ok, didn't mean to scare anyone---NO I haven't gone back to MM or had any contact with him, but I'm not going to lie the thought HAS crossed my mind several times. What I'm talking about is E. (my cop friend). Today, I talked to him before he had to go to work tonight and he asked me to call him at home when he came home for lunch this evening. I said ok. But then, my ex fiance called this evening and we talked for 3 hours about old times and how distance was the major factor in us not being together. He's got about a month left in the army and already has a job lined up that pays almost 30 dollars an hour...but it's in Wyoming. I'm in NC---still the distance thing. He was talking about coming to get me and would I live with him in Wyoming ( he wasn't talking about getting married, just living with him). I said that I would think about it, but I don't think I would leave school again to go that far without a major commitment. Even when we were engaged, I left school because we were supposed to get married and things didn't work out and it took me a year of working HARD to get back into school---they have this wierd thing where if they give you money for school and you withdraw they want you to pay it back before you can go back . ANYWAY, while I was talking to him, I missed the time that I was supposed to call E back but I didn't care because I LOVE talking to my ex. When I called him all stressed out about E being mad at me, he was concerned if I was ok and made me laugh and feel better about myself. Today when we taalked, he kept bringing up E. and said he wasn't afraid to whoop a cop's a$$ and take me to Wyoming. . But as soon as I got off the phone with him I called E and he was already gone back to work. So I layed down and had just drifted off to sleep, I was really tired and had wanted to take a nap all afternoon but always had SOMETHING to do that prevented it, and E called me and asked me if I could be at his house when he got off of work. As sleepy as I was, I said YES and got up to drive an hour to go see him. I got there before he did because something happened right after he called and a suspect was aprehended and he had to take care of it. He walked in in his shirt, tie, and slacks ( he's a Captain/Detective now and I was used to seeing him in uniform) and his badge and gun and I thought he just looked SOOOO sexy. It was like I hadn't even talked to my ex today.Even MM hasn't affected me the way E has and even though my HEAD knows he's not the best choice for me because he has so much baggage, the rest of me just doesn't want to see that. WHY can't I just say no?!?! It's 230am EST and I'm just getting back from seeing him and I have to get up at 6 and drive an hour to school. He wanted me to stay the whole night and said when he asked me to come down that late he thought I knew that's what he wanted but I didn't even think about it and didn't bring my stuff for school. WHY do I continue to set myself up for failure? I'm beginning to think I really do need some sort of counseling, but I know they don't look to favorably on that kind of stuff when you apply for a job as a police officer and that is what I'm going to school for --Criminal Justice. I guess I'm hoping that I can gain the help and understanding I need here rathr than formal counseling and have it show up on a background check.

I think I missed it. Failure of what? realtionships? school?<BR>

Failure of relationships, not school. When I say, "set myself up for failure" I mean that I put myself or allow myself to get into relationships that I know may possibly or basically inevitably hurt me (emotionally)in the long run, but I like to feel good for the moment. I mean, when I'm with someone and they seem like they care about me and I'm getting attention, I feel euphoric, but in the back of my mind, I'm always wondering, "ok, how long is THIS going to last? When will this one go sour?" It's not that my parents didn't show me love when I was growing up, and continue to show me now, I just don't know what is wrong with me.

NTWL:<P>A combination of fog and chemicals (that feel good at the moment thing you were talking about). You were in that condition with MM, and it has spilled over into this relationship.<P>A convent might be too drastic, but you should be thinking of some sort of hiatus, particularly in the types of relationships you've had.<P>So back up, regroup, and then go forward. As far as the counseling is concerned, that is confidential information they need not be privy to. In fact, many police officers see counselors regularly due to the stresses of the job, it is not a detriment: just a way to maintain sanity in a very unsane business. So, by all means, seek counseling: it beats this behavior recurring ad infinitum.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 28, 2001).]

UMMMMMMMMM what is it you are trying to BUILD or save or whatever, You are not wiht a MM anymore, YOU are not married and your E is single right. NOt meaning to be rude, but why are you in this site?? <BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Maine,<BR>you DO sound rude. I came hear initially to gain the strength and support I needed to get out of an Affair. I LIKE most of the people who have responded to my posts and find their advice and encouragement invaluable...THAT is why I continue to post here. I'm trying to BUILD "ME" up again. If you have such a hard time dealing with OW's, xOW's, or anyone who is not a BS posting, then just don't read, or at least not reply to the posts. Problem solved.

