After 20 years of marriage and 3 children together, I've discovered my husband in an affair. She lives in another country but they meet on business trips. After confronting him with my discovery, he admitted it. Last weekend, we talked and cried, as he tried to decide what HE wanted to do. I assured him that I love him and want to make our marriage work. We are going through a time of trying, and he has said that he told the OW and has cut off contact with her. However, I have reason to believe they are planning on meeting again in about 3 weeks(which would devastate me). He agreed to go to counselling one time with someone we don't know. But yesterday, I accidentally ran into our pastor and of course everything came out. As it turned out, our pastor has been unfaithful to his wife but they have managed to repair their marriage and are happy together. My husband has shown no remorse and has given no apologies. He feels that I neglected him (because I devoted all my energies to the children)and didn't <BR>provide the support and admiration he needed (which of course the OW provides). I have been trying to continue to reassure him that I forgive him and will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. But he continues to believe I'll never get over it. I am "allowed" small signs of affection, but have been told to not overdo it. He is very standoffish and I don't believe he is really trying to come to reconcilliation. My pastor wants to approach him, and try to get him to talk to him. Since he has been in my husband's position, he feels that would help my husband to open up to him. I'm fearful this will send my husband right out the door. But since he doesn't seem to be really trying to work on fixing our marriage and hasn't cut things of with the OW, I'm wondering if this would be the shot of reality he seems to need. Plus, my running into our pastor was such a fluke, I'm wondering if this is maybe divine intervention. Any advice out there?