My threads so you can review my story so far.<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011147.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011147.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011266.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011266.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011209.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011209.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003638.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003638.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003687.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003687.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011115.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011115.html</A> <P>I had to take our female puppy(our oldest, our baby) to the vet for an emergency Wednesday morning. I haven't been in contact with my wife for 2 weeks, giving her the space she wants.<P>Today she called and left a short very terse message. I called her back and had to endure her being so cold and mean that I don't know what to do. She didn't care about our puppy at all and seemed very angry that I would call her sister and her mom to get her word about the puppy. She was also very angry that I was planning to have dinner tonight with her aunt. Like I'm supposed to give up her family(who are as much my family/friends) and just walk away. <P>Then she wanted to know if I was going to file papers. I told her that I wouldn't because it's not what I want. That made her more angry.<P>She said she would never return to the life she left. I told her that it doesn't exist anyway. And that I didn't want it either.<P>I know people have said I'd get conversations like this but DAMN is it hard. Why do weekends have to suck so bad?<BR>

sbt... I've been wondering about you. I'm so sorry. ((((((sbt))))))) hugs. I know the feeling. I'm just checking in for a minute, then I was going to find some things to do around the house. I'm feeling very down about my weekend too. But I've got it all planned out! I'm going for a walk, do my edging with the weed-eater tomorrow, work on scrapbooks, organizing pictures, catch up on laundry, go see my nephews, watch some good movies on pay-per-view, read some good books, church on Sunday.... I'm all set!<P>I'm going to tell you to not give up. You know that. Did you see my post yesterday? I was very down and these wonderful MB friends picked me right up! <P>It hurts so bad when they say things like that. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. You know the routine. I'm hurting so bad without my H. But he may never come back, and I shake myself and try to find my own life.<P>Her anger could be some guilt and confusion. Maybe not. But could be. Why would she be angry at knowing about the puppy? My H seems angry at weird things too.<P>Vent if you need to. I know you're frustratated. Sometimes it helps to just get it out.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>I'm going to tell you to not give up. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your reply!<P>I'm actually kind of relaxed right now. I guess I had heard enough and prepared enough to know this kind of thing would come about at some point.<P>I'm not giving up that easily. It just took me by surprise that 4 weeks ago she could call me crying about how confused she is and then now be so cold and mean.<P>The only bright spot if you can call it that is that she never said she WANTED a divorce only that ITS BEST. Two different meanings to me.<P>I'm feeling a lot better now that I've gotten this off my chest and have had so many people be supportive!<P>Thanks!<P><BR>

Well I got a good nights sleep last night and feel 110% better this morning.<P>I guess I've just read enough stuff to realize that this isn't going to be easy. She's got some major issues of her own to deal with and I can't help her with those.<P>Thanks!<BR>

Glad your feeling better, I am too, thank God I can still sleep. its a good escape sometimes.<P>I think what helped me was to deceide what I wanted.. my marriage, and to try and always act consitantly with that. I have gooten off tract lately. Our spouses are very confused. They dont know what they want.If we start to waffle too there is no telling what can happen. <P>So for now be her friend, ignor the cold mean side of her.. its just justification and her hurt. You be consitant and one day she will see what she has right at home.<BR>Lora

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lora:<BR><B>So for now be her friend, ignor the cold mean side of her.. its just justification and her hurt. You be consitant and one day she will see what she has right at home.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeaaaaayyyy! My 100th post!<P>I know she's confused. And as much as I want to help her with the things causing her confusion(which aren't all me or us) I just have to let her deal with it and try to be there for her when/if she calls.<P>I am going to be the model of consistency. But probably start tomorrow. Its late and I'm actually sleepy again! The whole sleep thing... rocks!

Well I'm having a terrible day today. I went to work hoping it would keep my mind off of things, but about an hour in I just started crying. I came home for the rest of the day and have been crying ever since.<P>I don't know why my coaster seems to keep going down the last few days. Its just getting harder not easier to deal with this stuff.<P>I know all the things I should be doing, but why is it that today I just can't seem to get out of this funk?<P>Sorry for rambling, just having a rotten day!<BR>

sorry you are having such a bad day. My current solution to feeling that way is to take a nap. Escape is wonderful sometimes. Somedays I count the day as a sucess if I just dont kill my H.<P>Do somthing good for yourself.. and tomorrow will be a new day. Hang in there.<BR>Lora

(((((sbt)))))<P>I'm so sorry, I didn't see this post earlier today!!! How are you now?<P>Yes, it's the roller coaster. The downs can be terrible!!!<P>Im sure you're better by now. SOmetimes, jsut crying and venting will clean out your system, and you can get back on track. I'm here tonight, if you need to vent some more.<P> Hang in there. We'll make it! You're doing the right things.<P>BTW, just saw your triggers post... stay away from the movies with love stories (seeing love or sex makes me sick), and pop radio. That stuff gets me sooooooo down.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 20, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>I'm so sorry, I didn't see this post earlier today!!! How are you now?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm sorry I didn't see your post earlier. I've not had the best of days lately. Wednesday night I just got so down that I wasn't sure if I wanted to live through this any more. It was the worst few hours of my life, and even though my father is dead, this was still worse. I'm hoping the weekend is better.<P>I didn't sort and pack my wife's stuff last night like I planned. Instead I sat out back on the porch with my puppies and listened to some jazz and the birds singing. Enjoyed the fresh air and the smell of flowers.<P>I'm hoping that this weekend is better than most. I find that getting some sleep is helpful. I still don't sleep right. I wake up about every hour, but can usually get right back to sleep.<P>I'm going to try not to be here this weekend, so that I don't have to think about our problems. But, you just never know, the last few weekends have not been great.<P>Thank you Faith and Lora, you are helping this be more bareable!<P><BR>EDIT: I was reading around some other threads here and came to an odd realization. Except for before she left, my wife has not said the word divorce since she left. She asked if I was going to file papers, but never said what kind. I know what she meant but she never said the word. I don't want to read too much into anything, but that seems weird to me. <P><p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 24, 2001).]