WEAKESTLINK, First of all, it is not my concern as to whether you LIKE me or NOT. I am not in this Site to BE YOUR FRIEND. And as for RUDE, your reply was oozing in it. I did not post mine to be rude, it was a simple question to get a better understanding of what suppport you are seeking. I have NO issues with any OW OP Or XO anything in here. I read what i want to reply to what i want to. I do have an issue with some OP's trying to get validation for their parts in their affairs and i will continue to state that. In this board as in REAL life, i do not agree wiht stepping outside a marriage. No not assume to read a TONE in my posts, i did state i did not mean it to sound rude. I am blunt and do not sugar coat much. SO if you cannot HANDLE a simple question without having to POST a rude return then i suggest you find another place to spew your attitude at because i will reply to it. I handle this site very well thank you and I do not believe i stated that i am HAVING a problem. NOW again my point it if you are away from the MM and your E is single what is the issue?? I would think that would be a great thing for you. Now you go and WORK on your self and you might want to try those people skills first okay.<BR>maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Weak, from all of your post your emotional life seem like nothing but constant DRAMA! You say that you ended w/MM but then you go to another board, asking if they think MM will still make time for you due to the arrival of his new child that was just born, (if FOGGED OUT wasn't you then I apologize, but your stories are too similar)! Then you tell us that your divorced cop friend is having BABY MOMMA DRAMA, got back together w/her, now it is off again, but he is thinking about getting back together w/his ex-wife, then calls u in the middle of the night for a booty-call and u drove an hour to get there! WHAT!?? I think you r correct when you say you put yourself in unhealthy relationship drama's and you really need to take a step back and try to find out why. Maybe counseling would be a start.

Maine, you keep asking the question "why are you here?" when I have already stated why I am still here. It seems as if you believe if I'm not a BS then I shouldn't be here. Is this NOT a general question board? And all of my posts up until that point have been very cordial and I'm sorry if you got mad when I got blunt, but if I'm already questioning myself and what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, I don't need YOU to add fuel to the fire. Everyone else who has replied to me has done so with advice and/or encouragement and replied to what was written in the post, not asking, "why are you here?" And just as you will, I will post and reply when I want, where I want, even if YOU don't understand why I'm here. I never said you were here to be my friend but what I am saying is that if you can't understand from my posts, and from my explanation of why I am still here, then you obviously couldn't do much to help me (which is the purpose of these boards) so there really is no need for you to respond.<P>Trying,<BR>I'm sorry but I haven't been to any other boards posting about MM making time for me after his baby was born. I'M the one who ended this thing before the baby even got here. I KNOW there is mad drama in my relationships, which is why I come here...to gain insight from people on the outside looking in.

NTWL,<P>I think I may have suggested this way back, but do you think you are attracted to men that you know will not be able to committ? I'm not saying that you do it consciously but is it possible? The relationships you describe are with men who can not fully committ to you. Unless E has solved the mother of baby problem lately.<P>I think what Maine was trying to ask you is why are you on the infidelity board still. This is the General Questions section of the Infedelity boards.<BR>You could try the Emotional Needs board to see if you may gain insight into what is going on with you. <BR>I'd be glad to help either way.<P>cleo

thanks cleopatra. I think that maybe you are right. Maybe I do subconsiously go to men I know not to expect too much from thinking that I won't get hurt if I already know they have other issues. But even THAT doesn't seem to work, because I still hurt, just not as much as when I gave my all to someone and was in turn betrayed. Last night around 1030pm EST I called E and as I always do when I call someone, I said, "are you busy?" and his reply was yeah. But I'll call you back later" I said ok and hung up but I immediately thought that he had baby mama over there. I talked to him today and he was WORKING last night and when he said he was busy, he was just about to go out on a call. He said he was going to the beach today with some friends. If I hadn't heard his brother in the background asking if I had some friends and if we wanted to go, then I would have been suspicious but I have to work tonight so I can't go. So I asked him if he was taking K (baby mama) w/ him and he said NOOOOO. I'm am done with that headache. Point is, he still SAYS he's not with her. I'm running late for work but I'll post later.

