I'm sure this is my last need for letter help. I had advice to not include the note to OM. I'm undecided.<P>I'm also worried the statement "...am willing to wait for her to give me the chance".... implies that I'll sit idly by and wait forever. Doesn't the letter sort of imply that time is running out?<P>-------------------------------------------<BR><OM>: I love <wife> with all my heart, and have never given up on our marriage. I miss my wife and am willing to wait for her to give me the chance to help her find happiness. If your parents would truly disown you if they knew of your relationship with a married mother of two children, then I do not understand why you continue this immoral behavior. I ask that you do the honorable thing. End your relationship with my wife, and stop confusing my children by spending time with them.<BR>------------------------------------<P>Any advice on these two issues appreciated. Don't worry, I'll stop posting so much.<P><BR>

<B>If your parents would truly disown you if they knew of your relationship with a married mother of two children, then I do not understand why you continue this immoral behavior. I ask that you do the honorable thing. End your relationship with my wife, and stop confusing my children by spending time with them</B><BR>I’d leave this out.<P><B>implies that I'll sit idly by and wait forever. Doesn't the letter sort of imply that time is running out?</B><BR>It does imply that, but the WS does not know when the time is up. Don’t let her know either. If you do, she may just play it out until your deadline.<P>When the time comes for you to divorce, you’ll know.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A><P>Keep posting as much as you need to. That is the purpose of this board.<p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited June 27, 2001).]

Rick:<P>Keep posting ... if you feel the need, brother, do like the Nike ad says: JUST DO IT.<P>As for your Plan B letter:<P><OM>: I love <wife> with all my heart, and have never given up on our marriage. I miss my wife and am willing to wait for her to give me the chance to help her find happiness. I ask that you do the honorable thing: end your relationship with my wife and let a shattered family reclaim their lives.<P>Prayers for you and your family,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Rick,<P>The purpose of a plan b letter is to protect your love and that of your family. What does that have to do with the OM? Leave him out of your letter. You have no love loss for him right?!?!? <P>As for waiting for her, I would rephrase more like that as of now, you have the strength to wait, a while. No date or time limit given and no guarantees. You must show the need to go on with your life in order to preserve your family. Daily routines, family decisions, watching your family grow and glow are important to you. While you want her to be there to share it with you, it is not fair to you and the children to put your lives on hold while she is out there wasting the best years of your lives. Life must go on. Time goes on and there is no one that can turn time back. Your children have their childhood only once. Is it fair to take that away from them? <P>Is that a bit of guilt? I think so but justified. <P>L.<BR>

Rick - you know I support the note to OM. Chris has a point on the "waiting" question. How 'bout this:<P>Instead of, "I miss my wife and am willing to wait for her to give me the chance to help her find happiness," how's this: "My children and I miss my wife and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to rebuild my family."<P>I'd even go one step further and send a copy to his parents.<P>OK, flame me!!!!!!!!!!<P>WAT

Thanks for the ideas thus far. I like the suggestions, and they'll help improve the letter.<P>WAT - although you know how I'd love to send a copy to his parents, I'm not going to do it. I think that would be more out of revenge than anything else, and I've got to stick to the plan. No flaming though! Thanks.

Rick:<P>WAT has a valid point to consider. It is not revenge. They have been culpable in permitting this A continuance. Give WAT's idea a thorough think-through.<P>Only you know the total situation, so that's why the "buck passing" <smile>.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Regarding the copy to parents, I think it would cause a real uproar, but based on what I know, I think I'd have to be watching my back, and I think it would REALLY pi** off my wife, so it might do more harm than good.<P>I can still do it down the road as a separate thing. I just fear that it doesn't belong as part of the Plan B love letter. It is something I've discussed for a long time, and WAT and I talk offline, so he knows very well my temptation.<P>So much to consider <p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited June 28, 2001).]

Rick37<P>I too, am worried about that statement, implying that we'll wait forever but since we don't really know how long we'll want to wait once we're in plan B I'd leave it as is.<P>I would not even mention his parents, as I doubt they would seriously take such a drastic stand against him in the end.<BR>It's probably an idle threat. And for those in the fog--they could probably care less what their parents think.<BR>I do like SeenTheLight's version.<P>I think you should send one to the OM so your feelings are known and there is no confusion that you don't really care about her anymore so they can live guilt free. He should know what he's done and how you feel.<P>I wouldn't send a copy to his parents.

One more thing...keep posting. I look forward to your posts!

