D-Day was May 12th, W and I have stayed together the whole time. Plan A up the A$$. It has been EXTREMELY hard, but I have felt that things were working out finally.<P> To my knowledge OM (original man) has not been in the picture for at least 3 months. W has said she was through with him.<P> Possible new problem is a new OM. He semi works with my wife at the school. Meaning he is in charge of transportation(buses, other school vehicles, drivers). Well my W has been up until this school year a part time bus driver. <P> Just prior to the end of last school year she informs me that she is going to start driving on a full time basis this year(on top of her normal teaching job). I told her I did not like it but would not stop her if that is what she wanted. <P> To make a long story short...Wife has been going on little drives with this new OM. She tells me it is all about her bus route, which I try to believe. However she is also going in 'before' her route begins and 'after' her route ends, under the excuse of telling how the daily route went or some such excuse. However W is supposedly the only driver who does this. And on the occasions when she lets my children ride along, she finds reasons for them to NOT be present during any of their discussions. She sends them to the car, or tells them to sweep the bus, or anything to get them to leave the office. <P> She, also, does not want to take the kids anywhere she goes be it the Grocery store, Wal-Mart, Laundramat, etc. Does not matter where. If I ask her to take them along she accuses me of spying on her and keeps saying I have to start trusting her again!!! Yeah f**king right!!!<P> This is the exact behavior she put forth when she was having an A with the original OM. WHAT THE F**K AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK???<P> (edited: inapproiate content. sorry to those who read this before I edited it. jd)<BR> <BR> Someone slap some sense into me PLEASE> <P> <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 18, 2001).]

<I><B>WHAP!</B></I><P>There, did that do it? Dude, man, take a deeeep breath. Are you actually going to let her control your emotions like this? And even so, are you going to let your own emotions control you like this? No way, man! If she insists on screwing around, then take control of the only thing you CAN control - and that is you. You make yourself the best man you can be and if that's not good enough for her, then that's too bad for her. <P>Honestly, man, if you've really Plan A's up the @$$, as you say, and she still is still creating relationships with other guys, then you've done all you could! But are you sure you've done all you could? Are you sure you've reassured her that any problems prior to her A have been permanently solved? You've got live for the rest of your life with this decision, so think it through. If there is a chance you haven't quite done all you could, then maybe even this second stab to the heart deserves another chance. But if you can say, without a doubt, deep in your heart, that you've done all you could, and this behavior continues, then it might be time for her to see how life would be like without you. Nothing too permanent like a Divorce or even legal separation - just write a Plan B letter and go with it. <P>Just my opinion. Others might say to Plan A some more. And if you still have unresolved issues, maybe that's not such a bad idea.

Yeah, I thought about plan B. The truth of it is I am scared to death. More so than I have ever been about anything. I mean I truly am this mentally tough SOB normally. Things roll right off, thick skinned. But the thought of D, Plan B, any other kind of split turns me into a sniveling kid.<P> I am 'sure' that I have made MANY changes for the better, about myself. Have I done everything? No. But, I continue to work on it daily. I really do want to be the best person I can be for myself and my W and kids. So I do keep at it.<P> These new developments are really getting to me though. If there is something going on with someone else, all I can think of is revenge. (Not exactly the Christian Way) <P> I guess I just need to rant and rave and hope that gets me through this. I am affraid I did do some LBing today. Man that pisses me off even more. I was doing so good, I thought. <P> I told W that she could not have any man friends. Gave her the ultimatum. Told her it was male friends or marriage. I screwed it up big time. Wish I could reverse this whole damn day. It was how I felt at the time I said it. But I know it is not true. Thing is I don't mind her having male friends. Just don't make me and the kids second to them.<P> @^#^%$*^% What a day. <P>

Hi jdmac1,<P>Did you read the writeup on Plan B? Is it scarier than where you are emotionally right now?<P>Here is the thread:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html</A> <P>AFter reading this, try writing down your fears of plan B. Make sure you understand the purpose and consequences of this. It is not an evil plan, it is designed to help you. You Ws can be helped, if they are willing to allow themselvse to be helped. Plan B will reduce some of the hurt being sent your way and in turn reduce your anger level. <P>L.<P>

Bump....

Thanks Orchid,<P> Feeling kind of worthless today. Some what of an explanation under the thread to Godlyman. <P> I am better now. I did re-read the thread you posted above. thank you very much. Please forgive my post earlier today. I was able to control myself. Don't know what tomorrow will bring but none of us do right? <P> Thanks very much for your reply. If I get like that again please feel free to bring me back to reality. God Bless<P> jdmac1

No probab. That's what friends are for..... <P>Take Care, <BR>L.

I wanted to bring this back up, since Faith1 pointed it out to me (Wish I could recieve notification on posts I reply to, like when you make a new thread!)<P>jdmac, we all make mistakes, and making that ultimatum is just an example of acting before thinking. I've done it too. All toooo often! But I've learned not to make rash decisions when my wife does something stupid. I give myself a day to think about it, first. Then I'll approach her, if at all. <P>My wife is driving me up the wall with her flirtatiousness, as well. I want to make the same ultimatum, stop flirting with your guy friends, or you're out. Or at least freaking include me when you talk to them and don't go getting intimate with them behind my back!<P>But there is a reason our wives are doing this - and for me to just bail out now would be hard to live with. I want to find out why she does what she does. I want to make myself all she ever wants and needs. And if she still feels like she needs to go flirt with danger, then maybe she doesn't want or need me.<P>You've found the right place, though. I've gotten plenty of slaps myself (thanks, K) and you'll probably be slapping a few other BSes around here into sense. We all need it.<P>Email me if you'd like - aragorn747@aol.com and keep in touch, k?

Dear jdmac1,<P>I agree with your suspicions. You are not stupid. My special needs twins have ridden school district buses for 3 years and have had different drivers for fall and summer. They also attended different schools for 2 of the 3 years that they have been riding altogether. This means that we have seen many, many bus drivers come and go. Not once have any of them, when verifying their routes, driven with a dispatcher or transportation administrator on board...not even once. Hmmm... I could see if she is a substitute driver, you know, how she would need extra time to figure out where she was traveling. But once the routes are established, it's routine for the remainder of the school year.<P>I'm not trying to accuse your wife of lying, just verifying that your suspicions would raise an eyebrow of mine--or two! Especially if you are familiar with her patterns of behavior due to past experience. How are things going now?<P>Not to worry about losing it. We shouldn't have to force ourselves to "try to believe" in our spouses' words, but when someone has proven that their wedding vows mean nothing--what's a person to do?? We're only human. Pray and trust God before you act is all I can say. That works in any situation...