I'm curious to know after d-day, how many WS's aplogized and showed regret or remorse? <P>and....is it more likely that the marriages in which the WS's apolgize and show regret are restored or does it matter?<P>it seems like everyone here a BS of a WS that has either ever admitted having an A or that has never shown regret.<P>I wonder if there are any stats on this?<P>GC<P>

My wife did say she was sorry and that she thought what she had done was stupid. But the affair continues and she just last week asked me to file papers for divorce. <P>I don't know if that helps any.<BR>

I think remorse is a good indicator of whether or not your marriage can/will recover.<P>I (WS) do not feel remorseful. And I think its unlikely that my H and I will stay together.

Lexxxy,<P>When you say you are not remorseful, does your spouse know this?<P>Also, have you ever apoligized or said there is noe justification or excuse for what you did? My WS said these things to me but I've never felt like she was really remorseful.

me <P>Let's see, who else can I think of ....<P>old timers: Deut, Nyneve (NB), SKM, just to name a few <P>There is hope. But it is a fifty - fifty investment - both parties must care and give about the same, even if it doesn't start out that way, it eventually has to get there to work.<P>

gdc~<P>My husband is very remorseful and has apolgized several times for his affair. Actually his words weren't sorry but hes was just greedy. <P>It took 6 months before he meant this, but this was due to the affair ongoing without my knowledge until d-day #2. He is doing all he can and our marriage is so much better.<P>It really has helped us and our recovery.<P>Judy<p>[This message has been edited by bighope (edited August 20, 2001).]

Apologize yes, remorse that took a while (5 months actually). Still he claimed to want to come home inbetween that. For what for not being sorry? Oh...... that led to some real LBs. <P>Remorse is very immportant. Lack of it may greatly hinder the recovery. <P>L. <P>

My wife has only admitted to remorse that I was hurt. But she does not regret having the affair.<P>I am seeing a trend, in that, WS's that do not regret their affair, the marriage has a much smaller change of surviving. With how small of a chance I am thinking our marriage has, as it is, that makes our chances pretty small indeed.

After the confession my WH apologized,but no remorse. His eyes were watering, but I think it was out of fear that I was going to kick him out or end it. <P>The A lingered on, on and off. H tried ending it, but I LBed too much(pre-MB).<P>Last weekend, H showed remorse(11 months after d-day). Apologized again. Said I deserved better and confessed some more. In comments that H has made shows that he regrets the affair. Now I feel we are a team working to renew our marriage.<P>Hope this helps. <p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 20, 2001).]

My H has been seeking that emotion from me for quite some time. And he has said to the effect "if I had done what you have done, I would be kissing your feet"<P>He's very frustrated and disappointed in my lack of regret or remorse.<P>In fact, a big LB happened this weekend. H was in a situation he felt was life threatening. He told a friend messages for the kids (love you etc.) and for me:<BR>"I love you and forgive you."<P>GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR<P>#1 I'll never talk to or be comfortable around that person again.<P>#2 Didn't tell the whole story. (what about the A HE had?)<P>#3 YOU forgive ME? Well thanks but no thanks. I don't want to be forgiven.<P>#4 What if I don't forgive you? (13 years of neglect)<P>I have said I am sorry for hurting him. And I am. But all I am is sorry for hurting him, I am NOT in love and willing to do anything to win him back.<P><BR>

My H confessed his 7-week affair, in which he did admit remorse & regret. We sat for 3 hours talking about it and I wrote what I needed from him, in order to show me that he wanted to restore our marriage. He suggested marriage counseling and even looked for/made the appointment with our counselor.<P>We are 2-1/2 years into recovery. Restoration of a marriage, after an affair, isn't easy. However, knowing that your spouse is remorseful & regrets the affair helps the betrayed spouse through the recovery process.

What affair? Remorse, regret? For what?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gdc:<BR>[B]I'm curious to know after d-day, how many WS's aplogized and showed regret or remorse? >>>><P>My H repeatedly said "I can't even put into words how sorry I am for everything I've done." This was the second thing he said when he walked in the door the final time he came back. The first was "I am so glad to be home for good, I feel like I've been released from prison." Afew hours later I told him the OW had called me shortly before he came home and I knew everything. Then he was REALLY sorry lol.<P>

To GM, <P>I'm with you, not only on the same d-day but I feel my chances are slim to none. My W has even said she does not see the marriage has reconcilable. I guess the fact that she has had an Ar, moved out signed a year lease, got all her clothes, furniture and dog and says the above is probably a good indication. I mean even her sister and mother have said I need to get on with my life and just have no contact with her as she is keeping me stringing along. <P>As far as remorse........she has way too much pride for that, if it's even in her vocabulary.

gdc, just do your part, man. That's all we can do. As lame as the chances seem, we can only do that. <P>If and when I serve her with divorce papers, I know she will show remorse. Intense remorse. But only because she will be losing a wonderful, supporting husband, a house, and pure freedom to do what she wants (she doesn't work). I don't think she regrets taking her love for me away and giving it to the OM. She thinks he is worth it.<P>We'll see.

GM,<P>You must live in a state where adultry is frowned upon. I on the otherhand, will lose half of everything I've worked for and for what?? b/c my wife whom I trusted with my life went out and had an A so she gets a hefty sum of money. Hey where else but in America can you break a 10 commandment and make money. What is wrong with this society?<P>They should get nothing and all BS's should have the option whether or not to send them to prison for thier sins!!<P>Sorry, GM feeling a little bitter today and needed to vent!@

Well, 4-1/2 months since d-day. My WS has also said she was sorry but that she does not regret the A and she has not expressed any remorse. She said what she did was stupid. She said that she has been looking for a long time but the A just happened. Now she seems to be more concerned about how others will perceive her if we are not able to reconcile. She has said that she will lose many friends if we don't reconcile. Why she would say this before saying how it would impact our three boys is beyond me.<BR>SG

wow GDC.....<BR>You sound like a victim.<BR>You must be blameless. <P>

gdc-<BR>I am/was a WS who apologized. I felt remorse immediately upon acknowledging my A. I didn't immediately feel remorse about the relationship with OM (that may sound inconsistent). I am 1.5 yrs into recovery, and I can only say remorse and regret have only grown.

Thanks for giving me the insight . . . <P>Since I'm BS, and H is WS/EA - he does not show remorse - he seems distant - he shows me in ways that he cares, but only because I dragged it out of him, did he really? say he was sorry. He hasn't been the kind "I'm sorry, forgive me", etc. <P>His words and unfeeling really concern me - he seems to make excuses about everything now. A while back, I would get huffy in bed and flip over, because I wasn't getting any affection, I just didn't know there was anything wrong - like he says the EA was a God Send, because now we know. But it all really hurts. He doesn't show affection, love, he is tunnel vision to downloading msgs on our e-mail, and spend more time with the computer. If I come over for attention, he still gives the computer his attention.<P>I am so sick and tired of this situation -<P>Sorry, I'm really venting today - because after being gone for 2 weeks, you would think he missed me - <P>What to do, what to do - there is so much pain . . .<P>Walk out, or call Steve? I can't believe my H is this unfeeling after 15 years. He said while I was gone it was the first time since we've been in this house that he cared about it. He says now that I'm back - it will be interesting to see how he feels - I said that if you don't care about the house now, that it shows you you don't care if I'm around.<P>This is pure agony. <P>Still hurting, after shock