Rick37,<P>Again, personally, I think that this is exclusively between you and your wife and that the relationship with this particular OM is of no consequence. He's a boy-toy and that relationship is not the issue. So why address it? Further, why would this panty-waist, Momma's-boy, ever do the honorable thing and terminate the relationship because you ask him to? Hell, he's dating a married woman. <P>But if you feel you must include it, then Seenthelight seems to almost have it nailed.<P>"I love <wife> with all my heart, and have never given up on our marriage. I miss my wife and am willing to wait for her to give me the chance to help her find happiness. Know that I will do everything in my power to rebuild our broken family."<P>

Managing (and others),<P>The thing that has driven my including OM related stuff is that I believe he was told that our marriage was mutually agreed to be over, even before she ever told me that she was unhappy and leaving.<P>He had limited relationship experience, so I think she probably said that we are legally separated, just living under the same roof till she gets her place, and that we will be divorced as soon as possible.<P>Being an idiot, he probably figured this means she was free and clear to date. Obviously didn't think that he could go into the public record as an adulterer, and is helping her to commit adultery, and probably has no idea that I want to save our marriage.<P>Or perhaps he is just a panty-waist, momma's boy, and the fact that she is married just doesn't matter. I got a kick out of your words to describe him.<P>I continue to monitor all the comments, and appreciate them.

Hi Rick,<P>Just my opinion, but I wouldn't send anything to the OM. Your issues are with your wife. There is potential for a big LB here too.<P>Some things can happen here; let's say you open communication with the OM, he may respond. What would that response be? Just imagine for a second the possible things he could say about you or your wife, I have my doubts that you would find any of them satisfactory, more likely highly aggravating. The potential here to push your buttons is huge, how would you respond to that? Things could very quickly spiral out of control.<P>Assume by some miracle, he ends it then. Your wife would then be in a situation like you, full of love in her heart trying to get him back. She'll be mad at you and burning a candle for him. Is that what you want? I think the best chance you have is for her to come to the realizations that you need her to, herself. As painful as that may be to wait for.<P>Just some thoughts, hang in there and all the best,

It is obviously very important to you that you make the OM know that you are not in agreeance to your W's 'alien abduction'. For your own peace of mind, I believe that you should write him that little extra note.. but do it in your own handwriting (assuming the other copies will be typewritten). <P>I like what Managing wrote.. but how about this? Instead of using the term 'willing to wait', how about using "waiting". To me that sounds more firm and current, and doesn't imply any time frame.<P>Any idea of the big day yet? Just curious.<P>Karen

Thanks for the additional advice and thoughts. Things will be finalized shortly, and I'll be moving forward into this new phase. Goodness knows what it will bring, but it is something that I have to do. Can't go on under the grand illusion and status quo anymore.<P>I won't say exactly when this will happen, but my vacation starts next Friday, and it must be before that. I have a plan but don't want to announce it publicly because then if I postponed it for some reason, I'd feel like an idiot.<P>My MB friends will be the first to know.<P>I appreciate all the time you've all spent helping my numerous Plan B posts and questions, as well as all the other regular posts.<BR>

Rick,<P>I don't see anything wrong with that final phrase and fail to see how it implies time is running out. In essence, you are telling the OP that you do not intend to give up.<P>As far as including a copy and a note to the OP, Steve Harley explained this to me. He said that as much as your WS lies and keeps things from you, you would be surprised to find out that she or he does not tell the OP some things on the level as well. Sometimes they are critical things. This letter should start both of them thinking.<P>Incidently, I responded to you a couple of days ago about this note you wrote to the OP. I love the part where you ask the OP to "do the honorable thing and stop confusing my children by spending time with them". I wish I had used that in my first attempt at Plan B and am really thinking about including it in my second attempt. I just wondered if you are counseling with Steve Harley and have run that part by him. It almost sounds like you are trying to straighten the OP out.<P>Just a thought. I'm no expert.

Rick:<P>Just as others appreciate the time and energy you devote to them.<P>Tomorrow a new day dawns, and with it 86,400 new possibilities.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Always Hopeful,<P>I did not run that exact phrase by Steve. I talked to him about 3 weeks ago, mostly about my letter and the status of things. It has changed a bit since then. I believe I did have in it, a statement quite similar to this, and he did not suggest I change it. I must admit though, that I don't have a copy of the exact one I sent him. If I had time, I'd run it by him again, but I can't get an appointment before I plan on going to Plan B.<P>I am currently thinking of not including it, because I do have OM statements there already, and it almost implies the same thing. Just copying him on it is essentially what I want to accomplish, so he at least sees that our split was in no way mutual, and I have remained committed to our marriage.<P>STL: Thanks. You are posting alot now, and you can rest assured that you make a difference for alot of people.

I concur with Chris123 wholeheartedly