cali... do you want your marriage, or not? If not; just divorce him, because that’s what you’re going to get with these actions you’re taking.<P>Now before anyone says it, yes... she’s right. What her H is doing is reprehensible. But reminding him of this is NOT going to save her marriage! You can yell and scream, Cali... you can call the OW and chew her out, telling her exactly what is truly going on, and you’ll be in the right the entire time. When you walk out of that courtroom divorced, you can hold your head up knowing you were right.<P>Or you can be happily married. In one of the many books on marital recovery I have read over the last few years, one of the authors says, “Being right is the booby prize.” (I’m sure someone will come up with who it was). So the question is... do you want the Booby Prize, or do you want The Grand Prize... a happy marriage with your H? <P>Sadly, your story is no more tragic than any number of those I have seen here in 2&1/2 years, but you’re handling it worse than anyone I think I’ve ever seen.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Cali, Cali, Cali - if you're gonna do this stuff (which I don't condone) at least to it all the way: tell OW you were positive for STD's - guess which one? Do this especially if you want to hurry up with the divorce.<P>Seriously, it feels good, I'm sure, but you take a step down from the moral high ground. Do you want to be right or married? I'll shut up now.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited June 27, 2001).]

WAT -<BR>FYI - a couple (I can't remember if it was here in Canada or somewhere in US) was convicted of some sort of crime for telling the H's OW that the W was HIV positive. Don't know the details - heard it on the news a few weeks ago. Couple has been put in jail!

You know what you are right, I didn't care. Today, still not sure if I care. <P>I don't even think I was right. I know I was wrong. <P>SnL would say it was my controller taking control and he would be right.<P>Do I want to be right or married? My H has not given me the slightest shred of hope that he wants to be married...I have lost my faith and my hope that he will change his mind. <P>What I want is for him to tell me he was wrong, that he really does love me. What I want is for him to touch me again like he used to. What I want is for him to kiss me for no reason at all.<P>I am on self-destruct. kaboom.

Ok, guys I'm sorry for the double posts, but someone doesn't check their scripts very throughly. Guess that when I hit the back button on my browser, I go back to the generation page and it generates the post again. I wonder if customer support is listening?<P>sorry, I'll try to remember that.<P>Ish<p>[This message has been edited by Ishmael (edited June 27, 2001).]

Well I was asked what was up with me, I'm going to say. I've read a lot of Cali's post's and I don't think she's been doing a terrible job. she's been doing a good job, but, as you can see, she's wayyyyy ready for Plan B.<P>Her problem is, her husband wouldn't let her get into the survival mode of Plan B, preserving her family and her sanity. And today, he paid a little for it.<P>I think she needed some encouragement. I felt, reading her other posts that she knew she was LBing big time. I believed and believe she just needs our support right now.<P>Sorry Cali, a) for talking about you in the 3rd person; b) for sounding defending, I know you can defend yourself.<P>And WhoDat, I honestly don't mean for this to be a "flame." You reminded everyone that "being right is the booby prize." that's a great line, I'm going to have to use it on my SIL. She's always telling me to blast my W with all her crimes.<P>I don't think any of us were betraying any of the MB principles here, we were simply showing support. WAT caught the best tone I think... <P>Ish

I don't think you are on self destruct at all - you are on self preservation! Go Kaboom baby - go Kaboom!

Good job Ish, WAT. The crux of it all.<P>Cali, it is hard to fight the good fight sometimes when your head is bloodied and no end or relief is in sight.<P>No one faults you for your outburst in that sense.<P>Perhaps it will not be as "horrible" as you might think. Maybe a bit of a breeze will blow through that WH's fog.<P>WhoDat: when the rope is frayed, you do not sever it and say, "Whaddaya know, she was right, it's frayed."<P>Instead you help reweave the rope, provide a second rope. Sometimes no advice in particular ... just a shout out: Hey Cali ... hang in there we're all rooting for you!"<P>Was it a huge LB? Sure. Fatal? Only time will tell. But she needed the vent, right or wrong. So lay off, she needs all the help she can get.<P>Godspeed and prayers, Cali<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 27, 2001).]

