I'm the W who had the affair, an EA/PA with a coworker. Though I KNOW (by his own admission) that my H had at least an EA for the past two years with a coworker, I cannot confirm a PA, and he will not admit to that.<P>My H discovered my A (which had been going on for about 7 months) in early April. Since that time, things have been awful. He has threatened to move out twice, and we have been sleeping separately since that time as well. <P>Now, going on five months since D-day, we have been at a stalemate all this time. H has not left as he threatened. He has not asked me to leave (we have a three year old son). But we have no relationship; we just co-exist in the same house, sleeping in separate rooms. No physical contact of any kind. We do not wear our wedding rings. We don't do things together. H will not even do any family activities with our son.<P>Although we went to marriage counseling briefly before he discovered my A and was diagnosed by the counselor with depression, he has stopped taking the anti-depressant medication and refuses any further counseling.<P>I have been trying to be patient and give him time to come around, but there has been no hopeful sign in all that time. Now I, too, am feeling depressed and lost and I don't know what to do. I just keep waiting and plan A'ing...and nothing happens.<P>He says he hates life. He says he will never be happy again and I should just understand that. I don't know if he's trying to TELL me to leave, without saying it, or what. He expresses that he doesn't think he is able to forgive me, even though he seems to understand why the affair happened.<P>I feel my life slipping by, day by day, with no joy in it. My son is the only thing that gives me any happiness. My H seems determined not to be happy. He is distant and aloof, hardly ever smiles. His successful career, new home and wonderful child seem to mean nothing to him.<P>I just don't know how long to keep waiting. I want to be loved, and to give love. I want to be happy again. I have been willing to try to mend our marriage, but that will is most definitely slipping away.<P>I wonder where my tolerance falls on the scale of human nature. How many of you have gone for months or years with no hugs, no kisses, no lovemaking? While living with your spouse? How long can you do it? How long should I do it???<P><BR>Help!<P>Calla
