I thought you'd enjoy this "advise column" letter that appears in today's Jamaica (W.I.) Gleaner Online:<P>Q: I have a serious boyfriend. He is pretty busy with work these days, but we are very active together both socially and sexually. Meanwhile, though, I have had a mutual attraction with a man at work for almost a year, and lately it is becoming very difficult to keep from acting on it. How can I be in love with my boyfriend and feel so strongly about another man? And how can I fight the temptation to cheat?<P><BR>A: Even though you report being active socially and sexually with your boyfriend, it sounds as if something may be missing on some other level. If all your hungers were fully satiated at home, you wouldn't find yourself so tempted in the workplace. <P>You say you find yourself strongly attracted to another man even though you're sure you love your boyfriend. Attractions to others are normal and fairly common. However, the fear that you may actually act on these urges is not something to be ignored.<P>Having a mutual attraction with someone is usually far different than the daily grind, hard work and up-close-and-personal nature of an ongoing, committed relationship. You can fantasise about being with the new person sexually without the wear and tear of living together or regular daily contact. <P>You can idealise the man at work and hang on to the fantasy that he won't have any habits that will annoy you. He will always put the cap back on the toothpaste and the toilet seat down.<P>It is worth considering whether your feelings about your co-worker are part of a pattern in which you find yourself generally fantasising about men outside your primary relationship. <P>This is sometimes hard to admit to yourself, but can be crystal clear to those close to you. Ask your friends, and if they have noticed this tendency, you have to consider whether you have problems with commitment or even a need to sabotage good situations in your life.<P>Another possibility is that you are feeling emotional distance in your relationship with your boyfriend; fantasising and flirting with your co-worker is filling that emotional void.<P>Ask yourself a few questions and be honest with the answers.<P>Do you have negative thoughts about your boyfriend that you are withholding from him? Not sharing such concerns with your partner can create emotional distance.<P>Do you feel close emotionally in your lovemaking? A sexual relationship does not automatically evoke intimacy and passion. In fact, such strong feelings often arouse anxiety and the natural tendency is to move away from, rather than toward, them.<P>Do you allow yourself to feel some dependency on your boyfriend? It sounds like you keep him at arm's length emotionally in certain ways, even though you feel like you're in love with him. <P>Your primary relationship may have evolved to a point where each of you needs to commit to push through anxieties about growing closer emotionally. <P>Ironically, this can be the place where a relationship both has the most potential for growth and at the same time can be most vulnerable to affairs. The fact that you are tempted to cheat may be a sign that you are suffering 'intimacy anxiety'.<P>