Cleo thank you , what you said is exactly what i meant. She has NO mm she has A single guy. I do not mean her any harm, but my question was what SUPPORT was she looking for? Emotional what. I am in this section as a BS, i do not go to the divorced side or the Child side because that is not my area.<BR>NOW WEAkest LINK, I have responed with support in a post to you before. I again am not being RUDE. you made an assuption to my tone, and as for blunt sweetie i can take blunt, you were flat out rude. I would have loved nothing more than to offer you anything, you are not open to accepting it from me. There is a place specifically geared to help your EMOTIONAL NEEDS!! I did not call you names or call you a bad person , all i did was ask you WHY YOU WERE HERE and WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT you WERE LOOKING FOR? So stop trying to bait me ok. You may post or do whatever you want to , you are an adult. Again it is not my personal quest to be rude to you , you seem to take me that way and for that well, try to be more understanding before you jump to conclusions.<BR> YOU stated that i seem to think that if you are not a BS then i feel you should not be here, again an assumption, and where do i state that? MY position on that is , I will support anyone OP,OW,BS as long as you do not seem to need validation for your BAD CHOICE, I have a dear friend that is right now having an affair with a married man, i will not validate her actions, nor will i tear her apart for it. So where am i showing you that kind of attitude. If you mean i feel that you do not belong on this board, again not my choice to make, as i see you i see a woman that is successfully out of her affair, and has a single man she is involved with who also has issues. There fore i am not seeing you as a OW. I was not tearing you apart for your decisions in your life either. you made mistakes get over it ok. SO stop thinking i am out to get you or not wanting to feel your pain. The only pain i get to feel is that in my life, which is rare at this moment. <BR>MAINE

Not the Weakest Link/Too Weak:<P>This is probably carry-over from my post to Humblefish ... but what I said there is equally true here.<P>So I will be blunt and honest:<P>Your contributions helping to understand the perspectives of the OW were appreciated. However, your constant posting here regarding a single person's relationships are not appropriate to a Marriage Building site. There are many online resources more suited to your needs. In addition, you are taking away valuable time and energy from those who need it most: BS's and WS's trying to rebuild their marriages.<P>As I posted earlier: go seek professional help for your inability to appropriately set boundaries in your relationships with men. You are young: hopefully you will learn.<P>But the bottom line is this: at some point, when their contributions become counter-productive to the stated goals of this site, OP eventually wear out their welcome.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL all i can say is AMEN and i agree<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Hey, I have a GREAT idea...why doesn't humble fish and not the weakest link get together. They sound like they would be such great friends. They have so much in common...such great actresses!

Seen The Light...we must be on the same wave lengths. I didn't read your post till I posted mine. I agree totally with you!

Are any of the soaps currently hiring?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I was just thinking maybe "The Young and The Restless". I think it fits perfectly. I'm sure they would be hired in an instant.

watch it guys she might slam you for being to rude and not SUPPORTING her, like she did me. SEE there missing link that was rude, I will say pennace for it, but it felt good. <BR>Maine

Weak, you stated that it was not you on the OW board asking for advice, ok, my bad, i guess there is another woman who just happened to post on the same day you told us OM's wife had her baby and then the same story popped up on another board, could happen. I will not say u r not welcomed here, but I don't honestly know what it is you are looking for. You state to gain insight from people on the outside looking in. What people? You say you are not an OW anymore so looking for other perspective of WHAT? You know what this board is for, hint the name MARRIAGEBUILDERS. Everyone here has told you that you have some serious relationship issues. You say that E (cop) denies being in relationship with his baby's momma. But what about when he told you he was thinking of going back to his ex-wife? If he is thinking about going back to his ex-wife then that tells you he is seeing his ex-wife. I doubt very seriously that this is something that just popped into his head like, HEY I WONDER IF I SHOULD GO BACK TO MY EX-WIFE, EVEN THOUGH ME AND THE EX HAVEN'T HAD ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, INTIMATE OR OTHERWISE, I THINK THAT IS WHAT I SHOULD DO! HELLOOOOOOO, that is a hint and a half for you that he is seeing his x-wife again! He is keeping you on the sidelines to fill in some down time or if things don't go well with the ex. So instead of asking about his baby's momma, why don't u find out what's up with the ex-wife. Why would he be thinking of going back, if they are JUST DIVORCED. Come on now, it is time to open your eyes now. Better yet, cut this one lose too, it is going no where.