When it rains it pours!! <P>The company I work for folded today and everyone is out, including me!<P>But you know what? I'm going to be fine. PMA is super high today!!<P>Be on later tonight I guess, now!

OMGoodness, sbt! I'm so sorry!!<P>I'm glad you have a PMA..... pick yourself up and move on.<P> <P>Hang in there!

I guess it really is sad but true! <P>I'll be fine though. Not sure whether to tell my wife or not or any of her family for that matter.

Well I finally broke down last night and felt sorry for myself. I'll be turning 35 in 2 weeks and I'll be alone and unemployed on my birthday. That's pretty bad.<P>But, I already had a call from a recruiter when I got home from my last day yesterday. He already has positions for me to look at.<P>I'm sure I'll be OK, but it's hard not having my wife to talk to about my situation. She's been very supportive of me and my career and now she's not here to kick me in the [censored] and tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself. I've kicked myself, but it would be nice to have her do it.<P>That's it. I'm fine for now.

WHACK!!!!<P>There, I kicked you. QUIT feeling sorry for yourself.<P>There, is that better?? <P>Sounds like you are very strong sbt. I hope that is the case and you are not just telling us that. It's ok to have pity parties, right? I'm glad you did. It'd wonderful that you have some prospects already. When is your b'day? Mine is Sept 14. I'll be 32. We'll celebrate together. We'll invite all our MB friends and PARTY, otay?<P>I have to go out for a few hours. I'll be online tonight.<P>Hang int here. Think about composing yourself, and calling your w sometime this weekend. Not to whine, but just to chit-chat about how she's doing, and let hre know about your job, but that you're not upset and ready to move on. PMA.<P>See ya later.

Thanks Faith, just like I needed! <P>My birthday is the 11th.<P>No, I'm not making anything up. What I think has amazed my family and my therapist... and me too I guess, is that I didn't just lie down and die, like so many do. My wife leaving was just what I needed to get me working on issues I've kept bottled up inside for a long time. I really do feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders.<P>I still miss my wife and want to try to make us work somehow, but I'm dealing with my problems and I'm going to be a great catch at the end. She gets first dibs but I am learning from this and I'm going to be one of the few successful second marriages... if it comes to that. I'd rather be one of the successful first marriages. <P>No, I'm not going to call her until I get another job. If she calls I'll tell her but I need to do this on my own. I don't want her to pity me. I am stronger now and getting back in the saddle after being thrown is a hallmark of strong people.<P>I've got some yard work to do today, if it stops raining. Otherwise I need to go out and buy some new jeans. I've lost about 35 pounds in the last 5 weeks and most of my clothes are just too big. Good excuse to get out! I'm only 20 pounds from my medical "ideal" weight. I am happy about that.<P>Have fun today Faith(and everyone). I will be here this evening I'm sure.

sbt,<BR>congrats on the weight loss! I've lost 32 pounds, and 20 more to go. It feels great! But i'm concerned yours was too fast.... shame on you. Hey, did you get those new jeans? <P>You've got a great attitude. You are right. You are becoming the best sbt possible, and your w will be lucky to have you. If not, someone else will. <P>Looking forward to our B'day party! <p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 25, 2001).]

Hey congrats to you too on the weight loss. Who needs diet and excersise when you could have marital problems? <P>I went back to my mom's right after D-day for about 3 days and just didn't eat anything those days. And then have really only eaten about a handfull of pretzels and 5-6 cups of coffee every day since. The last couple have been a little better. I got a steak last night and had some again tonight. But still I just don't have much of an appetite. I've lost about 55 pounds total since last year's doctor checkup.<P>I still feel fairly strong, and am going to start going to the local health club. Now that I'm out of work I can spend more time there. <P>I did buy 3 new pairs of jeans and two new Hawaiian shirts. I dropped 4 sizes in the jeans! <P>I'm sure I'll be here the night of the 11th and now the 14th. I've said before that at least I can get my mid-life crisis out of the way, while my wife is gone.<P>Have a great evening and Sunday Faith!<P>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 25, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 25, 2001).]

Well my heart is still pounding! <P>Was trying to sleep in a little today and someone rang the door bell. The puppies went crazy barking and running around. Pandemonium!<P>I looked out the window and it was a courier with a registered letter that I had to sign for. I thought "Oh, no... she went and did it! Without the courage to tell me."<P>Well it was just paperwork from my job, but my heart may be pounding like this the rest of the day!

whew! I can feel your anxiety on that one. haha... glad it worked out...