Cali, let me apologize as well in advance for also doing the third person thing... <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I've read a lot of Cali's post's and I don't think she's been doing a terrible job. she's been doing a good job, but, as you can see, she's wayyyyy ready for Plan B.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Had she done a decent Plan A, I would agree with you. But I think she said she delivered her Plan B letter after what... 3 weeks of Plan A? Even a <I>pristine</I> Plan A can’t work in that amount of time. Not to be second guessing, but from her posts I sincerely doubt it was pristine; there were likely a few (minor?) LoveBusters in there.<P>You really need a longer Plan A than that. I don’t think anyone can do a perfect Plan A; it just goes against human nature. But unless your Plan B has a foundation of a great Plan A, it’s merely a separation, and one the WS will look upon as a relief.<P>Especially if it is enacted as Cali has done today. I think it’s just as important to point out where someone is screwing up their chances for recovery as it is to give them support. Even moreso, as they can’t correct the errors they are making if everyone says, ‘Go Girl!” in the face of destructive behavior... no matter how “right” she may be.<P>... and I noticed K made a post today over on D/D, so I hope he’ll chime in here soon. (Yes... that’s a hint, K!)<P>Ps: Ishmael... I didn’t take it as a flame... I’ve gotten some pretty thick skin around these parts over the last few years.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Well Cali, <P>You know I was going to put in my 2 cents. You are getting many opinions of different sorts so here goes mine. <P>Did it make you feel better? If it did then just be prepared for the consquences. If it did not, plant your feet down and be prepared for the potential back lash. <P>Now, let me give you my opinion. Based on how you are feeling I can not blame you for your reaction. That is what it is a reaction. There is a relativity law about that but let's not be sceintists. <P>I sent OW an e-mail, I wrote her a letter, I made 1 phone call to her. I accidently dialed her number on H's cell phone. I answered H's cell phone when she called. Am I sorry for all those things? NO Did I live with the consequences? YES. Would I do it again? For me YES. Was my H mad? YES. Was OW mad? YES.<P>Hey but they were mad all the time at me anyway. So their 'madness' didn't carry much weight. Now I am not asking you to be stupid. You felt you needed to do that and you did. Will you do it again? Hm...... <P>NOTE: H blamed me for the e-mails and phone call. H mumbled something about him coming home sooner if I had not done those 'awful' things. Do I believe him? NO. Not really. I saw no evidence of him coming home on his own. In fact, for my H the nicer I was the meaner he got. <P>For me, this was a part of tough love that hurt and felt good in a sick sense. Yes, it was sick. I was dealing with 2 psyco sickos and did lower myself a bit. But not to their level completely. See they were slinging mud and poop, anything they could get their hands on even making up stuff (accusations, lies, etc.) to further justify their cause. <P>What my contact did was expose this and for this I am not sorry. However, I always advise caution when dealing at this level. It is dangerous and like plan B can back fire. You just need to know this and go in with a clear mind. There is no supporting OP supporting you on this one. Remember that. <P>Don't want to scare you. Just letting you know I understand. <P>L.<BR>

Responding to something above that was pecking away at the back of my mind:<P>WhoDat: Had she done a decent Plan A, I would agree with you. But I think she said she delivered her Plan B letter after what... 3 weeks of Plan A?<P>You did your Plan A, she did hers to, as far as I can tell, the best of her ability. Perfectly implemented? Perhaps not. But it was what she could do at the moment.<P>Three weeks can fly by when all is fun and roses: it can seem like 3 eternities when caught in a personal hell. You endured what you endured, Cali has endured what she can endure ... for the moment. Sanctimonious judgements do Cali no good at all. She's at where she's at today; perhaps, if we are collectively fortunate and wise enough, we can help Cali with tomorrow.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 27, 2001).]